More than Best Friends?

Chapter 13 - Reflections ⚠️

⚠️ - Warnings for mentions of coercive sex and rape.

Kyle and Yuki were snuggled on the couch in Kyle's house, watching the television as it played romantic comedy movies.  Even though they had each other and the blissful peace, they were thinking about other things at that moment.  Kyle was contemplating on the status of his and Yuki's relationship, while Yuki was worrying about how Pe was doing.  At the same time, both boys were also wondering if the other was thinking about the same thing.

"Hey... can we talk?" Yuki suddenly asked.  Kyle stiffened at the question; he had heard that that question usually meant something bad when brought up while in a relationship.  Nonetheless, he nodded, as he was genuinely interested in what Yuki had to say.  "I'm worried about Pe."  Kyle sighed in relief after Yuki's statement, as he was anxious that Yuki might have been wanting to talk about breaking up.  

"Did something happen?" Kyle asked, resting a hand on Yuki's head.

"I guess you could say that," Yuki replied quietly, shifting so that he could face him, "She's unsure about being intimate with Henry.  I think, she doesn't want to do things like that so much, but she also doesn't want to disappoint him.  I'm just really worried about her because she's my friend, and I want to help her."  Kyle knew how it felt to want to help someone because he had felt the same way when he found out about Yuki's secret.  However, he was also concerned for Yuki and Pe; Yuki was naturally an anxious person, and Kyle didn't want Yuki to feel guilty for something that he didn't do.  He was also nervous about asking the wrong questions while talking to Yuki since Kyle didn't know Pe nearly as well as he did.

"Have you talked to her about it?" Kyle asked, trying hard to express the worry that he felt.

"I did a few days ago.  I'm debating if I should talk to Henry about it or not.  I don't know how he would take it though, or if he even knows what he's doing.  From the way she described it, it almost sounded like he... raped her."  Yuki's voice shook as he said the "r-word", and he could tell that Kyle was getting a little uncomfortable.  "Sorry, we can talk about something else... I just felt like I needed to tell you how I feel."

Perfect segway, Kyle thought.  "No, it's okay," he began, running his fingers through Yuki's dark hair.  "I wanted to talk about how we're both feeling, about us.  But this is something that really bothers you, so it affects me too.  I want to help them too, but there isn't much we can do if we don't know enough about the situation.  I think it would be better to know more before intervening because we also have to consider how Pe is feeling about all of it.  It must have taken her a lot to just even think about telling anyone."

"You're right," Yuki agreed.  "You said... you want to talk about us?  Like, our relationship?"

"Yeah," Kyle nodded slowly and held Yuki's hands with his free one.  "I've just been thinking a lot about us, is all.  I feel bad because we might be moving too fast for you.  I know you get nervous when talking about love and sex, so I just wanted to make sure you're okay with us because I think we both know I can be a little more... forward, I guess..."  His voice trailed off toward the end, and he gulped in fear that Yuki might not tell him everything.

"I guess having sex right after you said you liked me is moving a little fast," Yuki said, looking off to the side.  Kyle felt like an arrow had shot through his heart then, and he could feel the weight of guilt building up inside of him.  His chest started to feel heavy and knew there would never really be a proper way to apologize for what he did that day.  "But I'm okay with it.  It's normal for people to think about sex.  We did evolve from animals, after all."  Yuki looked back up at Kyle then, a small smile on his face.  Kyle felt the corners of his own lips turn up into a smile as he looked at the boy he loved dearly.  Not even a month ago, he was confused about his feelings, but he knew that the warmth and happiness bubbling inside of him was love, and that love was for Yuki.  

"I didn't say it too quickly, did I?" Kyle asked, his smile fading.  He was anxious, only thinking about every possible thing Yuki could say that would tell him how bad of a boyfriend he was.  Kyle was very open and honest about his feelings and knew that most people could probably read him like an open book.  But he was worried because Yuki wasn't as vocal as he was, and he wanted to make sure he was doing everything right for him.

"Say what?"  Yuki asked, confused.

"You know, that... when I said... 'I love you'... when we went, to the fair?"  Yuki thought for a second, remembering the brief exchange they had had before getting dinner that evening.

"Honestly, I thought it was really cute.  Everything you say is so kind.  I know you were just in the moment and lost in your thoughts." Yuki answered.  Kyle felt something warm inside of his chest then and imagined a bandage over where the metaphorical arrow had shot through his heart just moments ago.  That response was another thing he loved about Yuki; how much he understood him, and how much he really cared for and noticed about him.  "Besides, I wouldn't have said it back if I didn't feel the same way."

"Yeah, I guess I was just overthinking it," Kyle said, "I guess not every relationship has to go at the same pace.  Then there wouldn't be anything unique about being together at all!"  He laughed a bit, and Yuki joined him, placing a hand on Kyle's chest.  He rested his head on his shoulder as their laughter died down, and the two boys cherished their conversations and time spent together.

"Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now." - Mr. Fred Rogers

(1068 words, 13 November 2019)

(1042 words, edited 31 May 2020)