Finding my Happiness

Reality Check

"So you're telling me that there's 8 other me's right inside? I don't believe you." I refrain from rolling my eyes, we have been sitting in the car for hours it feels, as I try to explain to him what to expect when we walk inside. Of course he thought I was just talking out my ass, it sucks cause I can't really be frustrated, if I were him, I wouldn't believe it either but it doesn't keep me from being annoyed. "Trust me, I wouldn't believe it either if I were you but it's true." I say, staring at the house wondering if they're gone....or plotting to kill me....a chill runs down my spine and I feel like I'm crazy for even thinking that but then again, I'm pretty sure I've surpassed crazy. "That's cool and all but I would rather you take me back home. I'm pretty sure my family is looking for me right about now." He says matter of factly. It pains me too see him asking to go home when it's impossible. He's only 9yrs old and completely unaware that a lot of things have changed for him over the years and to make matters worse..he's not even here physically anymore. That's why I just can't wrap my hand around this and I chuckle to myself. I can't get over the fact that he's not alive but it's perfectly logical to have different eras running around, I shake my head. "Look, I would love to take you back home but I have to explain some things to you and the other Michael's in there." He rolls his eyes petulantly with his arms crossing over his chest. "Fine, let's see these other "me's" you speak of." RUDE, I think to myself but giggle at the thought, I really am going insane. We get out of the car and make our way towards the house, I don't hear anything from inside, it's quiet...too quiet. My breathing begins to quicken, I don't know what to expect when we enter. My hands start shaking and I can hardly turn the knob, I almost feel like I'm intruding. "Are you ok miss?" He says rocking back and forth on his feet but otherwise, waiting patiently. "Yeah I'm fine." I say, my voice deceiving me. "Here let me help you." He says sweetly, opening the door for me. As it creaks open, my anxiety punches me hard in the gut with the force of Bruce Lee and I gulp. "Thanks" I croak...."come on in" I nervously walk inside with the speed of a snail, almost like I'm expecting a monster to pop out and scare me, young Michael only inches behind me. I turn the lights on and my eyes begin searching for the others. I let out a deep sigh but I also don't know if I really want them to be gone. Maybe they disappeared and it really was all in my head. "I don't see anyone." Young MJ says and I jump, forgetting he was here..well, there goes the idea that it was all in my head, I turn and quickly shut the door behind us. "I'm sure they're in here." I say with uncertainty. We being to walk further inside, looking around for any traces of movement. Suddenly, I hear that soft soothing voice I've come to love but multiplied by 8, talking amongst each other and they don't sound happy. How can someone with such a soft voice, project it so loudly? I grab little MJs hand and we walk down the hallway, there's light coming from inside my dads recording studio and I instantly become furious. I never and will never, let anyone inside my dads workspace. It's sacred to me and I will cut a nigga up, Michael Jackson or not. At this point, I'm no longer terrified, I let go of little MJs hand and I fume down the hallway, he follows closely behind. I burst through the door and see the hive of Michael's scattered around the garage either digging through boxes, talking to each other, or just staring at the other like they still can't get over what's happening. At that moment, I notice all their outfits are from music videos that they've done. But I quickly snap back, "Hey! What the fuck are you doing in here!" I growl. They all turn to look at me surprised I think and stop digging through boxes. "Well well, look who it is..the crazy lady who kidnapped us." 87 says, grabbing onto his jaw. I roll my eyes, there's no way his jaw still hurts. "For the last fucking time, I didn't kidnap anyone! I don't know how you got here and at this point, I don't care! Now get the fuck outta my garage!" I shout, rage spewing out every pore, not noticing little Michael coming from behind me, examining the older versions of himself. The other Michael's jaws drop instantly. "Whoa, there's 9 of us now? How is this possible?!" '95 says, walking closer to examine him. "There's a kid version of us walking around and you're worried about the fact that it's one more?" Says '79 incredulously. "Lady, you sure these are older versions of me? Half of them are white guys!" He says, confusion etched deep in his face. "We're not white we are still black, we just have a skin disease, that's all." '01says from the corner of the room, his arms crossed, he seemed annoyed or hurt at the comment, I can't really tell. My eye catches the attention of '91. We both stare at each other and my breath hitches, he looks down quickly like he's embarrassed but I can see a shy smile playing on his lips and the little part left of my heart, flutters...this was the era I fell head over heels for, he's sexy as fuck and I caught him peaking at me. I scold myself mentally, he's not real, I can't crush on a dead guy..what is WRONG WITH ME, I realize that I face palmed and I quickly try and play it off like I was brushing hair from my face, I don't think anyone caught on..."So, I turn white! What kind of sick joke is this!?" Little MJ shouts, bringing me back to the here and now. He's looking up at me like it was my fault. I sigh again, "Look, I just need all of you out of my garage and out of my house..please. I'm completely losing my damn mind." I say harsher than I intended. "Well, we want some answers, like for starters, why are there 8 different versions of us? '97 era says, while the rest of them erupt loudly in agreement. "I don't know why, ok? I'm just as confused as you are if I'm being honest. I've been racking my brain and all I get is empty thoughts, so for right now, please just leave" I don't have the energy to go back and forth and I'm not sure that I'd want to do this, even if I did. "Why did you kidnap us! That's what I wanna know and I'm not leaving without my questions being answered!" '79 says, still under this ridiculous notion that I kidnapped them. I roll my eyes completely to the heavens, I'm beyond frustrated now. "if I kidnapped you, which, I didn't, why pray tell, would I be trying to kick y'all out my house?! Also, please do tell me how I managed to do that because I don't see a damn time machine around here, do you?!" I shout directly at him and he has the decency to look contrite. "Look, we don't wanna cause any trouble." '82 says, raising his hands. "I think I can speak for all of when I say, we're just scared right now. We just wanna go back home." He says with the cutest smile and I keep a chuckle in, I don't think he realizes the joke he made by saying he can speak for all of them. "What year are we in?" '91 asks cautiously, interrupting my thoughts. "2020...January 2020." I say just as cautiously. If eyes could really fall out of heads, 18 would be rolling all over the ground right now, I swear they popped out so far, it looked like something straight out of a cartoon. "2020? It was just 1987, I fell asleep and here I am!!" "That's so odd, I woke up from a nap too and I ended up here." '95 says shaking his head in agreement with '87. "So did I!!", "me too!!", "same here!!!" Soon they all begin explaining what happened and how they ended up here, each beginning with a nap, the room filling up with panicked voices. "Holy shit, my kids! Where are my kids?!" '01 says, looking like he's on the verge of tears. "Kids?!" "We have kids?" The younger MJs say in unison. "Wait, you said "Kids"...like as in more than one?! Prince has siblings?!" '97 says, his tears at the edge of his eyes, like a dam that's close to over flowing. "Yeah, we have 3 beautiful children, 2 boys and a girl." '09 says with a smile so big, it looks like it hurts. "Can you please help us then? We want to go back to the year we came from." '97 says, nearly pleading with me. "Look, I don't even know if this is real or not! Y'all could all just be in my head. No normal person sees different versions of someone, I mean, it'd at least make some sense if you were my da...."I don't complete the thought that keeps rearing it's ugly head and probing me, I run my fingers through my hair frustrated. I close my eyes and sigh deeply, I don't wanna be mean and kick them out but I'm not ready to get excited about something that I'm not 100% sure of, I'm doing myself a solid and saving myself from heartbreak if it comes back that this was all in my head, I don't wanna be at a point so low, that I'm imagining things. I'll kick them out now, so I can dismiss the issue all together. "I don't know how to help you." I finally say, "So please just leave." I turn to walk away hoping they'll let themselves out. "So, just kick us out, don't even tell us what's gonna be out there or what to expect?" '95 says angrily. "Well, it'll be a harsh reality check for you then huh? Because y'all are no longer my problem." I say folding my arms over my chest giving of my best "I don't care" attitude. "You crazy ass b-" '87 starts to say but quickly gets slapped in the back of his head by '09. "Watch your mouth! We don't talk to women like that, you know better!" He scolds him while '87 rubs his head and cuts his eyes at me. '09 looks at me and sighs, his eyes bore into mine with intensity, like he understood why I'm doing this. It's a look that only a father would give. "We'll leave. We trespassed into your home and I apologize for all of us....Come on everyone, let's go." He says exiting out of the still cracked garage, the rest of them following behind, looking at me, their eyes pleading with me. I quickly turn away as my eyes water. "Do I have to go too?! I'm scared!" Little MJ says and my heart breaks, am I a horrible person?? Before I could answer him, '91 picks him up and holds onto him. "It's ok, Nothing bad will happen. I promise." He says as Little MJ rest his head on his chest. '91 looks at me and gives me a slight smile before following the others out the garage. I hurry and shut both of the garage doors, locking them both, I place my hands on the cold door leading to the studio and sigh for the millionth time, I know in my heart, I have no plans of coming back in here ever again. I'm disappointed in myself for feeling that way and I know grandma would be too but after tonight, I'm not stable enough to take on this room again...and I had so many plans.. I sigh once again and push myself off. I make my way down the hallway and I feel like I'm walking through wet cement, out the living room window, I can just make out 8 figures dredging in the snow. What the fuck am I doing?! Deep down, I know that I don't want them to go and I feel like shit throwing them out like that. Maybe if they took another approach instead of scaring me like they did, possibly things would have turned out different. I know it's not their fault tho, they didn't choose to do this, and they're just as confused as me but here I was pushing them away like I do all my problems. I know I probably shouldn't have just let them out the house, without at least a warning....if they are real. For starters he's dead....as harsh as that reality is. They're gonna have to face the fact that they're no longer here and I can almost guarantee, they're not gonna take it too well. Secondly, there are rude people here in Detroit, well anywhere for that matter but they don't give two fucks who you are. They will mug and jump you, even if you only got a literal penny to your name, people here have been shot for $5 and a pack of Newport's. I'm honestly feeling so awful that I kicked them out, but I keep telling myself that this is a dream to keep from feeling guilty and that this was for my sanity. Michael Jackson alive and in your house?! Not in a million years would that ever be real....right?! Besides, I'm not ready to even let JUST ONE person in my life right now, let alone 9. I shake off the feeling, close the blinds and lock the front door not taking another look. Exhaustion hits me hard and I finally realize how tired I actually am and hopefully when I wake up, things will be normal.