Finding my Happiness

Full House

The winter breeze smacks me in the face as I walk out onto the porch. I just need to clear my mind to figure out what the fuck I'm going to do. As I watch the snow fall and listen to the kids playing down the street, the front door creaks open. I turn to look to see Billy peaking through the door.

" Is it ok for me to come out?" He asks with his one doe eye poking out the door.
" Yeah you can come keep me company." I say patting to the spot next to me on the bench swing. He steps outside with one of my dads old outfits he always wore to bed. His New Orleans Saints Jersey with faded black sweat pants. I smirk at the outfit he is wearing and Billy blushes and seems embarrassed at my gaze.
" What is it? Do I have something on my face?"
"No it's just weird to see Michael Jackson wearing something so basic." I say as he sits down beside me. " What do you not like my outfit?" He says as he pretends to pop a collar. " No I think it looks good on you. Makes me forget that your bigger than life."  I can tell he gets excited over my comment cause from the corner of my eye I see the biggest grin in the world.
" Wow do you really mean that? I always wanted to feel like a normal human being for once in my life. Who knew it would be so simple." I look over to see a big grin from ear to ear and I can't help but give him a little smile. But of course it slowly fades away. Fucking Depression. Billy notices and scoots closer to me.
" You have a beautiful smile Jazz. Why don't you smile more often?"
" Because I have nothing to smile about these days." I say as a gust of cold wind starts to blow and I look over to see Billy shivering.
" What's there not to smile about? You're a beautiful girl."
"How about we go inside. It's freezing out here." I state changing the subject.
" Oh ok. I'm sorry if I said something wrong." Billy says walking behind me to the front door. I turn my head a little and give him a weak smile and walk inside my now fully occupied house.

For Dinner I ordered pizza since all the Michael's ate all my food while I was at work. I was just too mentally tired to even cook anything let alone for myself... honestly, I wasn't planning on being alive right now.
" I don't know if it's just me but this is the best pizza I have ever had." Charlie says in middle of bites. We are all together in the kitchen with us scattered around. Most of us are siting on the counters and a few of them on the floor. Danny from the other side of the kitchen keeps giving me these sweet glances at me as I try to just focus on my food. But it's hard when you wanna just stare right back at the piece of perfection.

" I agree I'm starving!" James states as he grabs a whole box of pizza from the counter. Right when he does that, Darryl yanks it out of his hands.
" Excuse me, this is for all of us fatty." Darryl says placing the box on the side of him. I notice from the corner of my eye that OG Michael hasn't touched any of his food. Just sitting there starring at the wall. I honestly feel like him right now. Snapping me out of my thoughts, Prince beings to talk.
" Um thank you for dinner Jazz. I think we all really appreciate it." He says as the rest of them nod in unison while stuffing there faces with pizza.
"It's nothing really." I shrug my shoulders.
" Um I don't know if we should or not but, should we stop J5 from chugging a whole liter of root beer down?" Vince asks as we all turn our heads at the scene of the crime. Sure enough he was drinking that shit like an alcoholic drinking Henny.
"Hey boy that's for all of us!" Billy says as he tries to reach for the soda but J5 jerks away.
" Get off me! I never get to have soda like this!" He goes right back to chugging it down.
" Give it back!" Billy tries to grab at it again and J5 quickly stands up makes a run for it.
"Shit!" He says as he runs after him around the house.
" I think I'm gonna head to bed. Is there anywhere in particular you want us to sleep?" Michael says getting up from the floor.
" Well for right now pick wherever you want to sleep.... are you ok?" He looks at me like he wants to cry but he gives me a slight smile nodding his head. " Yeah I'm fine.... I'll see all of you in the morning." He walks out of the kitchen and I hear his footsteps go up the stairs.
" What the fuck was his problem?" Darryl says.
" Come on give him a break Darryl." Charlie says getting up grabbing him another piece of pizza.
"What? I mean we had the same day he's having."
I look at Darryl and shake my head at him.
"Yeah but how would you feel if you knew you was going to die in the morning after your very last tour rehearsal? He has to deal with that plus trying to understand why there are different clones of him."
" But we're the same person aren't we? How you think I feel about knowing when the fuck I'm going to die?! It's bullshit that we can give him a break."

I swear I want to beat the shit outta Darryl right now. One thing I have noticed about each Michael is that they all have the personalities of their songs from their albums combined. So Darryl is gonna be the Michael that pisses me the fuck off... great. Bad my ass.
" You know what's bullshit. People telling me I'm going to be ok and I'll get over it. But you don't hear me bitching about it like you are." Darryl's face starts to tense up and balls his fists up.
" Ok I think it's time for us to all go to bed. No need for us to argue." Danny says sliding off from the counter. He looks at me with his eyes pleading for me not to fight. Then Billy and J5 come from around the corner with J5 over his shoulder with the root beer in his hand.
" I caught the Root Beer thief! What did I miss?" Billy asks.
" Oh nothing just someone wants to be a big baby about shit." I state smacking my lips together.
Instantly Darryl jumps off from the counter about to lunge at me. Danny pushes him back and the rest of the Michael's sort of hover around me for extra protection.
" What the fuck is your problem?!" Danny says trying his best to hold him back.
" Let me go! I'm not gonna let her talk shit about me!"
" And what you gonna do twinkle toes? Moonwalk on me?" I say laughing my ass off.
" Darryl cool it! Take your ass to bed if you gonna act like that!" Vince says.
Darryl starts to calm down and pushes Danny off of him. He then storms out of the kitchen up the stairs.
" Are you ok Jazz? I'm sorry he's even like that." James says rubbing my back.
" Yeah me too! I'll beat him up for you!" J5 says throwing his fist in the air.
" Yeah I'm fine.... Um how about y'all go to bed and I'll clean up."
" You sure? We can help?" Prince says sweetly.
" No it's fine really. Y'all go to bed I need some time alone." They all seem to agree and exit out of the kitchen with Danny straggling behind. He looks at me one last time and I give him a little smile. I start to pick up the paper plates and with my luck I give myself a very deep, paper cut.
"Fuck!" I curse to myself watching the blood ooze from my cut. Then I feel a presence behind me grabbing my arm.
"What happened?! You ok Jazzy?" I look up at Danny's beautiful brown eyes. His concerned face just makes me melt... Reggie never gave a fuck if I even tripped over my own feet. Plus I just love how my name comes out his mouth....even though all the Michael's in the house are all the same person.
" Yeah I'm fine I just cut my finger like an idiot." I chuckle pushing my curls back.
"Come here, let's run some water over it." He grabs my hand and runs cold water over my bleeding finger. I just examine his big ,warm, hands compared to mine. Then I see his discolored spots on his hand as well. I didn't even notice he was talking to me until he splashed water in my face.
" Hello Earth to Jazz." He says laughing.
" Huh?!" I look up at him with his huge grin on his face.
" I said I'm sorry about my other half's behavior. I don't know what's wrong with Darryl. I don't remember myself being like that honestly." He says turning off the water.
" You don't have to apologize for that. It's not your fault." He then holds pressure on the cut and grabs a towel to dry my hand.
" Well I just want to make sure he doesn't disrespect you that's all."
" And what you going to do if he does?" I smirk at him.
" He's more than likely gonna get checked." He winks at me and we both laugh. Then I start to hear my phone buzz on the counter. I look over my shoulder and see it's Reggie. I roll my eyes and flip my phone over. " You not gonna answer that?" He questions.
" No it's not important." I shake my head.
He lifts the towel off from my hand and the bleeding stopped.
" There you go! All better." He says as he kisses my hand. I can feel my cheeks beginning to get red.
" Well thank you Dr. Jackson."
" Any time Miss Jazz."
We both keep staring and smiling at each other with my hand still in his like we're in one of those cheesy romantic movies. I honestly haven't smiled ever since grandma died. My smile fades away when I think about her. Danny then becomes worried from the change of emotion on my face.
"You ok? Did I do something wrong?" He says searching my face for answers.
" No you didn't do anything. You should honestly go to bed. I think I got everything handled here." I take my hand away from his as he nods his head in agreement. " Oh ok. I understand. If you need anything let me know. Ok?" He rubs my shoulder and I give him a small nod.
" Ok. I'll remember that." He takes my hand again and kisses it one last time but I don't know if it was just me but it felt slower and more loving. It took my fucking breath away.
" Goodnight." He says slowly letting my hand slip away from his.
" Goodnight." I breathlessly say back as he walks out the kitchen up the stairs listening to his footsteps disappear. A lot of thoughts are going through my mind right now. But the biggest one right now is how the fuck I'm going to keep on living. I already feel like I'm going crazy since that first night they showed up. I'm lost and I don't know how to function without my Grandma. She was the last thing I had left. At least the house doesn't feel empty anymore.... it's filled with my imagination apparently cause there is no way this is still real. Especially me and Danny having a connection like we did. All I can do is just say fuck it and become a nut case. I hear my phone buzz again while I'm throwing away the trash. I flip it over to see Reggie calling me again. Rolling my eyes, I throw my phone into pizza crust filled trash can since a piece shit is calling me.