tick tock

eleven

it's two in the morning and i cant sleep. it was much easier to fall asleep when i was younger - the nightmares i used to have were much more mild.

now was a different story, however.

i never imagined i'd be staring at my ceiling, wishing i'd kissed the girl who pulled me out of a tick-attack. i didnt imagine ever falling - or feeling anything at all - for someone i dont even know, let alone another girl.

I was raised in a church, being told that someone liking someone with the same parts as you was a sin. i was told while growing up that i was meant to be with a man, and push a million kids out of my vagina in order to be considered a good christian woman.

my grandmother used to tell me, "one day, when you're older, im gonna fix you up the sweetest, most handsome man in the congregation, and yall will have the biggest white wedding."

well, gram...newsflash. i think i like girls.

no.

scratch that.

i know i like girls.

I sigh deeply as my eyes stay trained to the ceiling. my neck jerks slightly as i flash back to six hours ago. she had pressed me up against the hood of her car, her lips attached to my neck.

needless to say, i have a big ass hickey on the side of my neck and absolutely no concealer to cover it up. i had to fake a neck cramp when walking into my house.

breaking me from my thoughts, my phone began vibrating on the shelf beside my bed. I roll my eyes and force my body to roll onto its side, my arm reaching over to grab it. once the device was safely in my hand, I pull my arm to my chest and press the bright green button.

who cares about caller id at this point?

"it's two in the morning," I grumble into the phone, pressing it to my ear.

"im aware," a familiar voice says softly, her voice a bit hoarse. "why arent you asleep?"

"i could ask you the same thing," I say softly, rolling into my back once again.

"my brain wont shut the fuck up," billie says so softly, i almost didnt hear her. "your turn."

"same here," I reply, my arm moving to cover my eyes. "I shouldve known youd be up with how much you're running through my mind."

she chuckles softly, and I hear shuffling from her end before she speaks again. "real smooth, viv."

"wasnt it?" I joke with a smile, my teeth catching my bottom lip. "what are you thinking about?"

"you," she says shortly, followed by more shuffling. "i shouldve kissed you."

"i wouldve been okay with that," I say in a whisper, my hand moving down to my neck to prod at the dark spot on my neck.

"you sounded hella sexy when i was suckin' on your neck." billie states, following her words with a hum.

"stop," I say, my cheeks turning red.

"make me, baby girl," she says huskily, and I could practically see her tongue swipe across her lips.

"I would if I could." i say, letting out a longing sigh. "if only i weren't locked in a house like rapunzel."

"what would you do if i said im out back?" she asks softly, clearing her throat a little. "like, right now."

"I'd say you're insane," I admit with a laugh, running my hand through my messy hair.

"come to the window and let me in, princess," i hear the click of the phone and I stare at the black screen in my hand.

I toss the flannel duvet off of my body before pushing myself out of my bed and making sure my bedroom door is locked. I make my way to the window, seeing billie standing with her fingertips tapping against the phone grasped tightly in her hands.

"fuck, bro," she says as I pull open the window. "it took you long enough."

I roll my eyes playfully at her statement and look at her. "it took two seconds, chill."

as soon as she climbs through the window, she presses me against my closet door, her lips dangerously close to my own.

"so what exactly were you thinking about, baby girl?" she whispers softly, her lips brushing against mine as she spoke.

"just about how i shouldve kissed you," I mumble, my eyes staring into hers deeply.

you could cut the tension with a knife.

"anything else?" she mumbles, her tongue swiping across her bottom lip.

my breathing hitches in my throat as i look at her, "maybe a little more than kissing."

"is that so?" she asks softly, brushing my curly hair out of my face, her head leaning up just slightly.

I nod lightly, pulling my bottom lip between my teeth. "now what were you thinking about, bil?"

"a little more than just kissing," she says mockingly, gripping my hands and pinning them above my head. "what do you say, baby girl?"

"I'm down with that," I murmur softly, leaning my head toward hers.

"thank fuck," she says lowly, and suddenly her lips are on mine.