tick tock

fourteen

i push my hair out of my face as i walk into my house, the smell of cinnamon pancakes filling my senses. 

"i'm home," i call out, gripping the small bag of leftovers from ihop in my hand. 

"in the kitchen," my father calls back, and i can hear the scraping of forks against china as i walk through the doorway. "where have you been?"

"i went out with billie," i say softly, setting my leftovers in the refrigerator as my neck jerks slightly. "i didn't feel like waiting for you at the church."

"it's my job to stay there until everyone leaves," he says lowly, pushing his glasses up on his nose. "you would know that if you actually paid any attention to what i say."

i sigh deeply and pinch the bridge of my nose with my fingers, my eyes closing as i try not to let my attitude get the best of me. "daddy, i always pay attention to you - that's the point; i want to have fun sometimes, too."

"church is fun," he tells me, his eyes rolling as she shoves another forkful of pancakes into his mouth. "learning about why you're here is fun."

my neck jerks harshly, causing curse words to leave my lips at the pain. "motherfucker - fuckin' cunt - i just want to have fun with my best friend, is that too much to ask?"

my father sighs deeply, looking at me with narrow eyes over his glasses. "what's that on your neck?"

oh goddamn motherfucking cuntbags. i'm gonna kill billie.

"what do you mean?" i ask quietly, my eyebrows furrowing in fake confusion. "are you feeling okay?"

he shoves his chair back, causing a loud screech of the legs against the tile floor. "who in god's name did that?" he slams his hand on the wooden table before marching up to me, pulling my black turtleneck shirt down slightly. "what's his name, viviana?"

i frown at the pronoun, looking down at my feet. my neck jerks once again, the crick in my neck becoming larger with each jerk. "daddy-"

"who did this?" he asks through his teeth, his anger making his skin turn a reddish color. "what lowlife took my daughter's innocence?"

"no one-" i start, but he cuts me off with the rise of his hand. i flinch and back myself into the wall, my eyes closing tightly as curse words leave my lips. 

"whoever it is, viviana, you're gonna tell him that he can't come around you anymore." he growls as he towers over me. "go to your room and don't come out until i say so."

tears pour from my eyes as i bolt to my room, slamming my door and locking it before throwing myself on my bed dramatically. i pull my phone out of my back pocket, dialing the only number i could think of in that moment. 

"i literally saw you ten minutes ago, don't say you miss me already," billie picks up after three rings, a soft laugh leaving her voice.

"bil," i sniffle, my breathing labored from the slight panic in my veins. 

"are you crying?" she asks, and i could practically see her eyes getting wide from the other line. "baby, what happened?"

"he s-saw-" i hiccup, more tears falling from my face as the painful jerkings of the neck continued. "motherfucker - he s-said that i have to c-cut you off-"

"he knows it was me?" she asks, the confusion laced tightly into her voice. "don't answer that - just take deep breaths for me, viv."

i nod slightly to myself, trying to take a deep enough breath so my lungs would stop fluttering. i grip my cell phone tightly in my hand, closing my eyes tightly as i roll onto my back, pulling as much air as i could into my lungs before exhaling. 

"i'm sorry," i whisper into the phone when my lungs finally decided to work with me. 

"don't ever be sorry for this," she says softly, and i can hear her shut her car door. "i'm in the alley."

"be careful - i don't know if they're outside or not." i mumble, bringing my hand to my lips to bite on my nails. "i don't want you getting caught sneaking in."

"i'm sneaky, baby girl," she says softly, and i can hear the grin in her voice. "is your window unlocked?"

"always," i mutter, looking up at my ceiling. 

"okay, one sec-" she hangs up the phone and i look over at the window, waiting a maximum of five seconds before billie is pushing my window open and climbing into my room. "hey, baby girl.."

she scrambles over to me and pulls me into her arms, holding me as my neck jerks harshly and in random patterns. she runs her fingers through my curly hair slowly and sighs deeply, humming a soft tune into my ear. 

"i know it makes you nervous, but i promise you...it's worth it, to show them everything youve kept inside.." she sings softly, rocking my body back and forth slightly to calm my ticks slightly. "don't hide..too shy to say, but i hope you stay - don't hide away. come out and play."

i hide my face in her chest and take deep breaths, mumbling softly. "my neck is killing me."

"from the hickies or from the ticks?" she asks me, pressing her lips to my forehead. "the hickies are pretty dark, i wouldn't be surprised if they hurt."

"you're such a bitch," i huff, my eyes closing as i grip onto her black shirt. "when i was ticking, i just- i felt this pain go all the way into my shoulder." 

"that's not good," she mumbles softly, her hands moving up to massage the side of my neck. her hands rest around my throat momentarily before moving down to my shoulders. "sorry- got distracted."

hi hi double update im tired as fuck and dont wanna go to work today so im stalling