Bloom

78. calm after the storm

Zephaniah

My teeth chattered as the breeze flew through my window, softly but effectively hitting my skin. I snuggled deeper into the warm covers, staring down tiredly at the empty blanket as the loud cries of the baby awoke me. I yawned, hearing how Mum shushed Jedidjah.

Resting my hand underneath my cheek, I found comfort in my father's footsteps, that tried to walk around so quietly for me- oblivious to the fact that I had been awake for a little while now.

I touched the blanket, still feelings his hairs on it. I felt exhausted, but the baby was rather loud- I couldn't fall back asleep. It saddened me, the meltdown had been so extremely tiring, I wanted to sleep so bad. I flapped my hands, not being used to this kind of disturbing of my sleep, the unfamiliar noises in the familiar house.

It overwhelmed me, but I tried to put my focus on something else. I stimmed for a little while, it felt good, but tiring as well. Rolling over to my back, I stared at the ceiling, feeling disheartened for many reasons. Thoughts clouded my mind, I got lost in many stare moments, shutting myself off completely.

I didn't get out of it, until I heard my door open and close. I kept lying in the position I was currently lying in, staring at the dark silhouette that walked closer to my bed. It was baba, he looked as tired as I felt. "Can I join you?" He asked. "Lie beside you, for a little while." He elaborated, probably noticing my questionable eyes.

Removing the covers off my body, I scooted to the left side, watching Dad as he lied down beside me, his eyes trained onto my face. "I figured you were awake. I'm sorry that your sleep gets stolen."

"Yours too." I whispered, feeling his warmth. He draped the covers over our bodies, pressing his nose against mine for a brief moment, something he did quite a lot when I was younger. "You sad, dad?"

"I wanted to show you something. I know it's the middle of the night, but.." Dad hesitated, his eyes roaming over my face. "Do you want to see? I just really feel the need to show you.. but if you want to go back to sleep, that's no question, Zeph."

"Okay." I said, slowly processing what he was telling me, my sleepy mind hazy.

Dad sat up, he switched on my nightlight. "Sit up, Zeph." I obeyed, glancing at him with questionable eyes. I didn't really understand what he was about to do, but when he placed a photo album onto his lap, my heart thumped a little.

He hadn't really showed it much before- he said he wanted to finish it first. And besides, I didn't always like looking at myself, the difference between me and normal children was too visible in some of the photos. But for some reasons, I felt at peace with it now. I didn't quite know why. Had I finally, in a way, accepted the way I was?

"Come." Dad said quietly, wrapping his arm around my shoulders. He pulled me closer that way, I covered our legs with my warm covers, resting my head against his shoulder. "Look at you." He said, once he had opened the album. It was a photo of when I was not even one day old, sleeping in daddy's bed back at my grandmothers house.

Dad was pretty creative, the whole page decorated with his written words or tiny drawings around the photos. The birth card was there too, along with the lyrics of the song he wrote for me when I was a baby. It made me quiet, I didn't really know what to say. You're like a flower, that buds into bloom. You open so gently, and light up the room.

"We're in the bath, here." Dad smiled, pointing at a photo where I would've been around three years old, Dad twenty one. He was holding me close to his bare chest, our dark hair flat and stuck to our foreheads due to the shower water. "You always cuddled so close to me when we were in the bath. I'll never forget those moments. You were always calm, I was too tired to shower myself after I would have bathed you, so we went together."