•It All Started With A Phone Call•

THĮRTĖĖN [sc] [v]

RØRY
I didn't move off the couch, not even when pa and dad came barreling into the apartment. I just stared at the wall in front of me and huddled up in my blankets more.

"Rory, baby!" Pa was saying when I zoned back in. He was kneeling in front of me, hands on my knees and big, worried eyes. "You said that last time was the end of it. Is it because we sent you here, RJ?"

I shake my head and hide it in my burrito of comforting blankets. I didn't want anyone around right now. I wanted to be on my own.

I feel the couch dip underneath me and I know that dad was the only one heavy enough to dip the whole couch. Also, he smelt like lemon grass and fog.

"RJ," he says gently. "Hey, want do you want right now?" Dad brushed my hair behind my ear and I flinch away.

"Quiet," I mumbled. Dad hummed and I can't see him but I know he's looking at pa for help. Leave me alone where I might hurt myself, or stay and go against my wishes.

"Do you want Kay?" Pa asked, removing his hands from me.

God, the idea of Kay seeing me like this was too embarrassing. He'd think I was so weak and pathetic. I mean, I was, but knowing that Kay was thinking it made it worse.

I shake my head and both my dads sigh.

I felt like I was letting them down, I had told them that I'd never attempt to kill myself again after the last time eight months ago and I let them down. I went back on my word. I made them mad. I'm going to be punished, no doubt.

She would cut at my wrists when she found me. She'd say, 'oh you want to die? After everything I've done for you? You fucking selfish bitch!' While she did it.

I whimpered at the ghost of her scarlet hair brushing against my cheeks and her crazy blue eyes making me feel so small.

"Rory, I think it's time for you to see the therapist." Dad whispered.

I nodded, because I know he's right. He's always been right at his messed up I am.

I wanted Kay. I wanted his hugs, he gave the best hugs and they always made me feel wanted. I wanted him, but I couldn't have him see me like this.

I stand up abruptly, swaying on my feet and little black dots in my eyes from not taking my iron tables for way to long.

I go into my room, pa calling out for me in a confused manner, but I ignored him.

I shuffled through my drawers and found Kay's hoodie that I had stolen on Wednesday. I pull it on over my head, it hung off me. It was already oversized on Kay and he wasn't that much bigger than me build wise, but height wise? It was like a dress on me.

I brought the collar up and inhale the beautiful smell of smoke and cherries.

Before I know it, I'm crying. I thought I had cried enough for a whole year this morning, but I was wrong apparently. They were silent tears of wanting and shame.

I was so ashamed.

Kay didn't deserve me, a broke mess of a person. I had too many problems, he was just too good for me.

"Rory," it's pa. Pa was always the one they sent in afterwards, we connected more because he got it. "I know you don't want Kay, but I think he should-"

"No!" I cry at my pa. He shuts his mouth, pressing his lips together hard enough that their usual pink colour faded into forced white. "No! If he comes- if he's sees me like this...he'll leave..."

Pa frowns before hugging me.

"No way in hell is that boy going anywhere. He loves you, baby. Scars and all." Pa cups my face. "I know it might not seem like it, but he doesn't care what type of emotional baggage you are carrying around."

Deep down, I know what pa's saying is true. I grimaced and nodded against pa's shoulder.

"I'll call him." I muttered and pa pats me on the back, giving me a nice smile.

"Good, Good." And then he was gone, placing a kiss on my temple first.

I sigh, I didn't want to do this, but I grabbed my phone from my desk and dialled my most recent call.

"Pet, is everything okay? Homeroom's just about to start." Kay said, a chorus of cheering in the background. It was the boys cheering some new song of the week no doubt.

"I'm sorry." Great, that's what I start out with. A choked 'I'm sorry' that is so clearly me holding back even more tears.

"Hush, Pet. Talk to me, what happened." He's walking fast, I can tell by the blur of noise in the background.

"I'm sorry! The nightmares were bad! It's my birthday on Sunday and I'm always sad around that! I'm sorry! I just wanted it to stop so I- so I- i had spare anti-depressants and I just- it was too loud! I'm sorry-"

Kay shushed over the line when I cut myself off with wailing.

"Baby, Pet, it's okay." He assured me and it went quite behind him. "I'm on my way, just send me the address, I'll be right there."

"You're not mad?" I asked.

"No, never, Rory." I hear the engine of Kay's car burst to life and it just told me, 'you'll be in his arms soon'. "I'm sad that you didn't call for help, or that you had to feel so sad in the first place, but I'd never be mad at you."

I sobbed again, just once. "You're to good for me."

"Don't insult my boyfriend like that please, sir." Kay joked and it made me smile, a real smile.

"Who said I was your boyfriend?" I teased back, because I felt like it. Talking to Kay made me happy.

"Be my boyfriend?" I gasped because of the bluntness, the yes or no answer that he expected.

"Just please hurry so I can cuddle you." I mumbled, not giving him an answer because I suck.

"Of course," Kay sounded almost defeated when he replied but it was clear he was trying to hide it from the overly happy undertone. "Bye, Pet."

"Yeah, bye." Then I hung up and snuggled into the mattress and doona.