New Girl

Chapter 20

"Hi, my name is Piper Chapman. Alex Vause was so many things to me. My first friend. My girlfriend. The love of my life. And now she's gone and I don't know how. Every moment I spent with her felt timeless. And I took them all for granted, because I was an idiot and thought that I was going to have an infinite amount of time with her. Boy was I wrong. She didn't deserve to die, and we all know it. Because she was an amazing person that sure as hell didn't deserve what she got.

            But let's not talk about that. Let's talk about what she is and forever will be. Because eulogies aren't just for talking about how you're sorry that someone is dead, or how you think it's your fault, regardless of whether or not it is. Eulogies are for talking about how amazing someone was during life. They're about telling everyone who didn't know her too well all of the amazing experiences that you had with her. And boy did I have a lot of amazing experiences with her. I was the new girl at school this year. Most kids didn't give me a chance. But Alex did.

            Alex and I became friends when I ran into her. Literally. I was looking at my phone while walking into a coffee shop before the first day of school, she was walking out with Nicky. And I literally ran into her. To be completely honest, it sounds like the kind of typical love story that you would see in a movie. But our love story was anything but typical. Most people looked at us and thought that our relationship was a normal one. But they're wrong. Because Alex was different.

            She may not have seemed like it to outsiders, but Alex was one of the most caring people I have ever met. She always knew what to say to make me feel better. Always. She was always there for me. No matter what the situation. I could be stressed about a stupid chemistry test or complaining about how much people were annoying me. But it never mattered to Alex. She helped me without complaint every time.

            What I had with Alex Vause was the most honest and real thing in my life. Believe me when I say that I want nothing more than for Alex to be here next to me. But this world is not a wish-granting factory. Regardless of how much I want that, I know that it is not going to happen.

            You can shed tears that she is gone or you can smile because she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back or you can open your eyes and see all of the amazing things that she has left on this planet. Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her or it can be full of the love you shared with her. You can remember her and only that she’s gone or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back. Or you can do what she’d want: smile, open your eyes, learn to love again and move on.

            They say love is blind. I was dazed when I met you. But destined to fall.

            Thomas Edison's last words were 'It's very beautiful over there'. I don't know where there is, but I believe it's somewhere, and I hope it's beautiful. And let's be honest, if it wasn't beautiful before, it sure as hell will be now that Alex is there.

            One of the last things that Alex said was that she was sorry that she was hurting me. What she didn't know was  that I was happy to be hurt by her. You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world,  but you do have some say in who hurts you. And I like my choices. 

            Alex Vause, I love you. My time with you felt infinite. And I would like to thank you for our little infinity."

I give complete credit to John Green for some of the lines in this eulogy. I wanted to make people want to cry, and he makes me want to cry, so I borrowed some of my favourite lines of his. Don't want to get sued for copyright infringement or anything lol.