She's My Bodyguard

Seventeen

L

Mason has left for work, and Agnes was waited for me that morning.

"Are you sure you want to do this?" She asked me softly as I climbed in the passenger seat of her car.

"I don't think I have a choice, Agnes... I can't go without my meds." She stayed silent, and started her car.

"You haven't told him." It wasn't a question. I closed my eyes, tears threatening to pour down my cheeks.

"I can't." I admitted in a choked voice. "I can't tell him because it will make things worse."

"Not telling him could destroy your entire relationship, Leysa." I wiped my cheeks. She was right. I had to say something. "I'll take you by... You can call him down."

The drive was silent. I didn't want music nor did I want to talk. When we got there, he was leaving for lunch.

"Leysa?" I had gotten out of the car, but I hadn't said anything. "Leysa, what's going on?"

"I'm... I'm pregnant." He didn't react. "And.. I don't want you to be mad at me if I don't keep it." Instead, he surprised me. He pulled me into a hug.

"Thank you... For telling me." The tears I had been holding back came loose. "No, I won't be mad... Your mental state is more important." He murmured. "There will be a time, but it's not now." He pulled back. "Do you want me to come with you?" I shook my head.

"No... You have work... It's not going to be done today, anyways." He nodded.

"Okay... Just give me a call after, okay?" I nodded back before he kissed my cheek, and opened the door for me and I got in. His eyes held sadness that I could read. I know he wanted a kid eventually... But I couldn't carry it.

After we had left and got to the office, it was already time for my name to be called after I finished filling out paperwork.

"Can you list all your medications for me?" The nurse asked. I handed her the paper of all my medications and she kind of went wide eyed.

"I was front line... Trust me, it could be a lot worse." I had a friend who's dad was Desert Storm, and the first batch of Anthrax vaccines were given and he received it, and it royally fucked him up. I got lucky.

"Well, if you're looking to go through-"

"I'm not. I already know I can't give up my medications." She silently took my vitals and waited for the doctor to come in.

"Ms. Romera? Hi, I'm Dr. Song." I smiled tightly, sitting up. "When did you find out you were pregnant?" She looked at the computer.

"Two days ago. The VA didn't have anything available until Friday." She nodded, and warmed up the ultrasound machine.

"I know it's not going to be what you want to hear, but you will be able to continue with the pregnancy, you just have to ween yourself off the medications and substitute it with another item."

"I tried the CBD, it doesn't work for me in regular doses. I'd have to take half a bottle of 1000mg each day to even function properly."

"I understand... But if you choose not to, I don't personally do them, but I do have a doctor here who does. He will not schedule you unless you go to a psychologist for counseling first." She looked at me. "Also, it can't be a VA doctor, either." Well, Mason already knew. "He's going to want consent from both parties to cover his rear, too.  If you can't get both-"

"My boyfriend already knows and he'll give his consent." She nodded.

"I still need to do an ultrasound to determine placement and size."

*

Back at home, I was completely torn. I'd have to get off all my medications, start prenatal vitamins, and have mood swings a hundred times worse than normal pregnant women, or I could go through with it, racking up a CBD bill that would put a dent into his bank account.

"Do you want anything to eat?" Agnes asked me as Spitfire curled into my lap, his head on my belly.

"Something light, please." I wasn't too hungry, but I was having doubts.

"Is potato soup alright?"

"That's perfect." I kicked the recliner up, allowing the dog to get more comfortable.

Mason came home right after I had finished my first bowl of soup.

"What'd the doctor say?" He asked, serving himself a bowl and grabbed a piece of garlic bread.

"She said that it is possible for me to have a kid, just... expensive." My stomach rumbled.

"She wants you to ween off and use CBD instead?" He hit the nail on the head. "I mean, money definitely isn't an issue, but that's not the point." I no longer felt hungry for the second bowl of food.

"No, but I see it two ways... It's my second chance at having a child, but I also see it as being too unstable, and making you miss too many important meetings... and me failing as a mother because I'm so fucked up." I closed my eyes. "I don't know if I can do it, Mason..." He took my hand.

"I am with you one hundred percent on what you decide to do, Leysa. I know too many men that it would be a dealbreaker, but we're different." Tears wanted to come out of my eyes but I bit them back. "If you want to do this, I'll put my stand-in in charge for everything. He's been itching for some more work lately." It still didn't make me feel better about the situation. "I will only go once a week to deal with the most important stuff, like approvals, and then the rest of the time, I'll be here." He squeezed my hand gently. I wasn't someone to abandon... problems... but it came down to the fact I couldn't function without medication. It's a fact of life I had to face since my discharge.

"You would forgive me if I chose to go through with an abortion?" I asked quietly.

"I would. But I won't stop you if you want to see this through." I swallowed heavily, leaning my head on his shoulder.

"I really don't want to let go." I choked out.

"So then we go through this together." He kissed my forehead. "We'll schedule an appointment with the VA and we'll go from there." I didn't deserve Mason. I really didn't. He had taken such good care of me, and it was a feeling I had missed dearly...

It hurt that I couldn't give him the same.

Sometimes, controversial topics need to be discussed. Whether you agree or disagree, it's not your choice what someone else does at the end of the day. It doesn't effect you. It effects the person who has to go through with it.