havoc | bellamy blake (book two)

19 | nothing they could do

Jovie felt like she was in a daze as they made their way back to Camp Jaha. The Grounders had Finn and there was nothing they could do about that. If there was any chance for peace, it was because Finn would be dead. There was only one end to this.

The camp stood in silence as the Grounders chanted wildly outside the gates. No one knew what to say.

"What is that?" Raven asked as the Grounders began setting up a pole in the center.

"It's for Finn," Clarke answered. "They want us to watch."

"To prove to us what happens when you kill them," Jovie added.

"We're gonna get him," Bellamy said. Jovie looked at her feet. She wished she believed him. Normally she would be the one to be optimistic, but she was running low on that. "We'll get in close, and we'll hit them hard."

"Son, there's thousands of them," Kane said solemnly. He didn't want to be the bearer of bad news, but he happened to be right. "Even if we could kill hundreds, they'd still wipe out this camp and your friend would still die."

"We have to try," Bellamy urged.

"Abby," Raven said. "Abby, we have to do something."

"No, Raven," she answered softly. Clarke looked over and made eye contact with Bellamy and Jovie, signalling them over. They met up with her to see what she had in mind.

"Take this," Clarke said as she handed her gun to Bellamy.

"What're you doing?" He asked.

"I'm gonna talk to the Commander," she told him.

"What else do you have to say?" He asked.

"I don't know," she answered honestly. "I don't know." She was just desperate to do something. Jovie could see that.

"Clarke," Bellamy said.

"Give me your hand," Raven said. She gently shoved a small knife into Clarke's sleeve. "If she won't let him go, kill her. Things will go crazy, and then we'll grab you and Finn. Clarke, you have to help him. I owe him my life."

Before Clarke left, Jovie grabbed her and pulled her into a hug.

"Do what you have to," Jovie whispered. Jovie didn't know exactly what that would be, but she trusted Clarke to make the right decision. Clarke backed out of the hug and gave her a nod, silently telling her she understood.

Bellamy shut the gate then they headed back over to the fence so they would be able to see what was happening. Clarke was brave as she walked through the Grounders. Jovie could tell Abby was nervous as she watched her daughter walk through enemy territory.

Jovie bit her lip as she watched them drag Finn towards the pole. She could feel a lump forming in her throat, but she didn't want to cry. That made it feel too real.

"Come on, Clarke, do it," Raven said. But Jovie knew: if Clarke killed the Commander, both her and Finn would be dead. Clarke was smarter than that. When she walked over to Finn, Jovie had a bad feeling she knew what was going to come next. "What is she doing?"

Clarke ran over to Finn and kissed him. She leaned in to give him a hug and that was when it was done.

Everything seemed to blur together. Raven's screams sounded so far away as Jovie just stood there staring at Finn's now dead body. She wanted to help Raven, but she couldn't. It was like her body wasn't capable of anything. She was frozen. Bellamy went to reach for Jovie, but she took a step back.

"No. No. Help Raven," she choked out before turning around to head back to the ship. There were too many people around. She felt like she was being closed in. She didn't want to lose it in front of all of them. She couldn't.

The crowd spread for her as she walked through, like they knew that she was barely keeping it together and getting in her way was just going to make things worse.

"Jovie," Murphy's voice filled her ears. He grabbed her arm but she ripped it out of his grip.

"Don't," she said. She wasn't mad at him. She just knew that if she let him comfort her here, she would lose it. Tears started to pool in her eyes, but she refused to let them fall until she was out of sight.

They had lost people while being down here, but none of them felt like family to her. This was Finn. Spacewalker. He meant something to all of them. And now he was just gone.

Jovie rushed through the halls until she reached her and Bellamy's room, slamming the door shut behind her. She stood there for a moment, just staring at the ground, until she finally lost it. She let out a pained scream as she swiped everything that was on the shelf onto the floor. She kicked the chair out of her way before punching the wall. For her, it was easier to be angry than sad. She knew how to handle anger, but she didn't know how to handle sadness. But she was sad. Finn was dead. There was nothing they could do about that. There was no fixing this.

She let out a scream again, which ended being more of a sob than anything else. This time she buried her face in her hands and sunk to the floor instead of hitting something. She had let out her anger and now she allowed herself to be sad.

She hadn't even heard the door open either until she felt Bellamy wrapping his arms around her. He sat down on the ground next to her and pulled her over so that she was basically sitting on his lap. They just sat there in silence for a while as she sobbed into his chest and he ran his hand through her hair.

After a while she pulled back, hastily wiping her tears off her cheeks. She was getting back to the anger phase, suddenly feeling mad about the whole situation.

"Your shoulder's bleeding," Bellamy noted, reaching over to where her bullet wound was still healing.

"I don't care," she said, standing to her feet. "I don't care about my damn shoulder. Finn is dead!" He sighed as he stood to his feet. He had come in expecting this side of Jovie, so he was surprised to see her crying how she was. Now he was ready to handle her anger.

"Jo-"

"I could have stopped him, Bellamy," she said. "I knew he wasn't okay and I still let him into that village with a gun. I let him kill them." She paced around the room and Bellamy just watched her, letting her get it all out before he would say anything. "I let him kill them and I let them kill him! This is just as much my fault as it is his." Now he grabbed her and held her by her arms so that she was looking at him.

"Look at me," he said sternly, only so that she would actually listen to him. "This is not your fault. And if you refuse to believe that then it's my fault too. I let you three continue on when I knew he wasn't himself too. Then it's Abby's fault too, for giving us guns. It's Clarke's fault for being missing and making him look for her. It's the Mountain Men's fault for taking her. It's the Grounders' fault for the war. Jovie, we can sit here and make a list of who's to blame, but that's not going to help anyone. The only thing we can do now is figure out how we help our friends get out of Mount Weather. Use your anger to make the Mountain Men regret taking them."

Jovie stared at him for a few seconds before nodding. She still felt like crying but she was afraid that if she didn't stop now, then she would never stop. She had been holding in so much and Finn's death had just set her over.

"Okay," she finally said. "I'll do it because that's what Finn would have wanted."

"Yes, he would," Bellamy agreed. "We do it for Finn."