Spark of Joy

12

"When I was sixteen, I was... depressed, you could say. My friends and I fell apart, my biological dad and I fought all the time. I was just so angry. I was doing okay in school, but the thing is, though, I was told all the time that I was blessed. That I should be thankful for everything I had, because there were others who had it worse than me. And they were right, it was true," Zoe told other students through the microphone. She was invited to her old high school to talk to the current classes. "But at the same time, the amount of pain and hurting someone goes through varies from person to person. You could have straight A's, you could be economically stable, you could have all you ever wanted, but that doesn't mean you can be okay all the time. No one can do that. 

"For me it started to get bad around winter, and that's when someone asked me to think about what would happen if I didn't exist. At first I thought things would be better for my loved ones, but when I looked deeper into the equation I found it not what I wanted. My friends wouldn't be who they are, my siblings wouldn't be here, my parents wouldn't have been together. All I wanted was for them to be happy. I thought they would be happier without me, but turns out I make them happy. There is always someone who is happy when you're around, even if you haven't found them, you are a spark of joy to someone. 

"Thank you." 

The students clapped and applauded her speech. Of course there were the usual comments like: "That was stupid," or "This was pointless," but nevertheless, Zoe had hoped her words reached and helped somebody in the audience. With a sigh of relief she walked over to her empty chair to await the next group of kids. She felt completion now that she had spoken to where she felt most lost. 

She finally felt whole.