It's Love - Namjoon X Reader

I Didn't Lie

As darkness becomes light, the world reappeared. I wasn't in the last place I remember, but instead, the smell of sanitiser and soap overwhelmingly consumed my nose as I had come to realise where I am. I was sprawled across a hospital bed while needles came out of my arm, causing my stomach to feel queasy at the sight of it.

The recollection of my thoughts had sparked the memory of what had occurred before finding myself in this place. The image of Namjoon's face when I walked into the room had been crafted in my mind and suddenly I was finding it hard to breathe as I begun to choke up, while tears fell swiftly down the sides of my cheeks. I had hurt them and my family had taken something away from me once more. The sensation of anger too was beginning to build within me. All I wanted to do was scream, but I knew that doing such a thing would get me nowhere, but cause disruption amongst those around me.

Everything just felt wrong and I didn't know what I was going to do anymore. However, the taste of alcohol was suddenly what I was finding myself craving. A sensation I hadn't felt since my last mental collapse, but this time, it was worse. Unfortunately, as things go from bad to worse, the door a few feet away from me opened slowly and what I'm welcomed to had only made my anger and sadness levels rise. Namjoon had walked through the door, slowly followed by Jungkook, Yoongi, Jimin, Hoseok, Tae and then finally Jin. I didn't want to see any of them, I just wanted to be alone. Although I considered them friends, what they did to me wasn't fair.

I sat up slightly from my bed. I didn't want to look at any of them, I don't know why they bothered to show up. It had become clear that none of them had wanted anything to do with me anymore. I briefly looked at Namjoon who had a softness in his eyes as he sat at the end of the bed. Jin, however, juxtaposed such feelings, but instead played it as if he were to be stern, but underneath I could see he felt guilty. Probably because he put me in the hospital, you would hope so I guess.

"Y/n..... Are you okay?" Namjoon said, his voice smooth but serious. I could tell he wasn't happy.

"No, I'm not okay. You put me in the fucking hospital" I said as angrily as I could. I had never acted in such a way before, but I was mad, very mad. Mad at the world, mad at the boys, mad at my family and mad at myself. I didn't mean to be so harsh, and it wasn't as if I wanted them out of my life forever, but I knew that was best for them.

"We didn't mean to put you in the hospital Y/n" Jimin spoke softly.

"We- We just wanted to know why you lied to us" Tae then spoke as well, only building up the fire that had been lit within me.

"I didn't lie to you!" I screamed, causing the room to fill with nothing but silence. My heart was pounding as I had prepared to pour my entire soul and history out to them. "You know, I was going to tell you about my family, but I have absolutely nothing to do with them anymore because my entire life they treated me as if I were something they could control just to make more money!" My voice only seemed to go higher and higher as the tears just seemed to fall once again.

"Y/n we.."

"No! Let me speak first Namjoon, that's what you wanted, right?" As I tilted my head, he fell silent once more and as I breathed out harshly, I prepared the words I had bottled up inside.

"Yes, my family owns that stupid commercial company and because of that company I had no childhood. As soon as I could speak, it was lesson after lesson of useless things that I had no interest in but, had to do because it was my 'responsibility' to take over the family business as soon I was of age. I had no friends growing up and my younger brother hated me because he got no attention whatsoever. After the abuse and hardship only grew more intense and more tiresome, each day I just became sadder as my passions were ignored, my dreams were ignored, who I wanted to be was ignored and it broke me. It got to the point where I rebelled against their advances, and so they didn't want me anymore. I did what I did and I ran away from home, taking what money I had. I finished school on my own, rented an apartment on my own, found a job on my own and I thought I had found something special with a person on my own, but, I don't really want to talk about that or do you want me to explain my past relationships as well? No? Didn't think so. I didn't lie to any of you. The only reason that I didn't tell you about my family is because I don't consider them to be. So next time you find anything else about me, maybe ask before shoving a phone into my face and causing me to end up in the hospital.... I've had a lot of horrible things happen to me and I certainly don't need anything else. To save you all the trouble, just never see me again" As I finish speaking, in one swift movement I pull the needles from my arm and I jump out of the bed. I push the boys out of the way, who in which, remain silent and I leave the room slamming the door behind me.

My anger had subdued, as a massive weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I didn't want to see them, I didn't want to see anyone. I always end up alone, I guess I can't change that.

I run home quickly, the rain falling once more, hitting gently on my back.

As soon as I open the door, I am enraged at the silence as it irritates me. I grab the closest thing that sits on the bench and I smash it. The glass shattering rings in my ears, but brings a sense of relief. I do it again and again, each time growing louder till nothing was left.

I fell quietly against the wall, pulling at my hair as I had become an emotional wreck. Everything just seemed to collapse at once and I couldn't take it anymore.

___

I sit there in shock as I hear the door slam. I try to turn my body but instead, it becomes jarred like an old machine.

I stand from the bed and I look at the boys that stood behind me. I didn't know what I felt anymore, mad I suppose, sad, most definitely, but guilty, yes, I was consumed by it.

"I hope you're happy" I couldn't look at them, I couldn't look at anyone.

It was Jin's words at that moment, however, that sent me off.

"Namjoon.. I'm S-"

~Authors Notes~

I hope everyone had a good Christmas and New Years! 💜💜💜