It's Love - Namjoon X Reader

Loss

"I'm sorry Namjoon. I-I didn't know" Jin's eyes begin to swell as his head continued to look below him. The others who stand beside him and before I, too could not raise their heads. I was furious and for some reason, hurt. 

I try to stay calm as anger never truly works, it just causes more pain. I could see they were all suffering, however, my feelings for Y/n were stronger than the love I have for my band mates at this moment in time.

"This is your fault. It's all of your faults. All of you didn't have to react the way you did. I mean, why didn't you speak to me properly? Why did you treat Y/n as if she wasn't human, all you did was read an article online and make an assumption. All of you are guilty of crushing her heart. I mean, I can understand why you were mad, but no one deserves to be treated how Y/n was" I try to keep my voice stable, but every now and again it shake's as if something was stuck in my throat.

Jin continues to stay silent as tears slowly fall from his eyes with ease and I notice his body begins to shake.

"Namjoon we-I was just worried about you, that's all. I'm sorry I took it too far" As Jin slowly raises his head to reveal the state his emotions are in, the other's stay silent.

"I'm leaving. None of you talk to me. I need time to figure out how to fix all this" I sigh deeply and leave the room. I need to track down Y/n as it has become clear what happens when she is in a depressed state. I was worried and scared that maybe this time... she'll take it too far.

I look up at the sky as the light turns into darkness and the day once again comes to an end. My mind, however is only thinking about Y/n. Her smile, her laugh, they way she makes me feel and when she comes just a little too close without realising it, making my heart want to explode.

I really care about her. Now that I've learned her past, it makes me want to express the love I have for her even more. I need to fix this quickly, before it's too late.

___

Have you ever been so sad that you go through each day, performing each task as it comes as you normally would, but feel so dead inside that everything just mumbles into one big mess and suddenly it's the next day? That was me currently. This sensation was strange, I mean, I thought I wouldn't be able to get out of bed, but somehow I did. As morning rose, I woke up as I normally would and went to work as if everything were fine. My mind wasn't in the present, however it was someplace else. Somewhere dark and deep. I had no means of escaping, I didn't have the power to.

Hours go by and it feels like nothing, but slow at the same time I suppose. Although I am myself, I am drained and lifeless. I just wanted to sit in the corner of my room and drink until I pass out, and then wake up the next day just to repeat it. I had never felt so isolated in my entire life. Why am I this person? I couldn't help but sigh at the thought of it.

As my brain slowly turns to darkness, I hear something at the door. I drag myself across the ground until eventually there is nothing but empty space between my hand and the door handle.

With much hesitation I open it slightly and with much effort I try to speak.

"Who is it?" I ask, leaning my head against the door frame as my body was weak.

"Y/n, it's me Namjoon. Can I come in?" I was surprised, but my body didn't react the way I thought it would. Instead, I stayed lifeless and sad. I wanted him to come in, but that's not what my mouth said.

"Sorry, I don't want to see you" I look up slightly with what energy I have left. Namjoon, he looks tired and sad. The stubble growing from his chin was clearly visible and the bag's underneath his eyes just didn't seem to end. I felt bad, but my brain didn't comprehend that.

"When was the last time you ate something? You look weak Y/n. Please look after yourself" He seemed genuinely concerned and I felt my heart warm for a second.

"I'm fine Namjoon, really, just please leave me alone" As I go to close the door he holds it open.

"Take this at least. It's food and water that should last a day or so. I'll come back again later. Please look after yourself, I really care for you Y/n"

As I grab the bag, I close the door in one swift motion. As I walk by the table, I throw it on the counter and sit back in the corner of the room, taking a bottle of alcohol instead. I was tired and lost. I wanted to be relieved of the pain I was feeling. 

In all honesty, I wanted to start over. I wanted to be born again, but this time into a loving family where I could be whoever I wanted and not turn out to be the mess I have become.

I wanted to start over.

___

As I walk slowly back to the dorm, dragging my feet across the ground, I have the urge to run back to her, but I don't. I just keep going forward.

As I walk through the door, taking off my shoes, I'm welcomed to Jungkook's bright eyes.

"How did it go Hyung?"

I don't answer him. Instead, I swerve to my room, locking the door behind me.

"Ah, Jungkook. I'm guessing it didn't go well"

"I'm thinking so. What are we going to do Hoseok Hyung?"

"I'm not sure. Apologise would be the best thing I suppose, but I can tell she doesn't want to see us. If it does somehow work out, then she might be more open to Namjoon and let him back in"

Jungkook slowly nods his head in agreeance with Hoseok. Jin, however quietly hid in the room beyond, listening to the two of them speak. He felt guilt overcome his body once more as the distress visible within Jungkook's voice only made him feel worse. He knew he was the one who needed to fix this no matter what it took, thus sparking a plan within his bright mind.  

~Authors Notes~

It's really scary here in Australia at the moment. The fires aren't far from where I live but I'm so fortunate to not have anything bad happen to my family and I. The smoke however is unbearable. I woke up this morning and I thought it was super early because orange light was coming into my room, but it was just thick smoke.

This photo was taken at 12:00pm from my window