spin the bottle// byler

v (confessions)

it's all a little much. i mean, the way she put her hands on him made my stomach uneasy. i guess it was no different than the rest of the kisses that night, but something about it shook me. of course i know what it is, what's to blame. or who rather. it's all because of will. innocent will. kind will. sweet will. completely untainted and pure will. but, now, someone has stolen his innocence from him. i'm probably being a little dramatic. okay, i know i'm being dramatic, but that's my will.

nobody has looked up to see me yet. they all have their eyes on max and will, who have been kissing for probably at least a minute now. i can see her jaw slack a little bit, signaling that at this point, there is tongue involved with the kiss. my face begins to heat up again, with rage and jealousy. i feel betrayed. i don't know if maybe max doesn't realize this is will's first kiss or maybe she does and just doesn't care, but it's obvious to see that he is overwhelmed. i want to push them apart and hold will tight like i did earlier today at his house while i was 'sleeping'. i want to whisper sweet nothings in his ear and give him a first kiss that is slow and steady, like he deserves.

of course i'm still just standing here on the stairs not speaking or making my presence known. until i accidentally step on a creaky board on the stairs, then everyone's eyes are on me.

"hey, you're back! you didn't miss much." dustin smiles.

i didn't miss much? bullshit.

i don't say anything, i'm afraid if i open my mouth i'll end up yelling or crying again.

i quietly sit back down in my spot and pull the sleeves of my sweatshirt over my palms, trying my best to avoid eye contact with everyone, especially max and will.

"your turn, will." max says, brightly, looking at will through her red hair, which has never made me so angry before.

"actually, ya know what guys? i'm pretty tired. i'm sorry to ruin everyone's fun." will says sheepishly, his voice shaking a little.

there is a loud groan with some "aw man"s and "c'mon will"s mixed in.

however, i stay silent, thanking him tremendously in my mind. i didn't have to kiss anyone, and will only had to kiss one person, i think if it had been more than that, i would've probably left my own house.

"is everyone cool if we just settle down for the evening?" i ask, unfolding my arms, trying to put on a facade, to act as if everything is perfectly fine, as if my heart hasn't been violently ripped out of my chest just now.

"i'm down." lucas chimes in, along with dustin, then will, then el, until max is the only one who hasn't said anything.

"max?" el questions, raising her eyebrows at the red-head.

"i'm not tired, and besides there are so many more games to play." she says with a mischievous smile.

"well, max, it's 5 to 1 here. we can just pick up next time." lucas argues, standing from the circle.

we all take his cue, walking to the couch so we can decide on sleeping arrangements.

"normal arrangements?" dustin asks, taking a seat on the old dusty pull-out couch.

"the old arrangements are so boring, they never account for me and el. they were made pre-girls and i'd like to call bull. i want new arrangements." max testifies, liking arms with el, like it's supposed to be a power move or something.

"new arrangements? but we've had the same spots since i joined the party in 4th grade." dustin frowns.

"well we're 9th graders now, dustin. it's time for a change. right, guys?" max smiles, walking over to the d&d table, taking a pencil in her hand and some notebook paper, the same paper i was planning the next campaign on, but i'm too emotionally drained to say anything.