spin the bottle// byler

viii(you take my breath away)

will's POV

"here it is! i told you i still had it." 

my heart races, "you kept it." 

mike smiles a smile too big for his face and chuckles. i'm sure my cheeks are bright red. 

"of course i did. this is one of the first things you ever gave me. i listened to it every night when you were missing." he places the cassette in the walkman. 

it's the first of many cassettes i ever gave mike, one of my favorite actually.

we were 10 and i had just realized my feelings for him. i spent all night working on it, with some help from jonathan. it wasn't until after it was finished that i realized i had accidentally only chosen love songs. 

when i gave it to him, we were at his house having our weekly sleepover. we were talking about our future and how we never wanted to lose each other. how we would always be best friends. how no one and nothing would ever come between us. then, he told me he wrote something for me, i never knew he wrote poetry. it was called peppermint tea and it was maybe one of my favorite gifts i've ever received. that's when i gave it to him, the cassette. he put it on and we laid together on his bed, listening to the songs and enjoying being with each other. 

it was so simple back then. nobody cared to tease us. nobody tried to break us apart. it was mike and will, never one without the other, it was us. 

"come." mike smiles and pats the spot next to him on his bed. 

i walk to the bed and unlace my shoes, placing them neatly next to mike's, enjoying the ending notes of 'lovin', touchin', squeezin'' by journey. 

"can i ask you something?" mike shifts, sitting up, giving me his full attention, waiting for my question. 

"did you know that max was going to kiss me?" 

he doesn't answer. his eyes are wide and his cheeks are red. the only sound is the second song playing from the cassette, ' you take my breath away' by queen.

i never wanted max to be my first kiss. i never wanted any girl to be my first kiss. as embarrassing as it is, i had always hoped mike would be my first kiss. 

it's something i used to think about before going to sleep. the feeling of his breath on my lips before he leans in and closes the space between us. the butterflies fluttering in my stomach as our eyes close. his hands holding me steady as we explore uncharted territory. 

"i-i didn't know." he looks to his lap, playing with his thumbs. his curls falling into his face.

i don't say anything. i don't know what answer i was expecting from him. of course he didn't know. i guess i just wished that he would've stopped it. 

"and i'm sorry i let it happen. god, you don't know how sorry i am."  he looks up, tears threatening to spill from his brown eyes. 

"god, mikey, don't cry." i whisper, finding myself reaching for his face, trying to calm him. 

i run my thumb against his cheek as a tear rolls down. 

"don't cry." i whisper again as he continues to cry. 

"god, i'm so stupid." he chokes, hiding his hands in the sleeves of his, actually my sweatshirt. 

"you're not stupid. why would you say that?"

"i let her kiss you, will." he reaches up to dry his tears, still hiding his hands.

"you- you weren't even there, mike." i defend. 

he shakes his head, "i should've been there. i shouldn't have left you." 

"why is this making you so upset?"

"because it should've been me, will!" 

"you-you like max?" 

"what? no, of course not."

"i don't-i don't understand."

"his eyes are like peppermint tea. sweet, warm, forgiving. almost sinful, how delicious a sip. deliver me with honey from this vast place, dip me in so i might drown my fears, worries, troubles. give me peppermint tea, until it is all i taste." 

"me?"

i never could have expected this. that this would ever happen, much less happen tonight. does mike like me?

"you. it's always been you, will." 

always? "but, what about eleven?"

"she knew i loved you. from the minute she saw me with you, she told me what i was too afraid to see myself, that i'm in love with you. god, will. i'm in love with you."

"you're in love with me?"

he continues to cry, still holding onto his sweatshirt. he looks up and into my eyes. 

"for years, i denied it. i told myself that the feelings i have for you are the feelings you have towards your best friend. then, i started dating el and i realized i never felt anything like that with her. i felt wrong, guilty, like i was lying. every time she kissed me, i wished it was you."

"i don't know what to say." i say, honestly. 

he looks down, back to his hands, letting the tears fall onto the fabric of his comforter. 

he thinks i don't love him. he thinks i don't feel the same. it's so hard to talk about feelings you've tried so hard to repress.  

"then, kiss me." is all i can manage to say. i don't know where it came from or if it was the right thing to say, but it felt good to say it. 

he looks up at me, again. his lips are slightly parted, his cheeks are wet, his eyes are still shimmering with tears. 

"kiss you?" he asks in a small voice, as if i might take it back.

"kiss me." i reassure and take a deep breath.

queen is still playing in the background. the lights are dim and everything feels perfect, like this is exactly the right thing to do.

_____________________________________________________________________

I just love leaving you with cliffhangers, huh? Next chapter will probably be out tomorrow. 

Here's the link to the cassette if you'd like to give it a listen: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/1ha1hMPuVGPT5rMhW0PZmY?si=G7NoE5WPTKuFEeFiO3hw9Q

Lots of love,

Sava