Connections (F1 story)

Chapter Fifty Three: A New Low

This has been such a difficult chapter to write and of course all of our thoughts are still with Jules as I write this. Message me if you don't feel comfortable with it and I'll change it.

I honestly haven't done it justice but hey, here it is.

I felt numb, more than numb. Lifeless even. It simply didn't seem real what had just unfolded. It had been brutal and, quite frankly, astronomically shit.

I watched from my place as the two Australians walked off towards the stairwells, I couldn't hear anything being said. Then again I had zoned out to what was happening around me, I was too stuck in what had happened minutes beforehand.

I must have stood alone staring for a few moments, but that was until I felt Lizzie's arm around my shoulder- which was trembling like the rest of me. Black makeup smudges were already dropping onto my polo. My breathing was far from steady.

"Saskia, dare I ask what on earth has just happened?" Lizzie's tone was friendly. I could sense Christian looking at the pair of us.

"I want to go upstairs, then I want to cry and possibly for the ground to swallow me up. Are we due an earthquake whilst we're here? Because that would be really handy..."

"How about I'll just run you a bath and then order some food, whilst we sit and chat?"

"I don't want to sit in some lukewarm water and I'm not hungry."

The blonde's eyes grew wide. "You're a state, you are having a bath." She paused as she fully interpreted what I said. "Wait you aren't hungry? Christ on a bike Miss White, I am sitting on the toilet lid whilst you tell me every finer detail of what is happening."

I wiped my eyes and agreed, in the end it was a hell of a lot easier just to say yes. Besides, I was too emotionally drained to refuse. And I wasn't hungry, which was extremely weird for me...

Lizzie held my quivering hand as we tackled the dozens of steps, that only made me more out of breath and by the time we'd reached the top, it was a struggle to breathe at all.

Without saying anything I gave her my key card and she slotted it into the slot. The light flashed green and the door swung open. His stuff was still in the room.

"Right, put the kettle on. I'm putting the plug in." Lizzie commanded, taking charge of the situation. Her voice was loud but it needed to be to get through to me, I was away with the fairies. Why were his pants still scattered on the floor?

I moped around the room attempting to function normally, yet it wasn't working. Tears were still falling.

In the end Lizzie gave up watching the water run and flicked the kettle switch on herself. She cursed about there not being any clean cups before giving in and using last night's. The cleaners hadn't been to our room yet, or if they indeed had, they'd been scared off by the sheer state of the space. The only upside to it at the moment was the heated, talking toilet seat...oh, Japan was extraordinary...

I followed Lizzie back into the bathroom as I sat down on the edge of the bath, both of the taps were still filling the tub which was easily the size of a hot-tub. Two bodies would fit in there no problem, not that it had been tried. Or thought about.

The blonde proceeded to throw me my bikini and she left me alone to change into it. Unfortunately, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the mirror. Fucking hell, I looked beyond shit. My eyes were red and swollen and there was remainders of makeup everywhere. I wasn't even aware that I had put that much mascara on.

I scraped my hair away from my face and studied what I saw in the mirror, I really wasn't anything worth fighting for. Longish brown hair, blue eyes- pretty damn average. Minus my wonky nose and lines on the forehead that seemed to be permantly there these days. I guess thirteen hour shifts, getting up at five and going to sleep at one had caught up with me.