The Very First Hunger Games

Chapter 32

I would like to dedicate this next chapter to my best friend, Michaela. Thanks for taking the time to read every chapter as I wrote it and laughing are the parts that weren't even funny. Your somewhat deadpan enthusiasm somehow made it all worthwhile.

Chapter 32: The End

In the brief moments of lucidity I have, I hear snippets of conversations. My name is normally mentioned. People talk about me in hushed tones. All the doctors and nurses look at me sympathetically or like I'm a wild animal about to pounce. Maybe I am.

The realization that I am still alive but twenty three people aren't sinks in. All I feel is numbness. Is it shock or am I just losing my sense of feeling at all?

A nurse comes in to take blood and she gives me a sad smile. She doesn't look like someone from the Capitol. There is nothing radical about her appearance apart from a purple streak in her dark hair.

"I'm sorry. I really thought they would stop it at some point. Before it was too late".

She comes back a few times, mostly to check up on me and bring me food. I learn her name is Michaela. When she comes she hardly says two words. I guess she's been instructed not to. Then one day she says:

"Not everyone in the Capitol agrees with the games. Some people even refuse to watch them".

I'm not sure why she is telling me this. A few people in the Capitol won't watch the games. So what? That won't stop the Hunger Games.

"I just wanted you to know that we're not all despicable" she continues. "I wish I could say the same about President Snow. Can you believe him and his lackeys were laughing and joking about the games on TV? How would he like it if he were in the games?"

After she left, I never saw Michaela again. Needless to say the price she paid for speaking against the president.

 Sapphire and Indigo visited every day. The day I finally spoke, Sapphire cried. I only asked for water. But me speaking was a sign I was getting better. That was enough to send Sapphire into a blubbering mess.

"I guess a congratulations are in order. You're the winner" Indigo said.

"But I wasn't the only one left. Luca didn't die..."

One shake of the head from Sapphire tells me all I need to know.

"No" I try to say but it comes out as a choked sob.

There is a weight on my chest that won't let me breathe or speak. I open and close my mouth but all that comes out are ugly sobs. Luca is dead. I couldn't save him and now he is gone forever.

Somehow I get better every day and the pain goes away. Well the physical pain and not the kind of pain that makes me want to scream, cry and punch a wall all at the same time. The doctors give me morphling but it doesn't stop the grief nearly burying me at every waking moment. This is not the same as being saddened by a death in the family by someone you hardly knew. This isn't even like going through a traumatic experience.

This is the kind of grief that brings you to your knees and plunges you further into the abyss. Every day I am dragged further into the darkness, getting closer to the point of no return.

I usually keep my thoughts to myself because they upset Sapphire and Indigo tells me to stop being so morbid. Theta doesn't mention Luca's name ever. As if pretending he never existed is going to help. Capitol people just can't handle the truth.

My whole prep visit me until the day I am released. Of course I'm not allowed to just go home. The Capitol want one more interview and then there's my "coronation". My prep team prepared for me for the interview. If by prepare you mean be told not to look so "sad".