worn out.

C For Careless

The wind bites on his hands.

He took off his jacket, stupid, stupid move, really. He tries not to care all that much―it leaves him worn― like the shoes after they were left in the rain way back― or did he put them in the water. He can't remember it well, his head goes blurry and he can't focus.

Focus, Atsu. Blink, once, twice.

(Where was he?)

Right. Redhead, new kid. There's a new kid. It doesn't really matter all that much―he's supposed to sit right next to Atsu, he causes trouble. The teacher― (what was Sensei's name? He can't remember) takes it without hesitation. He never stops smiling that awful cresant-moon smile of his.

He passes the test, or so he says. Akabane-san (that's his name, Akabane Karma he commits the name―or tries to) sits next to him. He's an odd creature, he grins just as wide as Sensei does.

Akabane-san steals Sensei's stuff, his money and his food and his pornography. Atsu doesn't understand it at all. He's trying to kill Sensei, so why isn't he studying Sensei? Atsu is trying, though. På said that he has a very hard time empathizing and sympathizing because he's defective. In a different way than Nacchan.

It aches and spirals and something in him is―

(Once twice.)

Class is over, Sensei says. Atsu packs his bag waits for a few people to leave. Blue-them is walking with.. red-he. What was his name again (Aka―something, for red). The leaves crunch under his shoes, they're an off shade of blue. They're washed put now, and the sides are waterlogged. He doesn't know if he should clean it. Doesn't know if he cares enough to.

"Hey! You!" Aka-something calls out. "Hino-kun!"

Atsu turns, blinks. He tilts his head, owlish. "Yes?"

"So proper, wanna hang out with me and Nagisa?"

He has things to do. Even if he doesn't particularly want to do them. His throat still itches. "Not really."

"Hn.. okay. See you at school tomorrow, Hi-chan."

"It's Hino. Hino Atsu." He says. He wonders if Aka-something forgets too. Nacchan sometimes gets fuzzy, it's harder to remember Kanashi than it is to remember Nacchan. That's what he called her before―

Before.

His mind goes blank. He doesn't remember. What happened. He got his shoes wet, didn't he? It was raining or was that just―

Tugging. Tugging. Aka-something grins in front of him, but Atsu can't even see it that much, he isn't paying too much attention to anything pull the pulling.

"It's Akabane." Aka-something―Akabane-san says. He's for red hair and his eyes are golden yellow. Like sunlight. He's smiling wide, like Sensei who he can't remember the name of. "Akabane Karma."

"Karma!"

Blue-them is running from down the hill. There's this look on their face, one that looks so familiar but Atsu can't place it very well. It's more than bored but not quite― he can't place it.

"Well, aren't you happy to have me back, Nagisa-chan." Akabane-san says.

Happy. Maybe that's it. Did Nacchan ever look like that? He can't remember, but he thinks so. Or maybe she's like him, hollow.

His neck is itchy. He should probably cut his hair. Or maybe get should grow it out. (It'd be easier, maybe it'll keep him from wanting to break all the mirrors, every time he looks be sees her―)

He doesn't really know who she is, though. Just that she's gone.

(What happened that day, he can't remember.)

(Once, twice, three―)

He doesn't listen to their conversation any further. Atsu just does what he does best. Walks away.

_

The way to the train station is loud. School is out and everyone from Konugigouka let's off to the same train station. It's crowded, and there's something awful happening in his mouth― it tastes like bile, and his stomach is squirming.

Maybe he ate something off?

(He doesn't remember eating at all, though. Did he? Get didn't pack lunch, and his teeth still taste like floride.)

Atsu ignores it. It's easy enough.

There are two children on the train, they look exactly the same, down to their clothes―the only difference between them are their haircuts. One of them wanders up to him.

"Hey, mister, have you seen my kaachan?" The longer haired one says.

"She's my kaachan too!" The shorter haired one says.

"No," He says. "I haven't."

He doesn't know who there mother is, or if they're playing hide and seek, or if they're running away. Though, they probably aren't. Atsu can't run away, even if he wants too. He's too young, he has to take care of Nacchan, even if she doesn't really matter. She's going to die. She's going a lot faster than Atsu is. Than mor and på are.

He wonders, bleary, if they'll even try to find him. Then shakes it off. Why would he even need to run away?

There's nothing wrong.

(Why can't he remember―)

"Hikato, Kotaku!" A woman from the other side of the train fumbles. The passengers stare at her in distain, like she's a menace. Atsu thinks about how quiet it was, and agrees with them.

She's far too loud for a place such as this.

"C'mon, we're almost home." She says kindly.

Atsu wonders what that's like. Home.

C is for careless;

I was not always this way,

my dearest

I once flew free,

up in the air

Where we would smile

and laugh,

and all would be fair

The sky was once bright,

with a luminous shine

But the moon then came,

and took what was once mine

My wings were torn

from my heart

I fell to the ground,

and I fell apart

Then I was put

in a golden cage

As if the pretty color

could make up

for what it gave

They took my hope

My hate

and my dreams

They took my precious world

and left me at the seams