I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love (But I Did)

Frank Loves Gerard

It's not that Gerard is an idiot, and Frank knows that. He's just... blind to just about everything. He doesn't see anything that doesn't affect him right then and there, and Frank knows that. It's not that he doesn't appreciate Frank. It's not that he doesn't like Frank. He just doesn't see Frank. That's all. He doesn't see him.

Frank wishes that Gerard saw him, but he doesn't and that's a fact of nature. Maybe someday he will. Frank is a wishful thinker though. Five years and Gerard's never looked twice at him. Five years, and Gerard hasn't looked twice at anyone at all.

Frank's beginning to think that Gerard just isn't into dudes, but he doesn't seem to be into girls either. The only thing he seems to be interested in is his comic book collection.

He loves Gerard. He'd never admit to it, but it's true. He loves Gerard. Not just as a brother or as a friend, or as anything, he loves the guy. He loves Gerard so much that if Gerard asked, he'd marry him today. He'd marry him in a minute. It wouldn't even take him a second to say yes, because he's been in love with his roommate for years.

Frank watches him when he's eating his cereal in the morning, and every single part of him wants to just jump up and kiss him. He watches the way Gerard sticks his tongue out of the corner of his mouth when he's drawing. Frank loves the way he drifts off when they watch movies on Friday, and sometimes if he's very very lucky, then Gerard's head will fall onto his shoulder.

Gerard's blind though. He doesn't see the way Frank looks at him. He wouldn't understand it if he saw the pure, unadulterated love there.

The sad thing is that everyone in the world seems to know about the crush except Gerard. It is literally as obvious as a giant lizard taking over a city. He doesn't have the ability to hide it. Frank's nearly swooned a few times just looking at him, but still Gerard doesn't see it. Maybe he's just not looking. Maybe he doesn't care. Maybe he notices but he's too sweet to crush Frank's dreams.

Gerard has no idea, though Frank can't be sure of that. Gerard just sees Frank as Frank.

Everyone knows though. Gerard's brother even knows Frank's in love with him. Their next door neighbors, two guys named Pete and Patrick, even know. Frank's got quite possibly the worst case of love sickness in the entire world. Gerard wouldn't see love if it wore a flashing light, hit him repeatedly in the face, and then tossed him into a canyon.

It's ruining Frank's life.

"It's just a little crush," Frank tries to tell himself. There's nothing little about it.

"You've got it bad," Pete tells him, every time he sees Frank sighing after Gerard. Frank just nods, and mopes whenever he hears the words.

There's nothing he can really do about it though. It's not like they have antibiotics to keep you from falling in love. There's no cold spray that prevents you from having reoccurring dreams about fucking your roommate. There's no bandage that can make him stop wanting him.

Frank wishes there was some aspirin he could take to make it go away, but he's checked time and time again. He would know, he gets sick far too much. He's coming down with something as it is. Probably just a cold, but it could be anything.

Frank stares down at the Benadryl he's rolling between his fingers. Every time he buys medicine he reminds himself how much he hates the taste of it, but he always ends up buying the liquid anyway. It's cheaper. Frank likes cheap. It makes him want to gag, but still, it's cheaper.

"Are you sick again?" Pete asks him with exasperation.

"When am I not?"

"About four days out of the year," he replies.