I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love (But I Did)

Frank Talks to Patrick

Frank's eyes feel heavy and gross when he wakes up. His eyelids are kind of sticky and unpleasant, so he recalls crying last night. Yesterday was really weird.

Five years of dreaming about something and then it finally happened and he turned it down. He literally turned down what he'd been looking and hoping to have for over 1800 days, including a leap year, and when it finally happened he fucking chickened out. He pulled away because of Aaron. Aaron for god's sake! Why would he be that stupid? Then Gerard was being a brat, and then Frank tried to forget he turned him away in the first place, and then Gerard was being perfect, and Frank became the brat.

Frank pulls himself up into a sitting position in his bed and looks around his room. The blinds never completely cover the window, because they're old and not the right size. They allow the sunlight in and do very little to hide him away in his room. By the degree of light leaking through he'd estimate that it's sometime around noon.

Frank looks around his sheets covering him and he sees that there's a small indent where someone else was. It's not very distinct, but it's there enough for Frank to notice it. So Gerard's not here then.

A lot of last night's kind of fuzzy, because Frank was doing a lot of crying, and he was just basically petrified for most of it. There was a point sometime around two in the morning where he woke up for a few minutes and saw Gerard sleeping there. It didn't really sink in what he was seeing, but he remembers it now. Frank doesn't know if Gerard was there all night and left when he woke up, or if he went away sometime in the middle. He also doesn't know which of those possibilities he prefers.

Frank's body collapses over the spot Gerard was last night, and he groans. It smells like his stupidly flowery shampoo, and Frank hates that. He loves it mostly, but he hates that he loves it. It makes him sad, because Gerard's not there anymore.

Being early in the morning makes his brain so much more vulnerable to Gerard's charm. He doesn't know how long Gerard will give him to make his decision before he moves on. Frank doesn't want to prolong it for a long time though. He wants to either shatter the idea of him and Gerard together, or just fucking get together already.

He doesn't know which would be better in the long run. That's the biggest problem. The immediate reaction to which he should choose is that Gerard will definitely make him happier at first. That's not a question. He definitely will mean more for a while, but what happens after that? What happens after the null of the honeymoon phase? In the end, Aaron is the responsible choice. He's got the manners, the charm, the elegance, the money, and he doesn't need to take years to figure out his feelings for Frank.

"I'm motherfucking Bridget Jones," Frank mumbles to himself. Except in that movie Hugh Grant was a dick, so it was kind of obvious which one to choose. Frank's choosing between two people one of whom is perfect, and the other is also perfect, but has a tendency to talk too much about comic books.

Frank sighs and pulls himself out of bed. He doesn't really want to, but if he stays there any longer then he won't get up all day.

His body is still fuzzy and craves the warmth of the blankets he's leaving behind, but he perseveres. Frank decides that he is not in the mood to wear real clothes and instead is going to wear pajamas all day. It's a pajama kind of day. It's also a binge drink on coffee kind of day.

Frank's door creaks open as he walks out and looks around carefully Gerard. He doesn't see Gerard, but instead someone much shorter.

"Where's Gerard?" Frank asks Patrick.

"He and Pete went out for lunch," Patrick says.

"And why aren't you with them?" Frank asks.

"Gerard wasn't in a good state. He kind of told us what happened," Patrick says.