I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love (But I Did)

Frank and Gerard Are All Gross and Coupley

"You understand how much I'm risking by just speaking to you two?" the woman asks, with her pursed lips in a frown across her heavily botoxed face.

"Evidently a lot because you just said you were risking anything at all," Frank states.

"I could lose my job for this," she says.

"Well it's too late for me to lose my job. You know, because Aaron Crépeau is a piece of shit and got me fired than proceeded to make it impossible for me to ever be hired in a job again."

"So you say," the interviewer replies and Frank may not like her as a person, but he's still really hoping she's not actually horrible like she's coming off to be.

"Why would I lie about that?" Frank replies, "Do you realize how little I would gain by tearing down this man? If I hadn't been in a relationship with the guy, why on earth would I care about him? I was a waiter at the oldest, dingiest diner in town, do you really think I even knew who he was? The only magazines, or news articles I read have pictures of puppies on the covers. I literally would never have crossed paths with him if I hadn't dated him. So, no, I'm not lying. I may be biased because I have a great desire to tear his lungs out of his body, but I'm not dishonest."

Gerard smiles at Frank when he goes on his minor rant, because there's something attractive about the tone of his voice. Now granted, there's something attractive about the tone of his voice, no matter what tone it is, but Gerard really likes this one especially.

The interviewer clears her throat, "Alright, so aside from the blackballing is there anything else to be noted, before I get more details?"

"Uh yeah, there was the bowl he threw at my face," Frank says.

"And the part where he tried to isolate Frank from all of his friends, including me, his roommate," Gerard says.

"And the time where he threatened Gerard," Frank says.

"And there's the fact that Aaron got him fired in the first fucking place," Gerard concludes.

"Yeah, that kind of sums it up," Frank says, "oh, and I can't forget about all the times he guilt tripped me. Like there was that time where he tried to get in my pants and, granted, he took no for an answer, but he pouted about it for days. He treated me like shit for rejecting him."

"You never told me that," Gerard frowns.

"Well I didn't want you to do something stupid."

"I'd have probably done something stupid. Good call."

"Yeah," Frank says, "well so Aaron was just always telling me what to do, taking me places I didn't really want to go, because apparently I would enjoy a five star restaurant more than three dollar tacos. By the way, I don't know if you've ever been to a restaurant where the wine costs more than three years' salary, but the food is not as fantastic as they'd like to make you think. Literally my food tasted like seawater with a hint of balsamic vinegar, and let's just put it this way, balsamic vinegar is the work of Satan."

"Colorful description," the interviewer responds, jotting something down.

"Yeah, he just didn't listen to me. God, he always had to be right. I never even noticed it until it was like, behind me, but they say hindsight is 20/20 for a reason. No, but seriously, like whatever the fuck I tried to say, he was right. Always him. God, I couldn't get a word in edgewise," Frank continues.

"That just means he's a lunatic because you're the most interesting person to listen to that I know," Gerard says, and Frank blushes than hits him in the arm.

"So what's the nature of your relationship? You two?" the interviewer asks and Frank raises an eyebrow because, this woman is either a blind idiot, or... no, well a blind idiot. Pete describes Gerard and Frank as 'so disgustingly coupley that I'm going to have to push you two off a ten story building just to rid myself of all the cooties swarming off of you.'