I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love (But I Did)

Frank is Not a Morning Person

"Oh I don't like this line," Frank says, making a disgruntled face.

"Well it was put there courteously, but I kind of agree with you. I think that's somewhat oversharing, but it could've been worse. It could have been way more impolite," Gerard says, reading over Frank's shoulder.

"What line are you two talking about?" Pete asks, looking down at his own copy of the newspaper and trying to figure out what they're looking at.

Frank clears his throat and recites, "'the unnamed ex denies allegations of infidelity on his part, saying that the advances were sudden and unreciprocated.'"

"Oh, they're talking about Gerard coming onto you?" Pete asks, reading over the line for himself. "I guess, you've got to give the journalist credit. She didn't accuse you of anything on the paper."

"Well she did when she asked me about it," Frank replies.

"But she didn't relay that to the page, did she? It's left rather openly, and I guess it's a matter of interpretation. You did sort of cheat on Aaron, but you didn't like actually cheat on him."

"Did you just say that I didn't cheat on him, but I did?"

"You know what I mean," Pete replies.

"He's, ugh, it's my fault if anything," Gerard says.

"It's your fault that I got called a cheater?"

"Well," Gerard sighs, "I did sort of jump you. That wasn't an alright thing for me to do. I should've asked you first, but there's nothing romantic about sitting a guy down and telling him you want to get in his pants. That's just weird. I mean, that's just a brief list of things I want, or wanted at the time, because I'm just fucking mad for you, but really, I shouldn't have just kissed you like that."

"Yeah," Pete says, "you should've written down on a piece of paper 'I like you, do you like me, check yes or no.' That would have gotten Frank to fall in love with you."

"I think you're forgetting the part where I was in love with him for like five years already. Though now that you say it, I might have fallen out of love if I'd been given such a childish a break."

"Hey!" Gerard says.

"What?"

"Well I know Pete said it and he's goofing around, but seriously, you'd fall out of love with me for me clarifying with checkmarks... actually, you know what, I wouldn't blame you. That has got to be the lamest way to get with someone."

"So what about the rest of the article," Pete says, steering them back onto topic.

"What?" Frank asks, having forgotten what was going on momentarily, "oh, right. Yeah. Uh, I think it's pretty good, other than the part where she implied that I'm a cheating dirtbag."

"She said no such thing!" Gerard says.

"But it's my reputation being shat on."

"Uh," Pete says, "you are the 'unnamed ex.' There's no intelligible link between you and the person she wrote about. Dude, the author could be referring to Hulk Hogan for all anyone knows."

"Yeah," Gerard nods, "or Paul Rudd."

Pete nods, "maybe even Lord Voldemort."

"Lord Voldemort is a fictional character," Frank says, making an unimpressed face.

"Right, and do you really think Aaron dated Paul Rudd?"

"Touché."

"Well the rest of this article seems pretty formal and expositive. She talks about how Aaron's done this before, and how his behavior is borderline abusive," Pete says, "I think if we can get the story to spread, we can take the son of a bitch down."