I Didn't Mean to Fall in Love (But I Did)

Frank is Breaking Gerard's Heart

"How long has this been going on?" Patrick asks.

"I think five years?" Gerard says.

Patrick's eyes literally get so wide that there's a serious danger of them falling out of his head.

"Five years?" Are you sure you didn't mean to say days? Or hours? Maybe minutes?"

"No, it's been about five years," Gerard nods.

"How did we not notice that?" Pete exclaims. He's stood up, and has made his way to stand beside on the couch to look down at Gerard who looks thoroughly dolorous.

"I'm having a really bad day," Gerard mumbles.

"Okay, so you need to explain what's going on, because Frank's been-" Pete tries to say 'in love with you for that long too,' but Patrick kicks him in the shin. After a mewling sound and an attempt to give Patrick an angry look, Pete just sighs and lays his arms on the back of the couch, and puts his head in the center of them.

"Frank's what?" Gerard inquires.

"Pete just meant that you've known Frank for five years. If you've been in love with the guy all this time, how come you never... never said anything? Never told him, or Pete, or anything. What's up?" Patrick says, "I mean Gerard, I've known you for three years, and you've never shown the slightest interest in Frank before."

"Well it's just that I didn't know I was in love until yesterday. I just thought he was like my best friend. My really really close best friend. I thought it was just that, because I didn't know it was anything else. I mean, I'm content if we stay where we were a month ago. That would be okay, if it's just us watching Batman too much, and horror films on Friday's, I'm okay with that. I don't need the rest and the works, I just want... I don't know, I want him to not be with someone."

"So you're saying that you don't even care what kind of relationship it is as long as it's with Frank," Pete summarizes.

"Basically. I just really want to be with Frank. I don't care how. I mean, I thought that that was all I wanted for forever. I thought I just wanted to have a best friend who I play video games with and throw noodles at when we're cooking, I thought that's what I wanted. It never really occurred to me that a relationship entails those things too. I don't want him to be with anyone else. I don't want Frank to throw noodles at someone else, I just want him to be with me," Gerard says.

"But why now?" Patrick says sounding disparaging, "why do you have to be in love with him now? He's with Aaron!"

"I didn't know I wanted him!" Gerard repeats, and he's getting really tired of having to say this, "I thought he was my best friend. I thought was it, and that's all it ever was. I never knew he was the person who I wanted to wake up to every morning. I thought that he was just Frank. And then I picture my life without him and I don't want to live that life. I don't want to suffer that torture. I picture Frank waking up next to someone else and it kills me. It feels like someone is pulling my heart out. I can't live in a world where Frank is happier off with someone else than he is with me. I want to be the one to make him happy. Happier than anyone can ever possibly make him."

"But you realize that you can't have him right now," Patrick says, "because you missed your shot.

"But that doesn't mean I don't want him. It's all been coming at me like a cannon over the last few hours. It's like five years of lusting over Frank is hitting me all at once in full force. It fucking hurts! Loving him hurts. I don't get it. I thought that love was supposed to be this warm, pacifying thing, but it's not! It's not. It was always supposed to be. You watch enough movies and you just see so many different portrayals of people in love, and it never occurred to me that that wasn't what it was. It's the most fucking painful thing in the world, so why do we all chase after this dumb thing? Why do we chase after something that stupid? I love him, I love Frank, and it's ruining my life."