Bruised, Battered, and In Tears [ A Benson Fan Fic]

Three

Olivia's body continued to heal, but her mind was different. It was filled with dark thoughts and images of her husband's lifeless body lying in the bathroom. She didn't realize that she had actually seen his dead body until about a week after the shooting.

"Honey?" Elliot questioned when he noticed his friend stiffen up and stare ahead with glassy eyes.

"Yes?" Olivia whispered as she slowly turned and looked at Elliot.

"Where did you go?" He questioned.

"Back to when I pulled that trigger and killed my husband. I took the life of my kids' father... they will never get to see him again. And it's all my fault." Olivia breathed as she fought off tears. It was so hard for her not to cry. She had made herself dehydrated almost every day from the number of tears that she shed.

"Olivia-"

"I want to go to jail... I want to be able to pay for what I did... let Christopher's mother take the girls. They will be better with her compared to me. I'm a mess." Olivia sniffled.

"No one is good with Bonnie. No one. So I think that the girls will be better with you. Only you. You are their mother and the most amazing person in this world." Elliot spoke. Olivia looked at him quietly before brushing a few tears from her cheeks.

"I'm the most amazing person in the world?" Olivia asked nervously.

"Yeah, you are. And never forget that."

"Do you think that I'll ever get better?" Olivia sniffled.

"Eventually. It will take a bit, but still." Elliot spoke. He leaned close and kissed Olivia's forehead before helping her lay back down. He covered her up before leaving her room quietly.

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Olivia was released into Elliot's care a few days later, but no one knew if that really should have happened. Elliot was thinking that maybe Olivia would be better off in a hospital to make sure that she got the help she needed. But Olivia didn't want to be in a place where everyone thought she was crazy. 

"How are the girls?" Olivia asked, as she nervously played with the strings on her sweatpants. They weren't hers, but actually Elliot's. Olivia's house was a crime scene still and no one could get in there to get things for her or the girls.

"They are good. They have missed you a lot since this all happened." Elliot spoke, as he parked in his driveway.

"Thanks for letting us stay... we won't be here long. I'm hoping to be home soon... or as soon as possible." Olivia spoke quietly.

"You don't have to leave until you are feeling confident about raising the girls alone. About being in the house again."

"I'm never going back there. Never!" Olivia sobbed. Just bringing up that house triggered her horribly. She started to sob loudly as she went to scramble from the car, but Elliot stopped her. He gently placed his hand to her lower back before turning her to look at him.

"Olivia, don't worry. You don't have to go back there. I'll find you a place for you and the girls. A safe place. A place where you don't see flashbacks about what happened." Elliot spoke, as he moved his hand to the back of Olivia's neck and pulled her close. He rested his forehead against hers as she cried.

Their breaths mingled as Olivia tried to calm herself down. It was hard because she was so broken and felt like she was dying. 

"Breath, baby. I have you. You are safe with me. You always will be." Elliot cooed gently before Olivia finally met his eyes. They were locked for a long moment as a deep connection was felt between them. They had always been close, just not this close.

"You always protect me..." Olivia whispered.

"It's because you are my person," Elliot replied. Olivia was shaking, but in the heat of the moment, she moved her lips to Elliot's and gave him a shaky kiss. They were both shocked, but Elliot went in for the next kiss and many more after that.

But eventually, they had to stop. Not only because Elliot was married, but because Olivia's husband just died.

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Olivia stayed in the rec room in the basement. She kept her distance from Elliot because she felt horrible for kissing him. She felt like she betrayed Kathy, Christopher, and all of the kids. 

"Hey, so how are you doing?" Kathy asked as she came downstairs to bring Olivia dinner and some more clothes.

"I'm okay..." Olivia breathed, as she avoided Kathy's eyes.

"Yeah?" Kathy questioned, as she set the tray down on the small coffee table in front of the pullout couch.

"Kathy, thank you for letting me and my girls stay here." Olivia breathed.

"You are apart of our family, and we absolutely love you and those girls. Michaela and Julia bring us so much happiness especially after what happened."

"Kathy, I think that I'm going to be like this forever. It scares me." Olivia breathed.

"You won't be like this forever. What happened doesn't define you or who you are. You aren't the victim. You are a fighter. A survivor. Do you get that? Because you have said that a million times to victims. You have told them that they can move on and make a life without constantly thinking about what happened." Kathy spoke, as she sank down onto the edge of the couch and gently touched Olivia's arm.

"But what about my girls? Are they going to be seen only as the girls that have a mom who killed their father?" Olivia sniffled.

"No. Olivia. Never. They are amazing girls and will define who they are all by themselves. Not from what Chris did or say. But they will truly get their strength from you. They will use that." Kathy spoke. Olivia nodded slowly as she leaned back and thought quietly.

"Can I borrow a car tomorrow?" Olivia whispered as she stood slowly before grabbing the cup of tea from the tray.

"Depends on where you are going and if you are coming back," Kathy spoke.

"I'll come back... I just need to decide where I'm going... either to my house or to see where my husband is buried."

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