Seer《Book 1: Season 5-6 》

Barriers

For the first time in way too long, I was back at Bobby's. At first he was angry with me. Cursed me out for not calling, not stopping by...the usual parental guilt trip. But the old man was so happy to have me back home he got over it pretty quick.
He asked me about how my powers had changed since losing the eye, and of course about Castiel.
I explained to him that everything seemed good between us, but that he was behaving strangely in only a way I could see. That he was hiding something. Bobby shrugged it off. Calling it just another angel thing. They were all full of secrets.

I explained how I couldn't have visions, although sometimes I still had  vague and useless premonitions in my dreams. It was almost as if my power as a Seer was independently trying to function without the eye, but coming up short. Seeing random, unimportant things instead of something big that seemed just beyond my reach.
Bobby was concerned at first, that I might be missing out on something important, especially since his suspicions of weird monster activity were increasing by the day. But in the end he agreed with me. That I didnt ask to be a Seer and have the pain and burden that came with it. That it was my choice and he didnt blame me.

After a few days, Dean came to me with an insane plan for getting Sam's soul out of the cage. He was going to let himself be temporarily dead so he could try contacting Death. In theory, it was a good plan, because Death was surely the only thing that could get in and out of the cage effortlessly. Not to mention a proverbial grudge he had against Lucifer.
Even so, it was insane.

"This may be the stupidest, smartest idea you've ever had," I told Dean. We were hanging around the porch with an early afternoon beer in our hands. While Sam was inside with Bobby, aware that we had a plan but not informed on the details.  He'd been acting relatively normal,  complacent even, but didnt say much to any of us.

"I think it's our only chance, Haze," he said.

"And why cant I do it again?"

"Because I think Cas would kill me."

I chuckled. "Yeah maybe."

He looked at me softly, which he didnt do often because well...its Dean. He wasnt soft. It got to the point that he made uncomfortable.

"What?" I asked with an embarrassed smile.

"Nothing its just...I'm still kinda amazed by that." He shook his head.

"By what?"

"You and Cas," he said , filled with tender pride. "He really cares about you, I didnt think he had that in him."

For the first time, we were actually having this conversation. Dean never asked me about my relationship with the angel after finding out on the doomsday we'd shut down. I wondered how he felt about it.

I shrugged. "Sometimes I wonder if we're doing something wrong."

"Whatdya mean?"

I sighed. "He told me it was forbidden,   and of course, none of us care what the angels think. But I cant help thinking maybe there's a good reason. Maybe we're crossing a line, breaking a barrier that's never supposed to be broken."

He moved in front of me, sincerity all over him inside and out. "I'm not a expert, believe me. But...love is never wrong, Hazey."

I didn't know what to say. We'd never had a heart to heart quite like this.
"You're saying you're ok with it?"

"Cas loves you," he stated after a pause, "You love him, right?"

I nodded. "So much..."

"Ok...well love is complicated. Messy. For everyone. " he threw up his hands dramatically,
"There's no such thing as barriers or rules. It's all...chaotic and unfair. But its also...its sometimes the only thing you have left to hang on to. You can't doubt yourself. Me and Lisa? It was never going to work. Two different worlds. But you and Cas...you've been in the same world since you were born. "