Seer《Book 1: Season 5-6 》

When the Levee Breaks

I didn't wake till late in the day, having been up since nearly dawn with the now absent angel. I got the feeling he stayed with me for a long time while I slept, with no idea when exactly he left.

The first thing I noticed, before I could even let the grief take hold of me was that I had both my eyes again. My eye patch had been taken from my face and tossed on the floor.
Well rested and at full power, everything in the environment felt strong. Overwhelming. It took me awhile to suppress it and relax myself, and which point the sorrow finally set in. I'd never felt so alone, even after what could have been the best night of my life under different circumstances.

But the feeling was deeper than tears, my eyes incapable of producing another drop. A surreal sense that I didn't exist outside the emptiness. Weightless and heavy at the same time. I stared at the ceiling blankly, for at least an hour, naked and unable to form a thought.
It wasnt until a chill set in, reminding my body with goosebumps that I was still alive, that I rolled out of the sheets and found a simple dark green dress that once belonged to my mother. I pulled it over myself, and dragged my feet to the door.

The stairs felt like an eternity and I dreamily followed my senses to my brothers in the living room.

Sam had come around the corner just in time to meet me at the last step, shocked.
"Oh my god..." he gasped and drew me into a tight hug. His relief told me they thought I was dead.
I halfheartedly squeezed him back out of habit.
"What the hell happened? Where were you?" he stammered, pulling away to grasp my shoulders and look me over for injuries.

Dean, followed by Bobby had crept into view, the same shaking expressions of appeasement on their faces like I'd come back to life all over again.
The older brother practically jerked me away from Sam, holding me even closer with one hand pressing the back of my head to bury me into his chest.
"Jesus Christ Hazey...we thought..."
He let me go enough to look me over the same way Sam had.
"Are you alright?"

"No," was my emotionless response.

"What happened?" Bobby pressed more urgently, "we got to the car and you weren't with us and...the place was overrun. "

I blinked slowly at the floor, finding the answer to feel unfamiliar, as if it happened to someone else.
"I was with Cas. He brought me home."

"Why didn't you come with us?" Sam asked.

"We had to talk...and now it's done." I answered, stepping away aimlessly, my bare feet carrying me to the armchair.

All three of them cast their condolences my way without a word. Staring at me like a wounded animal.

Bobby passed a hand over my shoulder as he walked past me, returning shortly after with a glass full of scotch that he had to press into my barely responsive fingers.

I stared it for a moment, before a flicker of longing crossed my mind, like I was staring at an old friend. I brought to my lips and didnt wince at the burn at all.

"Hey um, we're gonna keep trying to crack this Purgatory thing before they do..." Sam said delicately, "So if you wanna help..."

I ignored him.

"We think H.P Lovecraft opened it up once before, so we got a lead. " Bobby added, as if it would get a rise out of me.

"I don't care," I said dispassionately.

That shocked them all to the core, but they empathized that now was not the time to ask anything of me and didnt push me any further.

I continued to drink slowly, the growing buzz doing nothing but numbing me even further.
I hardly was aware when Dean received a distress call from Ben. They were frantic, arguing about how to handle it. I was longer a concern and I was clearly going to be no help, so my brothers left in hurry on a desperate mission to rescue Lisa and Ben.