23 | death before dishonour

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THE FIRST TIME Lorenzo woke up the next day after dropping off his friends at the airport, his eyes were still heavy with sleep and when he noticed the time on the clock - five in the freaking morning - he groaned and fell back asleep in seconds, ...

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THE FIRST TIME Lorenzo woke up the next day after dropping off his friends at the airport, his eyes were still heavy with sleep and when he noticed the time on the clock - five in the freaking morning - he groaned and fell back asleep in seconds, his arms still wrapped around Gia who didn't even notice him shifting in the bed.

The second time he woke up, he still felt tired but his eyes opened easily and the clock said that it was one hour in the afternoon. The horror of sleeping so many hours had him sitting up in seconds and with a glance around the room, he ran to the bathroom to get ready for the day - or at least, what was left of it.

After making the bed, he moved the kitchen to make something small to eat knowing that if he ate too much, Gia would kick his butt for eating lunch without him. And just as his thoughts drifted to his girlfriend, he felt like crying.

His heart felt heavy inside his chest and his stomach hardly digested the cereal he had eaten before he was dashing for the bathroom and emptying everything there. Tears pricked his eyes as he sat there for a few to catch his breath.

He couldn't believe what he would have to do. It was supposed to happen that day but he hadn't bought his ticket yet, he hadn't contacted his brother that he would be coming home soon, he had done nothing. Absolutely nothing. And that was mostly because the thought of leaving Gia behind was heart-breaking.

He felt his throat clog again and he turned his head towards the toilet seat again, emptying what was left of his small breakfast in there. After that, he wasted no time on the bathroom floor again. Gia would be coming back soon and he didn't want her to find him like that. He hated being so weak in front of others but sometimes he felt like he deserved a human moment to himself.

His father wouldn't approve of this, his son - more like his soldier - being weak and disobeying his orders but Lorenzo had already so much more to actually care. His father could go to hell for all he cared.

Lorenzo stopped for a minute to think.

Was he really going to do this? Leaving Gia was insufferable but staying here was out of the question so the only thing left to do would be taking her with him to Italy. But after thinking about it for a few, he knew she wouldn't want to be with him if she knew what his job was all about.

Gia was all for saving people, heck she was a paramedic, and his job was everything but. He was actually one of the people that put others in the hospital. What if she got a job there and saved a man he hurt? What if she found out that he was the one that beat him up? She would leave him, there was no question in that.

He let a choked sob move past his lips as he fell down on the ground next to the bathroom door. Screw his father, screw the mafia, screw not being weak. He would be whatever the hell he wanted to be, even if it meant endangering himself.

But never Gia, he would never hurt her or let her get hurt because of him.

It was easy thinking about all of this. Because right then, he was so sure he would leave her, he would say goodbye to her the moment she got home and he would break up with her without actually giving a specific reason as to why he was doing so. But he also knew that the moment she would enter the apartment with that exhausted smile on her face that he would be screwed.

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