Hustle Vs Muscle

Chapter 33: Thank You, Coach Roxanne

Coach Roxanne sits down next to me when she sees me sitting alone at a table during lunch while she's supervising lunch. I've been spending less time with my friends at lunch. I haven't really felt like having a conversation. I hate feeling so alone, yet I want to be alone. What other way can I describe it?

"How come you're sitting alone, Christina?" asks Coach Roxanne. "Just thinking..." I say. "Are you okay?" she asks. "Yeah, I'm fine." I say. And for the first time it occurs to me. What I liked about Coach Roxanne is that she knows how to put someone in their place but she also knows how to be caring and kind. She cares about our mental and physical health. I can tell her. I can tell her what's been going on.

But no. D'amato will find me. He will come after me, for sure. And I don't know if Coach Roxanne will be like the school and shrug it off. I don't know. "You look worried." says Coach Roxanne. "I'm just tired." I say. "Is something on your mind?" says Coach Roxanne. "Coach Ricky and I can help. We're coaches. It's our job to make sure our athletes are alright."

I should take it. I should take her help. But instead, I smile and say, "No, there isn't." "Alright then." she says, and leaves.

I wish I'd said yes.

I can handle D'amato's taunts about my height. I can handle him being rough on me in basketball. I can handle that. What I can't handle is what he did to me the last three times we met. I feel trapped. At night, I don't sleep well, feeling scared with every passing hour, staying up until I fall asleep, at around two in the morning.

On one of those nights, I binge-watch YouTube until my head hurts and I feel faint. I fall asleep, the phone still in my hand. But I wake up just as tired. Twice I consider telling my mom and twice I decide not to. I come to practice, not excited or pumped up, but dejected and dreading it. I don't want to deal with this. And I don't think I can. I've considered talking to Coach Roxanne or Ricky but I don't.

Coach Roxanne finds out by accident. I am in the girls bathroom, washing my hands when I look up at the mirror and I see who is behind me. D'amato. Before I can run away, he grabs my arm and slams me against the wall so hard it hurts. "What the heck are you doing in the girls' restroom?" I yell at him. "Relax, just calm down." says D'amato. "You seem useful. I can think of twenty ways I can use you." His hand squeezes me and I am paralyzed by fear. I struggle to breathe.

I yell out, but D'amato jams his hand into my throat, which cuts off my voice. D'amato slides his hand down my back. But we must have a made quite a commotion because Coach Roxanne walks inside the girls bathroom. "HEY!" she yells out loud. She grabs D'amato's arm and pulls him off of me. "What is going on here?"

I tell her everything. The words pour out of my mouth like a waterfall. I can't take the truth back. Once I am finished, Coach Roxanne pauses. "Liam D'amato." she says. "You are suspended from the team for two weeks!" D'amato protests. "Want me to make it three weeks?" Coach Roxanne. D'amato realizes it's no use and walks away.

"The school may not have done anything." Coach Roxanne says to me. "But I'll make sure he won't do it again." I don't know why, but I start crying like a baby. Coach Roxanne gives me a hug as I cry into her shoulder. "Thank you." I say. "Thank you, Coach Roxanne." 

I don't report what happened to the police. The most he did was nonconsensual touching, but he hadn't taken my v-card, so I didn't think it counted as assault. Instead of filing the report under assault, I filed it under harrassment. 

I don't care what happens to him. As long as he doesn't do it again.