Swords and Staffs

19. Ominous hallucination

Arlene:

Then the worst happened. He woke up. His eyelids lifted to reveal his luminous pink eyes, overcome with worry.

"Muriel..." he whispered softly, reaching his hand out and running his fingers through my hair. He bent his head forward and drew his face closer towards mine.

"Dante...." I protested, frozen in place, neglecting to move, "Dante stop!" I yelled finally pulling from his grasp and leaping towards the door.

He stared at me wide-eyed as I edged the drawers away from the door, gripped the doorknob, opened the door, and fled back to my room.

I slammed the door shut. What had just happened? Why had I decided to go into a random person's room in the middle of the night? And for what? For a glass of wine and another traumatic episode to add to my list of bad memories! And who was Muriel? Why did he keep calling me Muriel and why was he having some kind of ominous hallucination? I was confused, but mostly alarmed at the sudden event. But then I realised. No barking. Where's Blue?

"Blue!!" I yelled, panicking.

"Where are you, boy?"

I started shuffling around the living area, looking amongst the pillows of the sofa, around the counters and under the table of the kitchen, where he would usually like to hide. I basically turned my whole bed upside down whilst completely destroying the interior of my drawers and cabinets.

"Blue!" I yelled again my eyes watering and my hands and forehead beginning to sweat. Then I thought. The balcony.

My fingers trembled as I began to reach for the handle of the balcony. I had finally grasped the handle when I heard a small yelp in the corner of the room.

I spun around immediately.

"Oh, my goodness!!" I screamed as I leaped forwards and held him in my arms.

"Found you!" I yelled in relief, my voice wobbly and my eyes blurred with tears. Luckily, he was ok.

"I can't lose anyone else..." I whispered to myself, curling up in the corner and snaking him in my arms. Blue looked at me, brown eyes wide and full of love and compassion. He nestled himself into my lap. He must have been scared and hid when I slammed the door so hard. Bless his heart. I hoped that things would work out with that crazy elven man, after all, he was my only shot at having an actual, real life, person as a friend.

Dante:

I lay on the floorboards in astonishment. What an idiot! The first person I had spoken to in years and I messed everything up! I must overcome this condition before it gets out of hand. I couldn't remember what happened which usually indicates that I had blacked out and had another flashback from the times of the war. I picked up a small notebook, lying next to my backpack and began to write.

Journal:

I am glad to be finally putting this notebook to use, for I have never written anything down like this before. This is the first, fresh new page and it feels good to do something productive.

Today I met someone. She seemed nice. She claims to be called Arlene Mccloud. I have never heard of the name 'Arlene' before. It seemed strange to finally be talking to someone after 'hiding out' in the inn for a long period of time.

She reminded me so much of my loved one, Muriel. How she was shy, polite, beautiful for that matter. Muriel always seemed shy until she opened her mouth. She was polite, yes, but never let that stop her from having her own opinion and standing up for what was right and her beliefs. She was a strong and independent woman who nobody would dare to judge, not even me. I would admit that I underestimated her sometimes, protecting her at every cost. However, she always seemed to surprise me with her bravery and her strength. She was stronger than I ever was. And she would have still been now. If she were still with us that is.

I am not sure as to why I need to explain my life story on a piece of paper, but it is what people are supposed to do, correct? When they are angry or upset, they write their feelings and life events in a diary? No, diary sounds too sad, too common. I know what I will call it. I will call it a journal! My own journal! Writing my sudden strange thoughts are not going to do much, however. Best to write about something else.

When I had my first signs of flashbacks and hallucinations, I went to see a mage who specialised in medicinal herbs and spells. They identified that I had suffered from a slightly exaggerated Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (or in other words PTSD) for weeks and it would only get worse. That it did. The disorder frequently haunts my dreams, every night I fall asleep it prevents me from sleeping properly. It still continues. And it's always the same dream that it brings to my unconscious mind. The same repetitive dream every night. Sometimes I close my eyes for one second and the same scene replays over and over again in my head, torment after torment, death after death, flash after flash. My mind creates and explores that same battlefield scene.

The trenches built into the midlands, the torched grass of the fields and gardens and meadows, all the wildlife and the beauties of nature destroyed, families separated by the border never to see each other again, the dead bodies of loved ones, family members, friends, piled up so high that the people in Everton (across the border of Mournstead) could count each and every single one from the other side of the region.

Then it maliciously focuses on a specific moment. A certain scene. A moment in my life of which everything ended. After all, she was my everything. I told Muriel to stay in the house. To stay away from all the dangers and let me handle it. She was always so stubborn, willing to help at all costs even though it was a great danger to her.

She was determined to help the soldiers as much as she could, and she did. Muriel did the alchemy and brewed the healing remedies for a while, treating those who were injured. Until it was my turn to go out there. Out of the trench, exposed to any perilous magic and fire arrows that they were being shot at us from a far. During her time as the army's alchemist, she had seen the outcomes of entering the forsaken land and was fearful for my life. And I was too but I knew that I had to do what was right and serve justice to my people. However, Muriel didn't agree with that.

She was scared, she had to think quickly before something were to happen to me. As soon as one of the enemies came pouncing up to me, I lunged to the side and aimed at him with the string of my bow. However, I had missed my one chance of hope and tripped into a ditch snapping my weapon in half like a twig. I was helpless, doomed to die, until Muriel came running towards me.

I should have warned her to back away. I shouldn't have been such a coward and let her come to my rescue. I should have pushed her away and let him stab me with his dagger. I could have given her the long and happy life that she needed, for it was better me then her. But no.

Muriel sacrificed herself, pushing me out of the way and taking the dagger to the stomach, bled out until her life was no more. After the man retrieved his weapon and left, I rushed towards her praying to Aaldin that she was going to survive. However, she had lost too much blood and was dying quickly. I watched her face turn pale as she weakened in my grasp. She held my hand, smiled at me, and said her last three words before she died in my arms. "Find your purpose..."

Goodness, this journaling really does take a toll on your emotions. It must be working.

Those last words are engraved in my mind, everlasting in my head. And since I now visit that moment every night, it has never had more meaning to it like ever before. Maybe this girl, Arlene could help me find what I have been looking for. My purpose. Of course, I'm not really sure what she was talking about. I had to apparently find my purpose. However, I couldn't think of any other purpose than Muriel, my beautiful wife. Arlene must be a mage. She has a staff and beholds one of the great symbols of the Goddess of magic and sorcery, and that mark may only be held by the ones who practice it. She can help me. She can help me find my purpose. My love. She can help me revive Muriel from her eternal slumber.