Move //Zerrie

Chapter Ten//Goodbye

             "You were my favorite hello and hardest goodbye."

           Summer rain descended from the dingy clouds as Zayn sat in his art room sketching out an image of him and Perrie. It was a slow day, Selena was happily in New York while Zayn was left to be alone and ponder about what he had and lost. She was his everything, and he knew the reason they weren't standing on the alter was his fault. The truth was, he just wasn't ready. It scared him—marriage scared him, life scared him. Time was moving so quickly and he just wasn't ready. Part of him was still attached to home, where his family were, where his memories were, where everything was. 

            He didn't want Perrie to know, he thought she'd pick up her bags and leave him for not loving her. He did love her, and she was home to him,—but what about the others? What about the other things that made him feel like home? He couldn't just destroy them as if they were nothing. Perrie wouldn't understand—not that it was something complicated or anything but, the day he proposed, he made so many promises he couldn't keep and look at him now; lost, heart broken, depressed.

                 Zayn couldn't handle the fact that Perrie was going to leave, he just couldn't imagine it, and he didn't want to live it. So instead he left her, he left her to avoid seeing her face—seeing her leave would destroy him in the most deadliest way, and at the end, he'd be stripped into nothing.

                Louis' been bugging him to talk to her, to make things right, 'cause Zayn did truly love Perrie. But he refused—he didn't want to hurt her more than he already have. Just seeing her yell in tears in that dressing room hurt him, it was like he was being punished—being beaten by a whip was easier.

          Dropping his sketchbook and his pencil on the bed, he sighed. He stared out of the window, looking at the tops of umbrellas and the darkened concrete outside. He was due for a walk, after all peace and quiet seemed impossible with Louis and Niall playing Fifa in the living room.

Perrie's POV

                        It was cold; summer rain came with an autumn breeze and it was not soothing. I decided to take a walk outside since everyone's presence was annoying me. I was tired of everyone saying I should get over Zayn, I knew they were just trying to help but, constantly telling me wasn't going to change a thing. Getting over someone like Zayn could take months, maybe even a year (or longer). It was hard getting over someone who gave you so much to remember, especially if they were surrounding you everywhere you went.

                       He took me places, he showed me things that wouldn't have been as vivid with anyone else. his smile—God, his smile was like home to me. Seeing the crinkles under his eyes as they closed to a squint was the most beautiful perception I think I've ever seen. And I knew anyone who ever knew this would think I'm crazy—and I didn't care, 'cause I was.

                      Admiring a passing couple I wondered, what would it feel like to be his wife? Would it feel any different with two rings hugging my finger everyday? Would we live in a big house? Would we ever have kids? Would we ever last? There were so many questions to ask but many more to be left unanswered. I guess I'd never actually know, though I could always wonder—right? Like the millions of fangirls who did.

Passing by Ben 'n Jerry's was like a stab in the gut. Zayn always took me here when he had the chance, their ice cream was heaven, and coming here with Zayn made it even better.

"Hi—um, do you mind taking one picture with me, please?" And I hadn't even noticed there was a girl in front of me. She looked about fifteen and had these beautiful green eyes, not as bright as Harry's though they were enchanting.

"Yeah, of course." I smiled. Shortly after taking the picture I gave her a hug.

"Thank you." She said with a cheeky grin on her face.Turning around I heard a piercing scream, I turned around to see the same girl squealing at a newly found face.

                   "Is that Zayn Malik?!" And fuck, what was he doing here? Before I even had the chance to turn around and run away the girl was waving him over. Crossing the road in two strides, he grinned and took the picture with the squealing girl. And his hair was different today, his quiff was flatter today, but he still looked good like always and why the fuck was I still here? I walked past him and the girl without looking at him.

"Wait—Perrie." Next thing I knew his hand was grabbing mine, turning me around during the process.

"Leave me alone." And fuck, saying that to his face and watching his gold eyes soften was like hell.

                      "Please, I just want to talk." Zayn said and I did deserve an explanation from him—right? But no, I couldn't. Hearing his explanation could either make me or break me. I didn't want to believe he left me for Selena, but she was Selena. She was absolutely gorgeous, I could never be as amazing as her. It made sense why Zayn wanted her and not me.

"No, I don't want to talk to you. Just leave me alone. You made your choice." I said turning around, and that's where he stopped me again, though this time he was in front of me.

"I want to tell you why I did just, listen." And I really did want to know why but, hearing him tell me why he left me would break me. 'Cause I wasn't good enough.

"I just wasn't good enough, was I? You just had to go to the next big thing. "

"No, it wasn't like that Perrie. You are good enough, I—"

"Then why the fuck did you leave me? Why the fuck did you call me selfish? What did it do?" I never understood until now, and it still didn't make any sense.

"I'll tell you everything, just come with me, I promise I'll tell you everything." And he sounded so promising, and it was honestly killing me not to run in his arms and say okay, but....

"I can't." And I could see the disappointment in his eyes. "I'm sorry, I just can't. I'm ready to move on, and the last thing I need is you trying to reel me back in. Goodbye Zayn."

It took so much strength to not cry, and fuck I wanted to bawl 'cause I was saying goodbye—actually saying goodbye, and fuck, it couldn't be harder.

-

written by @BeautifulRainyDays

this was horrible, sorry for taking months to update, promise the next update won't take forever to the ones who are still reading this, unsure of @Punkjesy_ (she changed her username) is writing the next chapter, bye :)