Hiraeth | Regulus Black

Chapter Twenty Seven

"I'm going to become a Death Eater." She admitted.

Regulus couldn't get the words out of his head. If he had thought it was bad he was becoming a Death Eater, it was much worse that Esme was. Regulus had been spineless and cowardly and had never voiced his opposition to his family's prejudice. Yet, Esme had always fought for what she believed, and she didn't deserve to be dragged into the mess.

So that's why Regulus pestered the girl into begrudgingly agreeing to accompanying him on a trip out to Hogsmeade. He hoped to at least mildly lift Esme's mood. She had received the letter from her father about a week ago, and had been moping around ever since.

Esme had been struggling to walk a very fine line of calm in the midst of having a complete breakdown. She could barely sleep, eat, or hold a conversation. The poor girl couldn't even pay attention in lessons as her mind was so fixated on what the future held for her. Esme couldn't stop obsessing over the threat of becoming a Death Eater. The nightmare played over and over and over again, on a loop in her brain. She had this constant feeling of wanting to be sick, mixed with bursting out into tears.
Truthfully, the girl just wanted to curl up into a ball in her bed and never move again.

But there she was, walking into Hogsmeade because Regulus had asked her too, and they needed to support each other now more than ever.

Esme had shown Regulus the letter. The letter from Lucas Avery. It had explained that despite it being slightly unusual for women to be branded with the Dark Mark, it was wise for Esme to join the Death Eater ranks so nobody would question her loyalty to her family or their beliefs. Lucas had even dared to say he was doing it for her protection.
Regulus had felt sick when he read those words. That had driven him into a rage.

"Fancy some tea?" He asked, looking over at Esme who had her head down, her face out of view as she tucked her chin under the collar of her coat.

"Sure."
Regulus frowned; he knew she hated tea. He had been there when Esme first tried tea when they were nine years old. She had been trying to prove how grown up she was, and decided the best way to do this was to start drinking tea and coffee. Antoinette Avery had made the two children each a cup of tea, and she and Regulus watched with amusement as Esme took a sip, immediately spitting it back out and declaring she would never drink tea again.

"Do you like tea now?" Regulus nudged her gently.
Esme blinked hard before slowly turning to look over at him, "Tea? What? No, it's disgusting. Tea is just leafy soup. Might as well boil some paprika - it would taste just as bad."

"If you don't start listening to me, I'm going to get you hearing aids. Then you'll have to listen to me drone on and on and on and on and on-"

"Alright!" Esme exclaimed suddenly, stopping in front of Regulus and clapping her hands over his mouth to get him to shut up, "I get it. If you start rambling about the stupid anchor metaphor or whatever it was Mulciber said, I might lose my mind. Let's just... Sit somewhere."

"Where would you like?"
Esme groaned again, "You decide."

She hated the feeling of being taken care of. Esme wasn't some broken toy to be mended or put back together again. She was stubborn and wanted to be allowed to sulk for as long as she desired. Esme would never ask someone to take care of her. She needed it though, at that moment. So even though she wasn't entirely aware of it herself, and would never dare to admit it, she was grateful Regulus had taken it upon himself to keep her company despite her hard-to-deal-with attitude. Regulus wasn't treating her like she was broken or frail, he was just providing company and the occasional mockery - it helped Esme feel a little bit more human.

Regulus scanned over the street in Hogsmeade, glazing over the various shops and cafes. Then an idea popped into his head.

"We could go down to that haunted house. You know, the one that's all fenced off? That's probably as far removed from a tea shop as you can get." He offered.
Esme narrowed her eyes, "Does it really count as a haunted house? I mean, it only really got haunted like a year ago."
"Good point..." Regulus raised a finger in the air, "But I'll raise you one, a temporarily haunted house is cooler than sitting on a bench outside the train station."

"Okay, fine."

It wasn't a long walk to the outskirts of Hogsmeade. It was a surprisingly warm afternoon for March, so neither of them were particularly bothered about being outside the whole time.

"What I don't understand, is how that house has only just become haunted. I mean, look at it. If I were a ghost, that would be the house of my nightmares to haunt." Regulus shook his head disapprovingly as he stared across at the Shrieking Shack (although it hadn't been named that at the time).

"Did you just say 'house of your nightmares'?" Esme asked questioningly. She stood beside Regulus, staring out at the shack across the valley. It almost appeared to sway in the wind as grey clouds started to form above them.
"Obviously." He shrugged, "If I were a ghost I wouldn't care about dreams."

"Regulus, ghosts don't have anything to do with nightmares." She pointed out.
He scoffed, "You're wrong; I think nightmares about ghosts are plenty common."
"Anybody could have a nightmare about anything. I once had a pretty scary dream about a mole, doesn't mean moles are going to start haunting houses though." She grumbled, folding her arms as the air grew colder.

"I've got to hear about this mole nightmare." He laughed, "What on Earth happened?"
"I was seven, it was traumatising. Besides, it's not exactly like there's any point in having dreams now." Esme sighed, pulling her hair over her shoulders to act as a feeble attempt for a scarf.

"Huh?"
"My life is over. Our lives are over. Our fates are sealed to either be arrested, or live to see the Dark Lord rule the Wizarding world." She stated, hugging her body for warmth and carefully training her eyes out the horizon so as not to get more upset than she already was.

Regulus hated seeing her like this. Every time he thought he was getting close to making her smile, she would spiral back into hopelessness again.

"I mean, that building was clearly made to be haunted. It's an architectural nightmare on stilts. There's no way anybody ever lived in that thing." Regulus attempted to sway the conversation.

Esme turned to him now, "What did you just call it?" Her voice was quiet, making Regulus doubt himself for a moment - thinking he had said something wrong.
"An architectural nightmare?" He thought.

Then, the smallest of smiles grew on Esme's lips. It flooded Regulus with relief as the lopsided, cocky smirk he had missed so much finally emerged on Esme's face.

"Architectural nightmare. You are the single nerdiest person I have ever met. You beat Cresswell by a mile. Architectural nightmare." She shook her head in disbelief. It had caught both of them off guard that something so trivial, so normal, had lifted Esme's spirits in such a way. But she couldn't hide her grin as she looked up at Regulus, who continued to make her feel normal even when the whole world was crazy.

"It puts the leaning tower of Pisa to shame." Regulus chuckled, euphoria flowing through him as Esme let out a laugh.

She rolled her eyes playfully, "I cannot believe you are a real teenager. I'm not sure anybody has ever been concerned about the structural integrity of a haunted house."
"Health and safety should be a number one priority, even if it's only for ghosts."

Esme laughed again, pushing against his arm as she raised her other hand over her mouth. When Regulus looked over at her, and their eyes met, she was reminded of the first evening back at Hogwarts, when before Dumbledore's speech they had locked eyes across the room. Except this time, something clicked in Esme's mind. It was as though she had finally put the pieces of the puzzle together and realised who she was looking at.
It wasn't just Regulus anymore.
It wasn't her childhood best friend, or her old rival.

It was a different kind of Regulus.

"I'm getting kind of cold. Do you want to grab a drink? Strictly coffee." Regulus asked, frowning when Esme didn't reply straight away.
But quickly, a warm smile emerged, lighting up her face as she replied, "Sounds great."