The Exile's Daughter

The Risk

"You cannot go!"

I screwed shut my eyes at the desperation in Legolas' voice, pausing at the doorway. The upset I wished to hide was threatening to spill.  

He spoke again, softer. "It is cold, and you are hurt too."

"I am not a child." I growled, hardening my heart and opening the door to go.

"Nesseldë, please listen to me."

There was a tone of anguish, of exhaustion, I had never heard. He almost begged. So surprised was I by his defeated voice, I turned on my heels and walked back to our room, pushing the canvas aside and standing in the doorway, my arms crossed. Despite my efforts to appear furious, a tear trickled down my cheek in his sight. The guilt on his face gave me a savage pleasure. Perhaps he would pay, in some small part, for the pain he had caused me.

I was convinced, in that moment, I had been sorely mistaken. Perhaps his lingering looks and gentle touches were part of the ordinary courtesy a lord must show to a lady. After all, I was new come to my heritage and title. How was I to know how to act? Instead of coming to a sensible conclusion, I had fallen for the first person to show even the slightest kindness.

"Come and sit with me, I beg."

Legolas held out a trembling hand. Better to get this over with, I thought sadly. I sighed and sunk down on his mattress, watching him hoist himself into a more secure sitting position beside me. He reached out to brush my tears away with his tunic.

"Forgive me", he whispered, "for it should have been my task to speak to you of this long ago."

I dropped my eyes when he took his hand away. He was going to tell me there was no hope of anything more than friendship. How could he not? "Just let me go, Legolas."

He shook his head slightly. "Let me apologise, at least. I should never have shouted at you. I know how anxious you can get, and no wonder."

"And what do you mean by that?" I spat. 

Legolas held up a hand to silence me. "Only that few have lost more than you. I know you fear losing those you love, and I have only added to your pain."

I glanced over at him to see him bury his head in his hands, clutching at his hair. His speech was muffled when he continued. "My fears are not unlike yours. In fact, they are just the same. So many have died right in front of my eyes. Friends, kin, soldiers, even my own mother. For a brief moment I thought you would be another person I failed to protect." He looked fleetingly into my eyes; suddenly he was almost boyish in his desperation. "Nothing frightens me more than the thought of losing you."

"Why do you think I ran to you?" I hissed, wiping a shaking hand under my eyes. "You are the one constant in this world of dizzying change, the one friend who will not be sundered from me in the end, and now through my own foolishness I have driven you away too."

"You have done nothing of the sort." Legolas jerked his head up from his hands, his eyes bright. "It is I, not you, who is at fault. All these months, I have been paralysed by my ridiculous fears that what is in your heart may not be the same as what is in mine."

My gaze travelled carefully up to his eyes, studying them to detect any form of a lie, any indication that there was a 'but' just around the corner. He looked back steadily, but the only thing I could see behind those deep blue eyes was trepidation.

"I am sorry I made you cry. You have enough grief without my needless anger." There was a slight wobble in his melodious voice. "When I first awoke, the last thing I remembered was watching you fall. Then your hand was cold, and you look so pale." Legolas lent his head back on the wall and took in a shaky breath. "The thought of you hurt at my expense scared me, but that is no excuse for how I reacted."