The Girl I Loved Once

Chapter 15

We're standing at the front door of Steve Bledell's Mansion. Steves one of my buds on the football team. Super stuck up just cause his stepdad has his own plane. It's annoying, but we put up with it because his stepdad funds the sports program. It occurs to me, as we stand in silence for a moment, that this is probably Lara Jean's first party in highschool. I can tell she's nervous. Her palms are shiny. 

"Ready?" I say, awkwardly. She wipes her hands on her shorts. "Not really."

"Then lets talk strategy for a second. All you have to do is act like you're in love with me. That shouldn't be too hard." I saw with a bright smile. She rolls her eyes. "You're the vainest person I've ever met." I grin and shrug, and turn to the doorknob, taking one glance at Lara Jean in the reflection.  Her hair looks better down, I think to myself. "Hold on,"  say, as I lean in and pull the hair tie out of her hair and toss it into the yard.

"Hey!"

"It looks better down! Just trust me." I say as I play "hairstylist" for a second, running my hands through her hair and trying to get it to look natural. Her hair smells like peaches, exactly like it used to I think to myself. I resist the urge to smile. I take my phone out of my pocket, suddenly deciding she needed to be my wallpaper. "In case Gen checks my phone," I say. Really, I just think she looks pretty, and I would like to have a stored memory of it. Y'know, when this is all over. A memento of when Lara Jean looked really pretty and I could call her my girlfriend. 

I set it to my wallpaper. She jumps up to see it. Scrunching her nose, she says "Can we do another one?"

"Nah, I like it, you look pretty," I say, immediately regretting it. I should have just said I was rushing, I don't want to sound like I like her, I think to myself. I turn the doorknob and enter into the corridor. The house is massive, and there are people everywhere. Every square inch you looked there was a red solo cup or someone sitting or standing. I immediately see Gen and freeze. I can't talk to her, I think, I'm not drunk enough. I turn to my left and see Alexa standing there with a red solo cup. Christine is on her lap, and they're talking very loudly to someone. "Heyyy! Ren! Get-get ova heree!" Christine yells loudly, motioning me to come over. Alexa sees me and laughs as she waves. "Kavinsky you should have brought your script! We could have prefooormed!" Christine yells in my face. Her breath reeked of beer. This interaction proved very funny to Alexa. "I should have!" I say back. I turn around and see how Lara Jean is doing. She's been cornered by Emily Nussbaum. She looks frantically at me, as I give her eyes and mouth You're up. 

I'm still talking to Alexa, Christine, and some people in Footloose when Lara Jean plops herself on my laugh, making everyone laugh. She scrunches her nose into mine. I'm startled, but laughing along, letting it happen. I figured Gen was watching. The satisfaction on her face tells me I was right. "Hey Lara Jean, when are you gonna watch Peter rehearse?" someone asks. My heart stopped for a second. I've never mentioned footloose to her. "Rehearse?" she asks

"Footloose! He's our local Ren McCormack!" 

She looks at me with surprised eyes. "You're in the school play? Really?" She says. "Yeah, Davenport roped me into it. I'm not even that good" I say

"Are you joking? LJ, can I call you that? Anyway, Peters a regular Prima Ballerina! He's a-ma-zing!"Christine yells excitedly. I smile and make eye contact with Lara Jean. She happy, but I can tell there's a sting of hurt there. Shes hurt I didn't mention it. I should have mentioned it, I thought to myself. 

The night went on. I was speaking to some people on the lacrosse team when I felt a pair of familiar hands. "Peter," Gen says, "Can I talk to you for a sec?" She says, motioning me to come into the kitchen. I follow. My heart is pounding. 

"Peter, you still intend on keeping the lie that we hooked up the weekend before school, right?" I nod. "So why is Lara Jean telling everyone you guys got together the weekend before school? You didn't cheat, right?" My chest felt tight, and my palms got sweaty. "Uh, yeah, it was after that."

"How much after?"

"Like a day," I say. She looks at me dead in the eyes so intensely and brushes her hand on my arm. I wipe it off. I wish I weren't alive at that moment. She's trying to catch me in a lie. I hate it when she does that, I think to myself. Then her expression softened and went back to normal. "Oh. Okay. I was just confused." She said, shrugging her shoulders and walking away. I exhale. Shit, I think, I have to be more careful.

I look for Lara Jean in the sea of people and see her talking to Lucas. I want nothing more than to get out of here. Its suffocating, hot, and smells bad. "Are you ready to go?" I say. Not as much ask, honestly. 

"Yeah, let's go." Lara Jean followed me. "See you Monday, Lucas!" She says.