The Girl I Loved Once

Chapter 32

It was the night before the ski trip. I rubbed my eyes and waited patiently for the shop worker in the donut shop to get me my donuts. 

This entire store feels like the 2nd dimension, I thought to myself, time feels like it's moving so slowly. 

Finally, a short girl wearing an apron turned around with my bag. I pay and fly back to my car with excitement. Getting back in the car and glancing at the passengers seat,  thought back to that day, with Lara Jean sitting next to me. I remember that day so clearly; with her head resting against the armrest of the car, quietly sleeping as we came home from the estate sale.

I liked her at that point, more than a friend, but I don't think I quite realized it yet. It really hit me when she came over for dinner to eat with my family. That night was so perfect, and it was the first time we ever really talked and opened up. I knew how much I liked her then, and I like her even more now. 

I'm practically jumping in my car. I'm gonna ask her out on the field trip. Like, out out, not fake. No contract this time. 

I pull into the school the next morning and into a parking space. Theres parents and kids everywhere. Backpacks littered the parking lot, and water bottles and snacks were everywhere. I spot Lara Jean, seemingly in thee middle of a heated discussion with Chris and someone else. I crane my neck to see who it was, and I suck in my breath.

Gen. 

Shit. 

SHIT. 

I practically run out of the car to see, and I run up to Lara Jeans side, making her jump. "Whats going on?" I ask. 

Gen folds her arms. "Chrissy didn't sign up for the field trip, so I'm sorry, but she can't come."

Gen looks like shes about to burst a blood vessel out of anger, Lara Jean looks like shes about to cry, but Chris looks calm, cool, and collected.

I roll my eyes. "Gen, just let her come. Who gives a shit if she didn't sign up?"

"I didn't make the rules, Peter! Should she just get to come for free? How is that fair to everyone else?"

"Actually," Chris says cooly," I talked to Davenport. She said it was cool." She makes kissy faces at Gen. "To bad, Gen."

"Fine, whatever. I don't care." Gen says, storming off. 

* * * * * * * * * * * 

We get onto the bus. I slide into the seat, expecting Lara Jean to slide next to me. But she doesn't, she just shuffles forward.  "Hey!" I say. "Aren't you going to sit with me?"

"I'm sitting with Chris." She says, trying to walk down the isle. 

"Lara Jean, are you kidding me? You have to sit with me." Leaning in, I say, "You're my girlfriend."

She shakes me off. "We're breaking up soon, aren't we? Might as well make it more realistic." She says with a bitterness that catches me off guard. She walks away. I'm shocked and a little hurt. So hurt that I don't even notice Gen sliding next to me, sitting on top of the Mocha sugar donuts. 

"Sorry!" she says as I grab the bag from her. 

* * * * * * * * * * * * *  * * 

The Lodge is exactly like how I remember. Warm and grand, with a big fireplace and warm rugs and and snow pouring down outside. I spend the say snow boarding, waiting for Lara Jean to come, but to no avail. I get angrier and angrier as the time goes by, dwelling on the bus incident this morning, and Lara Jeans lack of interest in me. She finally does, and she calls out to me, but I'm so angry I don't respond.