C L O S E R || hwang hyunjin

chance

I stepped off the roller coaster, my legs shaking, and my heart racing. We made our way to the exit. I took deep breaths. Hyunjin noticed as he walked beside me. He leaned over and whispered: "That was fun." He had a shy smile on his face. I looked down with a shy smile. I felt my heart escalating. We all made our way back to the others and started to explore the large park more. We didn't really say much but we heard the others chatting, joking, and messing around. I looked at the ground, watching my feet as they moved.

"We are going to take a restroom break!" I heard Chan say from up ahead. We stopped in a large crowd and made our way through to the restroom area. I headed in the bathroom with the other girls, then sat down in the stall. I still felt my heart beating from the coaster. I took a hold of my head and made a large sigh. I then quickly looked at my phone, I scrolled through a few messages from Jisung.

"Make sure to enjoy tonight."
"Don't worry about me while you're gone."
"Yeah, it's totally not boring here."

By his messages, I had a slight laugh. "It hasn't even been half a day and he's already missing me."  Then I looked at the time.
It was a lot later than I thought. "Why is it so late?" I quickly stood up and quickly shoved my phone in my pocket. I quickly made my way out of the restroom and noticed everyone was waiting for me. "Took you long enough." I heard Minho complain. I made a glare at him and made my way to Hyunjin. Then, a sudden breeze brought a delighting scent. 
I sniffed, trying to identify what it was. I looked around and noticed there was a bakery, inside the park. We were all getting our things so we can start walking again. But, I interrupted them. "Hey! can I go in here real quick?" I got Chan's attention. He looked back at me and noticed what I was pointing to. 
"Ah ah, yeah. Let's go." Chan made a quick laugh, we all turned around to walk into the bakery. Which has small seats and tables spread around inside. It smelled like bread, sugar, and coffee. I took a deep breath in, and the smell brought a huge smile to my face. I let out a large "Ah!" Hyunjin made a smile at me. "I take it to you like bakeries," He said quietly. I made a quick nod and looked at the baked goods that were on display. Things from bread, cake, brownies, cookies, strudels, danishes, and the list goes on. I felt my head spinning because there were so many choices. But, as everyone looked and started to order at the counter. One thing stood out to me that Hyunjin kept looking at. It was a large fudge-oreo brownie. 
I leaned over to him. "Do you want it?" I asked with a grin. He flustered back a bit. "It...uh, does look good but I don't think I could eat it all or ask for it.." Hyunjin had a shy smile on his face and looked back out the window. "Uh, we can split it then! I will buy it for you!" I felt so happy to, I wanted to see that smile on his face. I quickly got the baker's attention. "Can I have one fudge-oreo brownie please?" They nodded and got one from the display. They put it in a box and handed it to me. "And two cups of water, too," I added. They handed both Hyunjin and I a cup of water. "You didn't have to do that." He whispered to me as we both made our way to a table, close to where the others were sitting at. I noticed that we were alone once again, away from the others. "We always seem to be alone with each other." I made a small chuckle as I opened the box. "Uh, yeah..that seems to be happening a lot." Hyunjin quickly ruffled his hair and picked up a fork to take a bite of the brownie. Sitting here with him made me feel really close to him. I couldn't stop looking at his timid, smiling face, I felt the warmth in my chest growing. We quickly finished up the brownie, which was delish, as the others were waiting for us by the door. 
"Mates, you always take forever." Felix tried to hurry us. I quickly skipped back up to the group as we left to continue the journey through the park. We walked around and found new rides to go on. But, some we stayed off of. 
We both stood below a large coaster, that had a large drop and looked like it was a tear-jerker. So, we stayed off of it while the others got on. We waiting where the crowd wasn't so heavy. We both sat on a bench, in the shade. I felt the chilly breeze hit my face, and chills go down my body. We both looked up as we watched the others ride the large coaster. We heard their large screams as it came tumbling down. 
"Haha.." Hyunjin started to chuckle. "I feel embarrassed by not going on, but, I don't go on all of the rides." He scratched his cold nose. 
"Right." I agreed with him. "Like! I don't wanna die, thank you!" I jokingly yelled. 
Hyunjin made a small laugh. 
"Haha.. yeah, like they can't make fun of me for that." Hyunjin looked down, and he looked shy, but he looked like he was in deep thought about something. 
"Yeah, if they do, they'd have to make fun of me too. That won't change how we feel, right? Geez. No one is the same." I crossed my arms. Hyunjin slowly looked at me in realization. 
"Everyone always has." Hyunjin quickly said, as I looked at him the others made their way towards us. So, I couldn't reply. "That was great!" Minho had a large smile on his face. "Right, it was barely anything," Felix said but I could tell his eyes were widened. I made a small chuckle at myself. 
I noticed that the sky started to slowly get darker, and the air started to get colder. "How about we go on some other rides?" Minho looked around at all of us. "Sure sure, but we got to make sure it's what everyone wants to do like we can't have people staying behind." As Chan said that Felix and Minho glared back at us as we walked. "What?!" I whined. "Don't blame us. Not all rides are for everyone." I glared back. I just heard Hyunjin silently laugh. We all made our ways around and went in another line for a ride. I could already felt the tiredness hit me. I looked at the coaster we were about to go on. 
I felt Hyunjin lean down and whisper to me: "Do you want to go on this one?"
I quickly flustered and whispered back: "Yeah, if you are." I noticed that I was comfortable going on any of the rides if Hyunjin was going as well. I didn't know why, but it was like I felt safe with him. "Yeah, I am. This one is calmer." Hyunjin looked calm as he brushed his hair back with his fingers.
We slowly made it through the line and ready to get on another coaster, but this one actually had feet support. I sat next to him, who looked really excited. It lit me up inside. 
"Why am I so comfortable and happy all of a sudden?"  I could feel my heart racing, and I couldn't keep the smile off of my face. I held onto the shoulder belts around me. The coaster started going and I felt the numbing cold breeze on my face. 
This coaster was smoother, but near the end, it made us go backward. I felt my head get light as I didn't see where the coaster was going. I closed my eyes tight and took deep breaths. "Wooo, wooo." I kept exhaling. Hyunjin made a small nervous laugh and looked at me. "It's okay. it's all on track. Right?" By his face, I could tell he was nervous too. Then as the coaster brought us, there was a backward drop.
"THERE GOES MY LUNCH!" I heard Felix yell. I almost choked on the air I was inhaling. The ride slowly came to an end. I looked over and saw Changbin hunched over in the corner. "Awww, poor Binnie," I muttered. "Did you just call him Binnie?" Minho looked disgusted with me. 
I scratched my head. "Sorry, I come up with weird nicknames in my head." 
We all walked slowly off of the ride. Changbin ran up to me. "It's cool, I like the nickname." Changbin still had a sick look on his face. I couldn't help but be concerned. 
"are you okay?" I tried to look at him, but he hid his face. 
"Uh, yeah. Just a bit sick. It's Felix's fault." Changbin glared.
"How is it my fault?" Felix yelled back at us. I looked back and noticed that Hyunjin was still following. For some reason, I didn't want to be separated from him.
"Yeah, we should all get some drinks," I suggested as we made our way back to Chan, who was waiting under a tree in the park. 
It started to get darker and darker, I noticed that the Christmas lights around the park started to shine a bit. "The lights are coming on," I muttered.  Hyunjin is the only one who heard me. We both looked around and saw the hundreds of people passing by. But, the lights getting brighter as the sky got darker. The lights surrounded the whole park, hanging from building to building, ride to ride. My heart started to light up a bit. 
"I can't wait until it gets completely dark so we can see the tunnel of lights at the edge of the park." I made a soft smile and held tightly onto my coat. 
I felt a pat on my head. I looked up and noticed Hyunjin had ruffled with my snow hat again. 
"Why do you keep doing that?" I pouted. He made a quick smile and ran up with the others. I felt embarrassed but I didn't know why. "Let's all go get some hot cocoa at the edge of the park!" Chan yelled to all of us. We all started walking down the pathway, passing many people. It almost felt like I was going to get caught in with the crowd. The others went ahead so fast, I could barely see them.

Slowly other people I didn't know made their way in front of me. I quickly moved my legs, trying to catch up with the others but I found no trace of them. I looked around, back and forth, and I couldn't pinpoint a face. I stood there in confusion. "Aish...how did I lose them this face?" I facepalmed to myself, stepping back from the crowd. I crossed my arms and started to get frustrated. "What do I do? Do I look for them?" I thought as I frantically looked around. I stood on my tippy-toes trying to find them. But, I had no luck. Then, I felt someone come up behind me. I jumped back, to see Hyunjin silently standing there. "Hi." he made a small wave.
I took a deep breath. "Geez, I thought you were a creep for a second." My eyes widened. "Where are the others?" I looked around.
"Don't know. I lost them too." He scratched his head nervously. 
He looked down at his feet. I took a step close to him. I felt my heart skipping a little bit as I stood closely, making sure we don't get separated. "Do you want to go to try to look for them?" I looked up to him. He looked down at me closely and made a small nod. I gulped, then looking around trying to find an opening in the moving crowd.
It was now dark, so it was hard to see. 
"There has to be a way so we don't lose each other so we can stay connected." I looked at him again. I looked around trying to think of away. "There's no way I could hold his hand..I am too scared of that." I looked down at my long sleeves covering my hands. Then I got an idea:
"Here." I offered my arm. "Grab a hold of my coat arm and I can run, leading you through." I felt my arm trembling as he slowly gripped my coat. I quickly tightened my eyes, trying to get over the embarrassment. I then started to run, pulling him through the crowd. I kept looking ahead, then back at him to make sure he was there. I felt bad for dragging him along but, I didn't want to lose him. We both looked around as we ran, then spotted the group near the edge of the park. At the hot cocoa stand. "Should've guessed." I felt embarrassed for not thinking of it sooner. We both ran up to them out of breath. Hyunjin still holding onto my coat. 
"Guys, please stop going out on your dates and stay with the group." Chan glared at both of us. I was shocked by what he said. 
"D-date?" My eyes widened then I made a large cough. Felix and Minho both started to stare at Hyunjin holding onto my arm. I noticed he was still locked on. I looked over at him. "You can let go now." I nervously chuckled. "Oh, yeah, right." Hyunjin snapped out of a trance and slowly let go. Hyunjin had a small, soft smile that brought a smile to my face as well. "Now, go get your hot chocolate so we all can see the lights." Chan started shoving Hyunjin and me in line. "Do you like hot cocoa?" I rubbed my cold hands together. "Yeah." Hyunjin made a small nod. 
I then had a memory come back to me: "My brother and I used to drink hot cocoa every night in the Winter by the fireplace.." I looked down, messing with my mittens.
"Oh, do you not do it anymore?" Hyunjin looked curious.
"Well, things are different this year. I guess there's too much going on that we don't really think of doing that kind of stuff anymore.. who knows if we will even have." I then made a small laugh, trying to clear the air again. "Why did I just share that with him?" We both got handed out hot cocoa's in a heat-protected cup. I took a sip and it felt like my tongue almost got burnt off. "Ow Ow Ow." I stuck my tongue out. Hyunjin's eyes widened. "A-are you okay?" He looked concerned. "Yeah." I felt my eyes started to water. We both walked up to the others. We saw the lights shining brightly. "Oh, look at the lights!" I pointed up. Both our eyes sparkled as they glared off of our eyes. We all continued to walk down the lit pathway. 
"Ah, it's so bright." I heard Rylee say. I felt like I was walking with my head up, my neck was starting to cramp up. I rolled my head around, with a slight yawn. 
"It almost the end of the day already and I feel like it just started," I muttered. I felt like my whole day passed like lightning but it still felt like morning to me. I wasn't sure why. 
Hyunjin leaned close to me to whisper: "Does it feel like it's still morning to you?"
I was surprised by how close he was. I made a small nod. "Yeah, but I am so tired that I feel like it is the end of the day." I rubbed my eyes,I felt like my time was off. 
We all approached this arch of lights. They were bright blue, and I felt like I was in a Winter wonderland. I looked all-around at the lights surrounding us. We all stopped to take pictures, but I couldn't stop being in awe of the lights. I noticed Hyunjin stopped there, looking at me. I looked down and saw him taking a photo of me with his phone. "What are you doing?" I felt embarrassed, I reached up and tried to take the phone from him. But, he was too tall for it. He had a snicker on his face. Hyunjin tugged his phone away and glared at his phone. I turned away, "Hmmph. I don't know why you want to take a picture of me when these beautiful lights are above us." I said softly while looking back up. Hyunjin came right beside me, looking up and around as well. "Right." I looked over at him to see him scrunching his nose. He looked cold. He shoved his hands in his pockets and waddled around trying to get warm.
"Are you cold?" I asked with a nervous smile.
"Yeah..obviously." Hyunjin jittered around with a nervous chuckle. He turned away towards the others. I looked down trying to think. I wanted to do something for him. I wanted to be there for him somehow, and I didn't even know what for. 
I slowly unzipped my coat, and I felt the cold press through my long, thin shirt sleeves. I slowly put the coat over Hyunjin's shoulders from behind and skipped ahead without him noticing. 
"I-" He tried to say something, but held tightly to my big coat, that actually fit on him.
I walked beside Changbin, who kept taking glances at me. I felt cold, but I didn't mind it.
"Hey..why aren't you wearing your coat?" Changbin wondered.
I scratched my head. "Hyunjin was cold, so I gave it to him." I made an awkward grin.
"Ah, but isn't this guy the one that's supposed to give out the coats?" Changbin laughed nervously. All I could do was chuckle and look back at Hyunjin, who was at the back of the line. It looked like he was looking around for something. 
I rubbed my hands together. "I have a question," Changbin whispered to me.
"Ya?" I looked over at him. "Do you like Hyunjin.. you know?" 
"Uhhhh.." I flustered my hands. I was confused by the sudden question. "No..no, uh I mean, he's my good friend." I awkwardly scratched my head. 
"Right." I saw Changbin's face turn all serious. I didn't know what he was thinking but, he seemed to have something soft on his mind to be giving him this calm expression. We all walked ahead. We made our way to the parking lot to leave the park. It was already so late, and I didn't notice until now. Someone quickly ran up beside me. I looked over to see Seungmin, with a large snow hat on. "Would you like to borrow a sweater?" Seungmin reached into his bag. I assumed he saw me jittering. "Uh...it's okay." I looked down at my feet. As we approached the van I notice Hyunjin coming up behind me, trying to talk, but got interrupted by Chan. 
"Okay, we are going to eat, then going to the hotel, and we will talk about the rest of the preparations then." He got all our attention. Everyone started getting on the bus. I noticed Hyunjin taking off the coat behind me. I turned back to him. "I meant to give this back...but you disappeared." Hyunjin looked down and scratched his head. "I didn't want you to freeze." Hyunjin shrugged as he gave me the coat, then he went into the van. I didn't get to say anything. "It's so hard to read him." I thought. I hopped in the van and we drove off to a restaurant to eat. 
"Pizza Pizza Pizza!" I heard Felix and Minho chant from the back of the van.
"Alright, alright." I heard Chan sigh as he turned into another parking lot. 
We all walked into this pizza buffet and sat around a large table as a group. 
"Wowee." We all walked in a line and got our food. I didn't really want some pizza this late so I just got dessert pizza. I sat down at the table around the others, and Hyunjin sat beside me. 
"Just dessert?" Minho chuckled at me. 
"Yeahhhh..I have a weakness for sweets, okay?" I glared up at him as I took a bite of my brownie. I looked over at Hyunjin who had his mouth full of pizza. "I am glad he is eating around others now." I thought with a soft smile. 
I heard some noises coming from a different room beside us. Changbin looked over. "Broo..they have an arcade." He started to tap his feet in excitement. "I wonder if Chan will let us go." He shrugged.
"Probably not." Felix laughed as he took a bite. 
"Ahh..I want to go to an arcade.." Hyunjin looked down and muttered. 
"Should I go ask?" Changbin quickly stood up and went to the other side of the table. 
I couldn't hear what Chan said but the disappointing look on Changbin's face said it all. Changbin walked back to us. "He said it was too late." He lowered his head. "Ah, I am a bit tired." I shrugged. 
"Yeah, maybe a different trip." Changbin sat back down. 

We arrived at the hotel, we all brought our bags in. We walked into this large room that had two rooms connected to it. It looked like a large living room and kitchen. "Wowwww this is like an apartment." Felix gasped. "Right." Chan got all our attention. "So, one room for the girls." He pointed to the right. "And one for the boys." He pointed to the left. "We will leave after breakfast tomorrow morning." Chan turned back and went to the boys' room. We all scattered and went into the rooms. It was late, almost midnight. I made my way to my small bed. The room was huge, I was quite surprised that all the girls had their own beds, and that we all could fit. All the girls were chatting about things, but I was so tired I could barely focus on what they were saying. I took my shoes off and hopped in my bed. I covered up, and tried to block out their talking as I slowly fell asleep. 
I suddenly woke up in the middle of the night, it seemed like no time had passed at all. I looked back and saw all the girls were sleeping, and that it was completely pitch-black. I tried closing my eyes again, but for some reason I wasn't tired anymore. My body wouldn't let me sleep.
An image kept appearing in my brain: Hyunjin's shy smile, Hyunjin taking a photo of me, his soft look. I shook my head, trying to get him out of my brain. "Why am I suddenly thinking about him?" I closed my eyes tightly. "Why am I wondering what he's doing right now...?" I shook my head. I sat there for a while, lost in my own thoughts. I felt awake, for some reason I had an odd feeling in my chest. Like I needed to get up.
"Maybe I just need to use the restroom," I muttered in my mind. I quickly got up, but was quiet enough to make sure I didn't wake the others up. I peaked out of the room, it was so dark I could hardly see where my feet were leading me. 
I squinted my eyes to see a sudden silhouette standing right in front of me. I gasped back, fright in my chest. I waved my hands around: "I have no money, I am broke. So, please don't hurt me." I tightened my eyes. All I heard was a slight chuckle. I opened one of my eyes to see Hyunjin come to light. He lit up his phone. "It's just me." He made a soft laugh. I felt this embarrassment run over me. "What are you doing up?" I straightened myself out.
"Oh, I couldn't sleep so I came out here to take a walk, but then I saw you. What about you..?" 
"Oh...same here." I looked down and scratched my head. "There's no way I could tell him I was thinking about him and it kept me up.." 
"Oh, really? that's funny." Hyunjin had a soft, yet tired expression. We started to walk around the room. We both made our way to one of the couches and sat down. "Want to chat a bit to see if that makes us tired..?" Hyunjin suggested, while nervously scratching his head. "Sure." I made a small nod. I didn't want to stop looking at him for some reason. All I could see was him. 
Hyunjin looked over at me quickly, and I looked away, with a nervous chuckle.
"I-" It seemed like he wanted to say something, but I wasn't sure what. A nervousness crawled around in my stomach. 
"Well, I-" 
"What is it?" I looked at him in the corner of my eye. He leaned over and played with his hands. He seemed nervous to me. 
"When you're around me...does your timing seem to go my slow..? even though it's fast?.." I was confused by his question.
"Uh...I mean...I guess? I don't know what you mean." I awkwardly laughed.
"How did you know that, though?"
"Cause it's the same with me." Hyunjin shrugged back with a large sigh.
"What does it mean?" I looked down.
"Something." Hyunjin coughed, trying to change the subject. "Uh, anyway, that's not important. But, today was fun." He had a soft smile on his face.
I was confused but I could tell that he was concerned about something. This time I have with him, these moments, It seems like I am stuck in time when I am with him.
I started to feel this thumping in my chest as I noticed the light glaring off of his gentle eyes. I took a deep breath, trying to get my heavy chest to feel lighter, but it wasn't working. I shook my head at myself thinking: "Maybe Changbin was right.."