C L O S E R || hwang hyunjin

dream

I looked down at my watch as I was walking, It reminded me of Hyunjin. A smile grew on my face as his words replayed in my head: "Remember Our date, okay?" His smile kept repeating in my head. I shook my head while blushing. "Uh, I have to keep it together," I told myself as I fixed myself. Today was my day where I was going to apply for jobs, and I was determined to get a confirmed job before Winter break was over, but it was nearly New Years'. "Get it together," I repeated to myself, as I grabbed onto my coat confidently. I walked down the street, many cars were passing by. The first building I went to was quite large. 
"I want to get better at the things I like doing." I never really practiced my talents because I was so focused on other things before.
"Being so isolated won't help my family, I want to make my mom proud of me." I thought as I entered the first flour. The building was really open inside, but there were so many people walking around, in suits, and uniforms. I made my way around them and to the desk, where a girl was at the counter. 
"I will get to you in a moment." She said because she was on the phone. I made a small nod then looked around a little more. I felt nervous, yet excited at the same time. The girl got my attention. "Can I help you, miss?" She asked.
"Oh, yeah. I am here for my interview." I made a slight bow. 
"This way." She got up and lead me into an elevator. I went up a few floors. I started to get a nervous feeling in my stomach. "This is only my first interview, if this doesn't work I can always just apply at other places..." I told myself. But, deep down this is what I wanted most. This is what I thought about most. Especially while browsing last night. 

A flashback to last night, I was sitting at my desk, browsing my laptop. "I want to make use of my time, So I will not sleep half the day away," I told myself. I was scrolling through websites, seeing if places were hiring. "Seeing Hyunjin working got me inspired to start working too, I just have to juggle studies and work, which will make me exhausted but I don't want to waste my time." I got focused as I focused on the time on my watch. "Two hours passed already?" I looked at the time. "Aish, the time keeps getting faster and faster I feel like my days are only a few hours long." I grabbed ahold of my head and shook it. "I mustn't get distracted, If I stay focused, maybe I can learn to control this whole thing." I shook away the tiredness then looked around the room. "What Job should I apply for?" as I thought that, my phone started to ring. 
"Hello?" I answered.
"You're up? I wasn't expecting you to answer." I noticed it was Hyunjin. I made a small gulp, as I felt my heart skip a bit. "Yes. Uh, I am a bit busy I guess."
"I see." He made a small cough. "What are you busy with this late at night?" I had noticed he started to talk more comfortable with me, that put a smile on my face. 
"Oh, I am looking for a job."
"A job?"
"Yeah, I mean, I want to help my mom and family out...it's been hard getting groceries and stuff." I scratched my head. 
"I understand that." He said in a small voice. "What job are you looking for?"
"The thing is, I don't know." I made a large sigh while looking around my room.
"Ah," Hyunjin went quiet for a bit. "What do you enjoy doing?" As he asked that my mind started to wonder: "What do I like doing?" Then my memories started to come back to me. I always got so excited about art, and I was excited to join the art club in school.
"But, I haven't done it in so long." I thought and saw a small drawing I did on my wall.
"So...is there anything?" He broke me out of my thoughts.
"Oh, yeah.. but I haven't really done much of it for a while," I said nervously.
"Do what you want to do, if you enjoy doing it I say go for it." His words really inspired me. "Thank you, Hyunjin," I said with a smile.
"Mhm." He said quietly. I started browsing through art studios, companies, and brands and noticed there was an art business hiring, but it seemed like a high-class, professional one. "Ah, this looks like a good one..but." I looked at the photos and the building looked really fancy and large.
"But..?" He muttered.
"It might be out of my league. Like I haven't drawn in a while, so I am not too good to get in."
"Just draw up a few drawings, and give it your best shot, honestly. If they don-" Hyunjin wasn't able to finish his sentence. He seemed to be cut off by someone.
"I have to get going, I will talk to you later. I hope it goes well, bye." He quickly hung up. I took a sigh while looking at his contact picture. "Maybe he is right," I muttered to myself and decided to apply online. I shrugged back as I finished then someone quickly came into my room. I noticed Macy swaying around, back and forth. She looked super tired. 
"Are you okay?" I turned towards her. "Yeah, just sleepy. Why are you still up?" She asked.
"I should ask you the same thing." I sighed as she laid on my bed. 
"Ah, I was just out for a bit." 
"Also...I wanted to ask, why are you staying with me and not your family?"
"Ah, I just like staying with you." Macy made a quick smile. 
"Why didn't you spend Christmas with them?" I asked.
"Ah, it's fine." I felt like she was trying to avoid the topic. "I just wasn't on best terms with my parents or something..but I want to spend it with you so." She made a quick smile then turned around. 
"Right," I made a light sigh. "Just make sure to visit them before you head back." 
"I know. I have visited my brother, he's cool, though." 
"Your brother?"
"Yeah, you never met him all this time we were friends. He never liked me hanging out with him and his friends anyway." She shrugged and turned over to go to sleep. I focused back on doing more research and to gather drawings I would show them. I stayed up the whole night.

The elevator went up I felt more and more nervous. It made a ding and I was lead to a main office room for the interview. As I entered the room I bowed. "Thank you for having me today." I saw an older man behind the desk. My heart was thumping. I was nervous. 
If that wasn't obvious already.
"Come in and have a seat." He said politely and gestured to the seat in front of the desk. I moved slowly and sat down while tapping my feet nervously. 
"So, why did you apply for this job?" Was the first thing he asked while staring me in the eye. 
"Uh," I made a small cough clearing my throat. "Because I want to do a job I love doing, and learn more about art, sir." I made a firm nod. He let out a light chuckle. "Ah, I would hope that for all who get a job here at least." He started to look through my application.
"You do have a good school record, and you've been in art classes before, yeah?" He looked up at me. I made a quick nod. "Yeah, a few years ago."
"What made you stop classes?"
By his question I was afraid to answer, I shuffled myself nervous. "There were a lot of events that happened between now and then."
"I see I see," He repeated. "I am glad you're getting back at it though. Do you have your work to bring in?"
"Yes." I made a quick smile and got out my drawing portfolio. I handed it to him. "Thank you." He started to look through it. I was nervous by what he had thought of them since I didn't really draw artistic drawing but more of an animation. I was nervous that this wasn't going to be his style or I wouldn't be good enough to get in. I watched his expressions as he turned the pages. "Are any of these recent?" He asked.
"Not as of lately.." I felt kind of embarrassed in myself.
"Okay." He had asked me a few more questions then shuffled through the papers. "How about you bring in an updated drawing in our next meeting." He handed me back the papers.
"Thank you." I bowed. "I should've been more prepared."  
I was lead out of the room, and as I walked down the hallway I looked around the open rooms, people were rushing around, there was a design room, a structured room, an illustrator room, and many others I couldn't see it all. There were many people.
"A company that publishes comics, art books, and animations. " I thought in my head. "Way too good for me." I looked down but then heard a commotion going on in one of the rooms. I turned my head around to see someone throwing papers down at somebody, I could barely see their faces. "I am sorry." The one muttered while bowing.
"Yeah, you have been slacking lately, pick up the pace or your dad would be upset." The one who threw the paper said. The other one quickly turned around and I had recognized his face.
It was Seungmin. I was shocked then I had thought again: "Right, he said he was really into art and he is in art class too..I didn't know he had a job, though." I thought, as I turned away and head back to the elevator to go down. 
I shook my head to get rid of the thought. I wasn't sure what was going on but, I didn't work there so I really wasn't in the position to go check to see if he was already, which baffled me. As I made my way down, and out of the building. I shuffled through my portfolio and things as the cold wind blew against my face.  As I hurried down the street, I wanted to work on my drawing as soon as possible. I tried to shove my phone in my bag, but then a gust of wind came over me and my pages from my portfolio started blowing out, all over the street. "No! No!" I repeated As I hurried to tried to pick them up. Cars started to drive by, and I ran onto the road, trying to pick up all the pages before the car came by, but before I knew it the car was right in front of me. With a blink of an eye, I felt someone come and pull me out of the way of the car. I felt my heart sink in my chest, as I closed my eyes tightly. I slowly opened them to see Changbin brushing himself off, holding onto my arm, leading me back to the sidewalk. "What're you doing just standing in the middle of the road?" He had a concerned look on his face. 
I scratched my head, then looked back on the road to see some of the papers were run over with wet, icy tires. I felt disappointed, so all I could do was look down. Changbin felt bad for raising his voice. "I'm sorry," He cleared his throat. "Are you okay?" 
I looked up at him with a quick smile, I felt slight tears coming to my eyes because I felt my chances dropping and dropping. "Yeah."
Changbin looked out at the road. "Were those your drawings?" 
"Yeah." I made a small nod, I could barely say anything because I felt like if I did then I would start crying.
Changbin quickly patted my head. "You don't have to hold back, you know?" He shrugged. He jumped out onto the empty road and picked up the wet papers. He brought them back to me, they weren't so soaked that they broke, but the drawing was really smudged. "Is there any way to fix it?" He looked down at me. 
"Ah, I don't know." I made a nervous laugh. 
"Come with me." He insisted and started walking off. I followed right behind him. I didn't know where I was going, but I trusted him. I held onto my things and tucked my head in my coat.
Changbin lead me to an apartment complex, and up the steps, to an apartment. He unlocked the door, and lead me in. "Don't worry, my parents aren't here right now so I can do this quickly." As I stood there, he grabbed a line, and clothespins and hung the drawings up to dry. 
"Would a hairdryer work or am I just stupid?" He looked back at me with a laugh. By what he said, I made a small laugh. I noticed the effort he was trying to make to help me, and that alone warmed my heart. "It's okay." I shrugged. "You don't have to do this." I reached up to take the drawings down, but he grabbed my hand quickly. "Just let me do it okay?" He looked me straight in the eye, I lowered my hand with a small nod. "Okay, thank you, really." I made a small smile.
"I will give them back to you next time I see you." As he told me that, I got a text on my phone, realizing it was almost dinner time already and that I was hungry. "Geez, this time thing is making me almost skip meals now," I muttered to myself as I saw the notification on my phone.
"Hm?" Changbin was confused.
I saw  Hyunjin had texted me: "Would you like to come to dinner with me tonight? We can discuss your business plans if you want >-<" 
I smiled at the text, my heart had felt a skip. "Okay, sure. Where would you want to meet up at?"
"Who are you texting?" Changbin was curious about who I was smiling over. "Oh," I quickly put down my phone with a nervous smile and decided not to answer. 
"Hyunjin...? Right?" 
"Oh, yeah." I looked away because for some reason it was really awkward.
"Right. You two are dating now, right?" As he said that I felt my heart get flustered. I waved my hands. "No, no..it's not like that. I mean, I don't think Hyunjin sees me that way." I scratched my head.
"So you see him that way?"
"Yeah." I looked down, embarrassed, I heard a sigh in Changbin's voice. "I should get going." I pointed out as I left. For some reason, I felt like I disappointed Changbin somehow. "Does he like me...?" I shook my head. Then Hyunjin appeared in my mind as I looked up at the sky. "I wonder why he thought of me and asked.." I wondered with a smile. 
As I hurried down the street I started smiling, thinking of all the scenarios in my head. "Okay, Annie. Get it together. That is not going to happen." I took a deep breath and walked confidently, but I couldn't shake the smile off of my face. 
As the sky started to get a bit dimmer. I sighed because I felt my day getting shorter. 
I looked at my watch, and my timer was going.
"Okay, so let's see how much time passes when I am here," I said as I arrived at the tiny restaurant. I looked around, to see if Hyunjin was here yet. But, I didn't see him. I felt the cold blow against my face. I tried to warm my hands by rubbing them together. 
"I am surprised he didn't ask me to go to the cafe with him.." I thought to myself. I continued to wait for him.

I noticed someone standing across the street. In the distance, I saw Hyunjin. He slowly approached me with a smile on his face. "Sorry to keep you waiting." He scratched his head.
"It's no problem." I made a quick smile. I felt happy to see him.
"Let's go," Hyunjin said quickly and lead me into the restaurant. It was a calmer restaurant, and soft music was playing in the background. I saw many others sitting at tables around us. I held my bag into my hands. "It sure is getting late, huh?" I looked outside the large windows.
"Yeah.." Hyunjin cleared his throat. "Thank you for coming all this way for me." He looked down shyly, then started mixing the food. 
"Yeah, it's no problem, I wanted to see you anyways." I made a small laugh and took a bite of the food. 
"What have you been eating these days?" I looked up at him as he ate. He swallowed his food quickly. "Just mostly cooking for myself, but when I don't have time just Ramyun." 
"Ah," I smiled lightly. "I usually just order out or eat Ramyun. Sometimes Jisung cooks but we don't really have lots of time.." I scratched my head.
"What do you enjoy eating the most?"
"Uh," I looked up at him. "A lot of things..I really like sweets." I was embarrassed.
"AH, I really like them too. But, my favorite is sushi." He said quickly as he took another bite.
"Me too! I really like it, I haven't had it in so long, though." 
"Ah, we should go for sushi next time, then." Hyunjin made a quick smile. 
"Next time?"
"Oh," Hyunjin got shy, "Yeah, we will hang out again, right?" There was this light on Hyunjin's face I noticed as he sat there, with a tiny bowl in his hands. 
"Yes, of course." I smiled quickly. There was something I wanted to say, but I couldn't say it. "Okay good, you scared me there for a minute." I realized Hyunjin had changed since the first time I had really started talking to him. I couldn't stop smiling over that fact. 
He looked up and realized. "What are you smiling at?"
"Oh, uh." I made a slight panic and looked away. "I just really enjoy the food." I took a quick bite.
"Haha, that's the truth.." He started to mutter with a shy smile on his face. He pulled down his beanie and took a sip of his water. 

After we were done eating, it was already dark outside. We were walking side by side down the street with our hands in our pockets. I made a slight sigh, and I could see my breath in the air. 
I noticed Hyunjin looking at me. I looked up at him and made a shy smile. "What are you looking at?" I laughed.
"Oh," He looked away. "I just feel more comfortable around you now."
"Why is that?" I tried to look at his face. 
He hid his shy smile. "I don't know, maybe I learned more about you." 
"Ah, I would hope..I am always so open. But, there is always more to learn." I made a quick nod. 
Hyunjin quickly patted the top head, then quickly skipped ahead with a sly smile on his face. I ran up to catch up to him. "What was that for?" I glared over at him as I tried to fix my hair. "I couldn't resist." Hyunjin laughed, and I saw his smile brighten up more. That gave me a warm feeling in my heart. I felt my chest heavy and my heart racing. My time felt so still with him, but it was passing so fast. "Don't tease me like that." I pouted. 
"But, I like it too." 
I glared over at him, then quickly took the beanie off the top of his head. I started to skip forward. "Hey!" He said quickly and tried to run to catch up to me. I looked back at him and saw his tiny hairs sticking up.
I made a chuckle. 
"Give it back." He then started to pout. "Hey, you can pout too." I teased. 
"Yeah.." Hyunjin looked down with a pout. I felt bad, so I gave the beanie back to him. "Don't feel bad, it's cute though," I added and skipped ahead. "What did I just say?!" I screamed to myself. 
"noooo." I heard him mutter from behind. "Not like you." I could barely hear him say as I arrived at the front of my doorstep. 
"Would you like to come in?" I offered to him.
I opened up the door to see Jisung doing some sort of exercise. It looked like he was punching and kicking the air. His eyes widened as he noticed us. "Hey, guys." He made a nervous laugh.
"What are you...?" Hyunjin muttered with a smile and saw the huge mess Jisung had made. 
"I am trying some exercises." he shrugged back.
We looked around and noticed things around the room. Like a large mat, toothbrushes gathered together, a robe, and a mask of some sort. 
"What are these items?" I pointed at it with a weird glare. "Oh. I was experimenting with something." He quickly gathered them in his arms to try to hide them. Both Hyunjin and I both went along with it and it brought a smile to both our faces. "I am going to be working on a drawing for my interview so, there's that."
"You passed the first interview?" Jisung looked at me. "I mean, he invited me to come again so.."
"That means yes, that's a good sign." They both looked happy. Which gave me more hope to get the job. 

I lead Hyunjin into my room. "Would you like to help me?" I offered him, as he walked in behind me. "What is there that I could do?" He looked around at all my anime, and merch around my room. "Woah." I heard him say.
"Ah, I kind of need inspiration to what to draw." I sat at my desk and turned on my desk lamp. I got out a large page, and a pencil and started to brainstorm ideas. Hyunjin came up behind me. "How about you draw me?" 
I looked back at him, to see him with a serious face, that started to make my heart race. I quickly looked away. "Uh, yeah. I could do that." I looked down. 
Hyunjin got a spare chair and brought it right next to mine. He shuffled with his long hair and shrugged back. He was sitting super closer to me. His face was only one glimpse away. I got out my paper and started forming the base of the drawing.
"I will only draw a portrait. I am best at doing faces." I added then looked back at him. His face close to mine. I tried to observe the details of him, to draw every aspect. But, that made my heart start to race more and more. "Why is he this close to me?" I felt my chest start to shake. I started to draw, as I felt he was watching me. This warm, yet sinking feeling came over me. "Am I nervous? or...what is this feeling?"I asked myself, as I tried to shake it off. I kept looking up at him, and back at the page. Drawing each line, and every tiny detail. He looked do calm, and comfortable. After a bit of time drawing most of the details, there was only one thing left to draw. I looked up at him, straight into his eyes. Trying to focus on him. But, I couldn't look away. There was something about his deep, chocolate-colored, filled eyes. Something about them, like I could see the flickering light inside of him. It made my heart race, it made my mind start to panic, but I couldn't look away. I felt like I was lost in him, I was in another world, that I didn't want to leave.

Before I knew it Hyunjin quickly gripped my hand. "Stop."
He said with a low tone in his voice. I quickly blinked and felt my chest relief with a deep sigh. I looked away from him, I felt my heart get weaker and weaker. "I am sorry, I looked at you too long." I started to feel light-headed. 
"Don't look at me for too long." There was a sigh in my voice. 
"I am sorry, that-" "That's not the problem." I saw that he had looked away, he was still holding onto my hand. 
"I don't want you to look away, but, if you continue to look, something may happen to you." He said quietly. He avoided looking at me. 
"What do you mean..?" I was confused but all I could do was be worried about him. He was acting a bit strangely. 
"If you continue to look at me, your time may run out." Hyunjin looked up at me, with genuine concern on his face. I never saw him this way before. I was confused by his words. He quickly got up, grabbed his beanie, and made a bow. "I am sorry to leave in such a hurry. I hope your next interview goes well, and that you achieve your dream." He said quickly, then left without saying another word. There was something more to this. I wanted to get up and chase after him, but then his words replayed in my head: "If you continue to look at me, your time will run out." I felt my head getting dizzy. I got up and laid in my bed. Closing my eyes trying to make the feeling go away. "What did he mean?" 
I thought deeper and deeper and one thing I had realized. 
"I want to keep chasing after him, I want to keep getting closer to him, I want to keep looking at him." and at that moment I had realized all those things point to. What my true dream is. 

"He is my dream."