C L O S E R || hwang hyunjin

weakness

"Why did you take my hand?" I looked over at him. He was scratching his head nervously while gazing out the cafe window. 
"Uh...well, I thought I won the game.." He muttered and looked the other way. The others started yelling to get our attention, we both looked at them. Jeongin and Seungmin looked to be getting along but, I looked over and Felix and Minho were wrestling each other while Jisung was yelling: "Calm down Calm down! he didn't mean to insult you." I quickly ran to them, wondering what was going on. They all paused and looked up at me. "Uh..." Felix's low voice went and he let Minho go. He stood straight up and scratched his head. 
"What happened?" Whatever it was I wanted to fix it.
"Uh, I accidentally insulted his crush." Minho shrugged.
"Oh?"
Felix looked away because he seemed embarrassed. "She's not my 'crush' anymore." 
"Sure. Sure." Minho nodded sarcastically.
Felix nudged his shoulder. "Hey, quiet down." Jisung glared at them.
"Yeah, I mean you shouldn't tease him about those things.." I scratched my head.
"Ah," Minho took a big breath.
"It's not something to fight over so please." I tried to let out the right words but I wasn't used to the whole resolution type of thing. 
It was silent for a bit so all they did was nod. "I'm not sure if they were talking about Gracie or what but I can't help but worry about Felix." 
"I have to get back home," Changbin said. "I have to be home in time for dinner." He scratched his head as he made his way towards the door. "It was nice seeing you all, and again thank you, Annie." He looked at me with a gentle smile as he left. 
"Yeah, I should go soon as well," Felix added as he scratched his head. The air seemed tense, they seemed to all be hiding something from me and I felt left out. Felix waved with a quick eye smile. Seungmin and Minho left together and started chatting about things. Jeongin went to the back of the cafe to finish work. 
I looked out the window and made a sigh. "It is already getting late, huh?" 
It was all silence. 
"Yeah, it's a bit difficult, isn't it?" Hyunjin shoved his hands in his pockets.
I slowly looked over at him. Jisung was looking at us from behind.
"What do you mean?" I was confused by what he had said. 
"Uh, nothing. I just apologize for putting this burden on you." Hyunjin looked down, with an upset look on his face.
"Burden? you didn't-" He then interrupted me. "I have to go now, but I will talk to you later." He made a small waved and quickly left with nervousness on his face.
"I wonder what's up with him." Jisung shrugged.
"Yeah.." I let out a sigh. "Why does he think he's a burden to me...? what did he mean by 'it's a bit difficult'? I feel like he knows something I don't.." I looked down. 
Jisung grabbed my shoulder lightly. "Don't worry about it." He made a quick smile. "It's quite stormy outside so we should head home before it gets too late." 
Jisung lead me out of the cafe. I followed him. I felt like he was more of the leader instead of me anymore, then a thought came to my head. 
"Hey, Jisung?" 
He looked back at me as we walked. "Huh?"
"What changed while I was gone? you've been acting more mature lately." I scratched my head. He let out a light laugh. 
"I realized something." He looked straight ahead. "Being sad and depressed is not going to help mom get better or help you or dad." Jisung let out a big sigh then smiled brightly. "There's no matter worrying when all I can do is wait, and support. I mean, there is always hope, ya?" 
By what he was saying, brought a smile to my face. "You're right. I am glad to have you. But, please..." I started to mutter.
"What is it?"
"Don't ever fake your feelings okay? Don't ever lie to me." 
"Ah Ah, I won't I promise. I find little joys in life." Jisung nudged my shoulder with a smile on his face. I looked over at him and I could tell that it looked like a burden was lifted from him. It brought a smile to my face. Then another thought came to my mind: "I want to help Felix and Minho, I felt like they're disagreeing on something."
"Ah, Ah, yes." Jisung nodded. "You should want to Help Hyunjin and Changbin too." he let out a chuckle. 
I raised my eyebrow. "Help them with what?"
"You're oblivious." he rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. We both made it to the house. I took off my large snow boots and all my coats. I felt a lot lighter. I let out a large sigh.
"How about you try to help them make up somehow? You have to get to the root of the problem." Jisung sat on the couch and got out his laptop.
"Yeah, but." I scratched my head. "I don't wanna bother them by asking." 
"You want to help don't you?" He glared over at me. I flustered. "You're right." I still felt awkward asking people things, especially if it includes their personal feelings or life at all. 
"I will be going to my room." I alerted and walked slowly to my room. I felt dizzy and tired so I sat on my bed. I noticed something.
"When Hyunjin grabbed my hand..I felt better, I didn't feel as tired and sick." I wondered. I shrugged and as I was about to turn off the light I started to get a face call from one of my friends I hadn't talked to in a long time.
"Macy?" 
I picked up my phone and answered.
"Annie Annie!" She called.
"I haven't talked to you in weeks.. what's up?" I exclaimed.
"Sorry I have been busy with college, rip." She shook her head. "Anyway! I came to tell you I can finally come to visit for Christmas!"
I was shocked by what she said. "Wait, are you serious?"
"Yeah, sorry I couldn't tell you before but it was a last-minute decision from my mom." She added. I smiled brightly. "I can't wait to see you.." 
"Me too! have you made any new friends lately? you know you need to open up more."
"I have! actually.." I muttered.
"Really? that's odd." She laughed. "You would've refused before. Who are they?"
"Uh..." I started to get nervous. "I will tell you when you get here!"
She glared at me through the screen. "Does that mean they're a boy?"
I avoided the question. "Well, goodnight then," I added and hung up. I quickly wiped my forehead because I was so nervous. "Why was that so nerve-wracking to me? to tell her I have friends and have a crus-" I stopped myself before I could finish the sentence. All that popped up was an image of Hyunjin in my head, that I couldn't shake off. The feeling in my heart deepened. "I wouldn't call it that," I muttered to myself as I tried to sleep.



Time went on until the night before Christmas came, dad was still at work, and mom was still in the hospital. Just me and Jisung alone at the house. I curled up in a blanket on the couch. I held hot cocoa in my hand and tried to warm myself up. Jisung and I were just watching the fireplace light up. I let out a sigh.
"It's the same every year isn't it?" 
"I mean, we can make it different, ya?" Jisung looked over at me with some excitement. "I mean, it is different this year." He looked down and tapped his feet.
"Yeah, there are a few different things..but yet we still sit here alone." I looked silently over at the fire. 
"I mean, Macy will be here in a few days, and well, you can text your friend..wait have you texted Hyunjin since then?" Jisung glared over at me. 
"uh..." I scratched my head. "No, I didn't want to bother him." I shrugged and took a sip of my hot cocoa. 
"Well, you should text him. Especially because it's Christmas Eve." Jisung crossed his arms, and snug into his large hoodie.
"Why should I?.." I muttered trying to think of how I wanted things to be, but I was too tired to really focus on anything. 
"Because, you like him, ya? he's your friend and you should talk to your friends." 
"Ah," I couldn't argue with him. I wanted to text him. I wanted to talk to him more than anything and express my feelings towards him. But, something was holding me back. I held onto my phone, with shaking hands.
"Go on." Jisung encouraged, with wide eyes. 
I slowly turned on my phone and went to text Hyunjin. 
But, at the right time, he had sent me a message.
"Merry Christmas Eve, hope you are feeling well. :)"
I got scared and nervous for some reason, I almost dropped my phone. "Ah, how did he know I was going to text him? that's creepy.." I muttered. Jisung just let out a small laugh at me. 
"if he messaged you that means he is thinking about you."
I glared over at him. "Yeah, right. He was probably just saying that to all the people on his phone."
"Message him back!" Jisung shrugged.
"Right right," for some reason, I was really nervous."I mean I talk to him in real life so what's the problem with texting him..?" I told myself.  I shook my head and texted him back: "Merry Christmas Eve to you too."
He immediately replied back: "So what do you have planned?"
As he was asking I quickly remembered what he said to me at the restaurant, with his words playing in my mind. My heart started to beat quickly, but I shook my head to try to get rid of the intense dizziness I was feeling. 
"Uh, nothing planned, just hanging with Jisung rn," I replied.
"Ah, I am not doing anything either, my family left on a business trip not too long ago."
When he sent that the thought was rolling around in my head: "Does that mean he's alone?" I felt kind of guilty. I wanted to go over and spend the day with him. I didn't want him to be alone. But, I didn't want to bother him. I quickly held onto my phone, with a sigh in my breath.
"Oh, you shouldn't be alone on Christmas though. You can come over here if you want!" I didn't want to force him, but I didn't want to be rude either. He didn't seem to reply back at all. 
I kept checking my phone over and over, with this nervousness in my chest.
"That's weird he usually replies back right away.." I muttered and Jisung looked over at me.
"What did you say?"
"Maybe what I said was too much and I scared him..?" The worry went through my head. As I was about to take a sip of my hot cocoa there was a small knock on the door. My heart dropped as I heard it. Jisung quickly got up and opened the door slowly. I couldn't see who was at the door but the constant thought going through my brain: "I hope it's Hyunjin but it probably isn't." repeated. I closed my eyes tightly and tried to get rid of the thoughts. But, Jisung quickly said: "Can I help you? come in come in." 
I slowly peeked open one of my eyes to see, Hyunjin walking in slowly, with a shy smile on his face. He had a beanie on his head and a large snow coat on. "I hope I am not intruding." He looked down while scratching his head. 
I gulped because I was so nervous.
"You didn't tell me you weren't doing something for Christmas either.." I looked down, while still sitting on the couch. Hyunjin stood right in front of me.
"Yeah, it was a last-minute thing." He started to look around the darkroom. Nothing was set up, nothing was done.
Just very plain yet messy. It looked like Hyunjin wanted to say something but couldn't. He looked very awkward and nervous.
"What's on your mind?" Jisung took notice. Hyunjin quickly looked over at him. "Uh, nothing. I mean if you guys want to come right next door I have a lot of games and snacks and stuff.." He started to mutter. He was really shy and I wasn't sure why, but it brought a smile to my face.
I quickly stood up, and I startled him a bit. I was close to him. "Sure!" I glared a smile. He just stared at me closely. I quickly moved past him and towards the door. I looked over and saw Jisung giving me a glare. "We can't just invite ourselves over like that...you sure you don't mind?" Jisung shrugged.
"Yeah, I mean I kinda just came over here quickly from one offer.." 
Hyunjin was being really kind, but I could tell that he didn't want to be alone, and I wasn't going to allow that to happen. I stood there with a smile on my face with the simple thought of just being with him. Jisung and I followed Hyunjin outside. I felt the coldness hit my face. I saw how the white slow lit up the darkness that the night provided. As I shoved my hands in my coat pockets I took a deep breath and felt the cold air in my chest. I felt lightly refreshed.
"Where is your house...? It isn't far, is it?" Jisung whined a bit from behind. 
Hyunjin quickly stopped in front of his house. Jisung almost ran into me. 
He started to look around. "Why are we stopped?" He seemed confused.
Hyunjin quickly turned to his fenced-in yard and entered his house. Jisung quickly looked over. 
"You're our neighbor?!" He gasped.
I made a small laugh and shoveled my feet through the snow to approach the front door. I slowly walked in and took my shoes off at the door because they had snow stuck all over them.
"Come in." Hyunjin made a quick smile as he slid into the kitchen. He started preparing something but I couldn't see what. Jisung quickly came in behind me and was in awe of the wide-open area of the house.
"Woahhh.." He let out. I made my way to the living room and sat slowly on the couch. I didn't say much because the nervousness in my chest was too much. I looked around.
Jisung sat on the floor under the small coffee table in front of me. "Nice place you have here." Jisung made a small laugh.
"Yeah.." Hyunjin's voice fluttered. Hyunjin slowly walked into the room with a pot of hot tea and three mugs.
"Would you guys like some tea or coffee? my mom has like a collection of it.." he made a small laugh as he offered it to us.
I had noticed the large Christmas tree in the corner of the room, and the dangling lights on the ceiling. "Sure," I said lightly while taking the cup and a small sip. 
Hyunjin sat down on a chair close by the table and started pouring himself some coffee.
"It's chilly." I curdled my coat hands around my legs. 
"Yeah, my mom likes to keep it cold in here." Hyunjin made an awkward laugh. It was silent for a bit and I felt this nervousness in the air. As Jisung was staring at us he let out a laugh.
"Ah, you guys are fun to watch even though you say or do nothing."
We both quickly glared over at him. I noticed Hyunjin's embarrassed face.
I wanted to say more.
"Sooo...uh, where did your family head out to?" I looked over at him. Hyunjin fixed his posture and looked ahead.
"Ah, they just went to Germany to see Christmas lights and spend it there." 
"Oh, that's nice..I bet it's pretty." I made a soft smile.
"Why didn't you go, though?" Jisung quickly realized.
"Ohh..." Hyunjin seemed to be flustered by the question. "Well, I wasn't feeling up to going I guess...I didn't want to hold them back."
"Oh, you were sick? do you feel okay now?" I started to worry, but for some reason, I felt like there was something more than just that.
"Yeah, yeah. It's not that." Hyunjin laughed nervously and quickly avoided talking about it more. "Thank you for coming over." 
"Mhm." I made a small nod and looked down. 
As it was quiet for a few minutes Jisung quickly stood up, stretched, and went: "Ahhhh, how about I go to the store, buy some soju, snacks, and we watch a movie and actually do something tonight." He grinned at all of us.
I glared up at him. "We can't drink, we are teenagers." 
"Oh commmme on, we are almost graduated, and are of age, technically." He tried to find an excuse. "I can also invite someone over if that makes you feel better." Jisung quickly got out his phone and started pacing around the room.
"Hey, No way are we drinking!" I yelled over to him, and let out a big sigh. All Hyunjin did was let out a little chuckle. "My mom would kill me if I drank anything other than tea," he muttered. Then shrugged lightly. 
Jisung glared back at us from the kitchen. "I promise to limit it!" He yelled at us.
"I thought you were responsible," I muttered as I slammed my head on the coffee table.
"How old are you..?" Hyunjin looked over at me.
"Uh," I turned my head over. "Nineteen."
"Nineteen and still in high school?"
"So are you!" I glared over at him. 
"Right Right." Hyunjin scratched his head. Hyunjin and I were both the same age. "I got put down a few years to take care of my brother over there, so that's why I am a bit late." I sighed, I was embarrassed for still being in high school.
"No, that's fine. I just always thought you were younger by chance...I could've sworn you said you were younger at one point.." As Hyunjin was muttering Jisung quickly swung over, with a big smile on his face. "Well, will you guys be able to go out and pick up a few things for me?" He looked at both of us quickly.
"Uh...on Christmas Eve?.." Hyunjin was confused.
"Yes."
"But, why send us? can't you do it yourself or get the person you mentioned to do it?" I scratched my head. 
"But, you TWO need to go." Jisung seemed to be pushing us out the door. I quickly stood up and he shoved Hyunjin and me towards the door. 
"uh, b-but this is my house." Hyunjin looked back. Jisung quickly swung open the door letting in the cold breeze. 
"Aigoo, Aigoo, just go and come back." Jisung grinned and pushed us out the door, closing it quickly behind us. I brushed myself off and took a deep breath as I was trying to comprehend the situation. I started to make a nervous chuckle. I slowly looked over at Hyunjin who had his head curdled in his hood. He took deep breaths to stay warm. 
"Weird huh? why did he just do that all so suddenly?" I shrugged.
"I don't know. Gotta get going I guess, it's getting a bit late." Hyunjin started to walk down the snow-covered sidewalk. I followed behind him.
I felt a bit of nervousness in my chest. He looked behind his shoulder to check to see if I was still there. "It isn't far, so I hope you don't mind walking." He said lightly.
I quickly picked up my pace so I could catch up with him.
"Ah, It's fine." I made a small nod. Feeling my face going numb from the cold. I stuck my hands in my deep pockets. 
"I wonder why he sent us out like this, though." Hyunjin made a light smile and looked up at the starry night sky.  "Yeah, my brother.. has his reasons I guess." I made a nervous laugh. "Seriously Jisung, you know how I feel and you do this..you know I wasn't prepared at all.." I yelled at him through my own head. 
"Yeah, I wonder is the reasons." Hyunjin started to smile shyly, and wide. As I looked at him, I felt this deepness in my chest. I couldn't look away. His smile was so bright, I rarely saw this, but something deep down felt like things were changing bit by bit. That something was different about Hyunjin but I wasn't sure of it. With a smile growing on my face, I suddenly felt a wave of dizziness and lost my balance. Hyunjin reacted quickly and caught me. "I'm sorry." He muttered. His smile quickly went away but I could barely focus on him. Hyunjin helped me back up. "Why are you apologizing." I rubbed my eyes. "It's my own fault for not keeping track of my time." I scratched my head. I felt myself coming back to normal.
"Sure..but overall it's mine.." Hyunjin looked away and I felt like he wanted to say something but couldn't.
"He's done this multiple times before maybe I should.."  I was about to reach out to him, but he quickly turned back towards me and grabbed my hand. "Annie." 
He called my name. 
The expression on his face had me scared. He looked serious. I felt this rumbling in my chest. I looked him straight in the eyes with a stumble. "Y-yes?" I gulped. I was nervous. I wasn't sure why he was holding my wrist that tight, why he looked so serious. I have never seen him this worried about something, I've never seen him this way before. "Am I seeing a new side to Hyunjin?..." The feeling in my chest deepened. 
That moment Hyunjin quickly grasped at his heart and closed his eyes tightly. He started to stumble a bit. He looked like he was in pain. He almost slipped on the snow. 
"Hyunjin!" I called out to him as I held onto his hand. He stood back up out of breath.
"Annie." He looked me in the eye. 
Snow started to fall slowly from the sky, as Christmas day approached us.
He looked like he was on the verge of crying. I wasn't sure why, but that made me nervous. It made me worry. "Is he okay? What's going through his head? did something wrong happen to him?" All I could let out was.
"Are you okay?" 
I heard a sigh in his breath. "I'm sorry." He slowly let go of me. He looked down, then back up with me with a nervous chuckle. "I kinda felt deep in the moment." He quickly turned around and started headed to the store. I quickly ran to catch up to him.
"Are you sure? it seemed like you really were serious and wanted to say something.." I looked down with a mutter. 
Hyunjin looked over at me with a light smile. "It's okay." he let out, "I don't think my heart could take it right now." he chuckled.
I looked down. "I feel like he's lying but all I can do is go along with it.." I scratched my head. We made it to the store and picked a few things up. Then we went back to the house quicker than leaving. As I opened the door, I saw Jisung and someone else on the floor in the living room. All I saw was the back of their head. I tried to peak to see who it was. As Hyunjin came in right behind me the person quickly turned their head to see who popped in. 
"Changbin?" Hyunjin raised his eyebrow. It seemed they were both shocked to see each other. Hyunjin placed the bags on the coffee table and stood right about Changbin, giving him this sort of glare. 
Changbin looked around at all of us, with a smirk on his face. "I see why you invited me here." He wiped his nose. Jisung went through the bags and got out the bottles, and Christmas snacks. 
I glared at all of them. Hyunjin sat down while crossing his arms. He looked down while hiding his face. 
Jisung then popped open a bottle. I glared over at him right as he was about to take a sip. He made a quick laugh. "Okay, how about we have a game." He broke the awkward air. Everyone looked towards him.
"Wait, first answer me this: Why did you invite me here on Christmas Eve?" Changbin raised his brow again. 
"Ah Ah, because you would bring good drama to this party." He said quickly then moved on. He sorted out cups and started to pour in each one of them. "Okay, whoever has the most without giving up wins. " He looked around. "Don't worry it isn't strong." He whispered to me.
"I am not playing this." I raised my hands. 
He rolled his eyes at me. "Okay, Then I will give the final competition to these guys here." He faced Hyunjin and Changbin.
"Something is at stake." as he said that he got their attention. "Remember the snowball game and how no one really won in the end?" As Jisung said that I started to think, I saw the grin on his face.
"WAIT-" I Let out, with wide eyes. "Do you mean...?" Changbin looked up. "Whoever wins gets to take Annie on a date?" 
Hyunjin quickly looked up, something had sparked him up. "No way, No way, I don't approve."  I shook my head. "I don't agree with you guys drinking." I crossed my arms.
Jisung just sighed and handed Hyunjin and Changbin the lined up glasses. "Are you up for this?" Changbin smirked confidently. Hyunjin was quiet, but he looked serious. He shrugged, stretching. 
"Ready.." Jisung said.

"NO!" I called out. 
"set.." 
"NO."
"GO!" As Jisung let out Hyunjin and Changbin started to chug down one by one, they were going to fast I thought they were going to choke. I could tell by their face that they weren't used to the heat of alcohol. I started to get worried about them. Changbin was going fast, but he was having a bit of trouble. He let out a small cough. But, Hyunjin on the other hand kept going. It seemed natural for him. He looked strong, serious, and this was a new light to him I haven't seen before. Not so long after, the winner was announced. Changbin ended up finishing before Hyunjin. He laid back with a large sigh. "Aish, why couldn't I beat him." Changbin rolled on the floor. I could tell in his voice that he was drunk.  I looked across at Hyunjin, who was all so silent. Jisung got up and started to yell at Changbin to go to bed. But, I couldn't focus on their words. All I could focus on was Hyunjin. His head started to droop down, and it looked like he was losing his balance. He then started to let out small hiccups. I made a small sigh. I made my way over to Hyunjin, I wanted to help him up. His eyes were closed, and his head drooping over. I put my arm over his shoulder. "Who knew you could take on so much. You are stronger than I thought." I muttered as I helped him stand up. "Ye...s." I heard him say. I looked over at his face, which was close to mine. I couldn't stop staring. I felt my chest getting heavier, and my heart pounding faster. "I do it...I am strong because of..." He started to mutter as I brought him to his room. I sat him on his bed. As I turned to leave the room he grabbed onto my hand. I looked back at him. I felt my heart starting to thump louder and louder.
"I am strong because of my....dad." He slowly opened his eyes. 
I was confused by what he said. "Your dad?"
"Mhm. The strength he gave me is also my main weakness." He rolled his head around, with a slyer in his voice. 
"What's your main weakness..?." I slowly sat next to him, trying to look at his face. There was a bit of silence then
Hyunjin moved in close to me, before I knew it, he had pinned my hands down up against the bed. He was right above me, staring deep into my eyes. I was scared, I was nervous. I had never felt my face that red before. I closed my eyes tightly because I didn't know what else to do. "What is he doing?! he's not like this?! what is he thinking!?" I rolled around in my brain. 
I then felt him fall over right beside me, his head laying on my shoulder. His eyes were barely open. He let his grip on my hands go. 
"l-love." I heard a small mutter from him.
"H-m?" I felt my hands and voice shaking. I wasn't sure what was going on.
"my...my weakness is...l-love-" Before he could finish he seemed to have fallen asleep. I couldn't think straight. I couldn't focus. I wasn't sure what was happening. My heart was racing. I had never seen this part of him.
I never knew this about him.
"What did he mean by what he said? what am I going to do?" I panicked in my head. 
"Does this mean I am going to go on a date with him?!"