Dusk: A Handmaid's Tale Story

Chapter 7

Against my better judgment, I had found myself looking for Serenity. In my comings and goings in the house, I would catch myself looking around corners and past Lena to catch a glimpse of red and white. Why? I had no idea. From the second she had stepped foot into our lives she had caught my attention. Was it because she was so young? I didn't really have friends or acquaintances in Gilead especially around my age. Was it because she was intriguing? She was a spitfire for sure when she let herself speak and she constantly kept me on my toes. Was it because she was the handmaid? I didn't like to think about that much and the guilt that came with it... Was it because I thought she was absolutely beautiful? I also did not like to think about that much and the consequences that could come with it...  

Sometimes when I would catch a glimpse of her, I'd see her glancing out a window with a far off look to her. Sometimes she'd have that same look when she was being spoken to by Lin or Lena and would reply to them on autopilot. I could tell she was always thinking, always dreaming, and maybe that was her method of coping with the craziness of this place. Maybe she was thinking of her family? I didn't really know enough about her though to say. All we had between us was a few moments of unexpected circumstances and compassion. 

She knew my father hit me sometimes, though I hadn't intended for that. She had nursed my bruise when she didn't have to and her tenderness surprised me. We hadn't stayed long thereafter out of risk of getting caught, but she had occasionally asked me if I was alright; her eyes questioning me to see perhaps if I had another encounter with the ass that is my father. Her large doe eyes sometimes unsettled me; they made her look far too innocent and I had started to catch myself feeling sick when I heard talk of children, babies, or pregnancy. 

I would eavesdrop carefully now not only on my father's "Commander calls", but also any calls or talks he would have involving Serenity somehow. Listening carefully for if and when future "ceremonies" were taking place and their outcomes. So far there had been only one; counting today...two. Call me selfish but I could not bring myself to be in the same house when that happened. It made me angrier than anything had in my life and knowing I could do nothing about it drove me insane. I couldn't face her knowing what my father was doing. All I could do was pray she wasn't hurt again and wouldn't get pregnant... And pray... pray to whatever God was listening that he would forgive me for doing nothing. 

Sneaking in through the backdoor, I removed my rain jacket with an angry pull. 

"You just missed it." Came a voice. 

"Lena." I said turning around to face her. 

She stood there looking a bit pale. "Look. I don't like...this any more than you do... But you're only provoking your father by not being there." She said sternly. 

I bowed my head, droplets of rain falling to the floor. "Do you really think I give a shit what he does to me when he's doing that to her?" I said. 

Lena sighed heavily. "You make it damn difficult to cover you, Ezra. If your father questions you at all, you weren't feeling well got it?" She said and went to move past me to the kitchen. 

She suddenly stopped and turned, "Just so you know, I hate it too." And then she walked to her quarters. 

-

Climbing the stairs I felt my jaw locked tightly. This whole world was shit. Sometimes I would look out my window and wonder how far running would get me... I kept the window in my room open often to imagine it sometimes.

Another set of footsteps came up the stairs. Only one other person could be coming up this late. 

I turned around at the top. Serenity walked as silent as possible up. She hadn't even noticed me. Her face was frozen in that far-off look and I knew she was on autopilot again. Just moving, just surviving. She had made it nearly to the top of the stairs and hadn't made any indication to have even seen me in front of her. 

"Serenity?" I said cautiously. She didn't respond. 

Her eyes were glued straight ahead of her. 

I felt my hands move and soon they were cupping her face. It was incredibly soft and her skin radiated warmth. I moved her head gently up to face me more. Her large eyes followed and soon met mine. 

It was an electric shock to my system. Her hazel brown eyes and my steely blue ones. Opposites. 

Her eyes moved a little and soon she was blinking normally. 

"Ezra?" She said now seemingly more aware. 

-

I had walked her to her room carefully. I made sure not to hold her more than necessary and avoided skin-to-skin contact if possible. She was still slightly dazed. It felt like she would break in my hands... She sat on her bed staring at me. I looked at her for permission and she nodded. My fingers moved quietly to her bonnet and detached it from her hair, pulling the small pins that held it in place. Her long dark hair cascaded down to her back in slight waves. I set it on the small desk and kneeled at the foot of her bed. 

Why I was doing any of this again I had no idea but I couldn't stop my body from moving. 

I removed her boots slowly and set them by the desk as well. She pulled her legs up to her chest and held them. She didn't speak. 

The guilt began to crawl up my throat and I grabbed her blanket, draping it around her shoulders. She pulled it tighter into herself. 

I could only look at her. She was like this because of my father. Because of this place. Because I did nothing to stop it. I hadn't even been there to offer any sort of comfort if possible beforehand. She looked traumatized, a far cry from the fiery spirit she held inside. I wouldn't have blamed her if she had burst out crying and yet, she hadn't. Not a tear threatened to be spilled. 

"Ezra come here," A woman's smooth voice said to me. I could feel myself sniffling as I shuffled into her warm embrace. Her fingers wove into my hair and massaged my scalp as my tears fell. 

"It's alright to let it out. It's healthy. Don't ever let anyone tell you you can't feel." She said gently as she held my small body.

With my mother's words and memory fresh in my mind, I found myself moving towards Serenity again. She still didn't move as I sat down next to her blanketed form. I looked over at her and placed my hand tentatively on her shoulder. She didn't jump and actually looked over at me sheepishly. 

"Do... Do you mind if I touch you?" I asked her carefully, keeping eye contact. I was hoping she would see the sincerity of my words and see there was no malice behind them. 

She searched my eyes for a second more before barely nodding. Having her permission I turned to face her and reached over, pulling her hair out of its blanketed position before. Leaning in I began to slowly and slowly weave my fingers in her hair, gently combing it and letting it fall. I watched her face closely for any sign of discomfort to immediately pull away, but instead, she closed her eyes. 

Taking this as a good sign, I continued to play with her hair the way my mother had when I was a kid. Her posture began to relax over time and her breathing even out. Before long she began to tilt toward me and had fallen asleep. 

-

Taking one last look before I left her room, my heart swelled. She looked to be in some kind of peaceful sleep even after the day she'd had. Warmth radiated in me knowing that I had been able to do something, even if small, to ease her pain... 

She laid sideways curled into herself, looking much smaller than usual. The light from the moon shone on her making her look much younger than she was. She had found some refuge for a moment and that made me feel better than anything had in a long time. 

Looking over my shoulder once more, a swell of protectiveness rose inside me. This was the only small comfort I could give her. What happened today would happen again...

But not if I decided to do something about it. 

*Author's Note: 
Hey Guys!! I hope you enjoyed a semi-fluffy chapter. We get to see a softer side of Ezra and then a more effected side of Serenity. This has seemingly stirred Ezra into action though. No longer just thoughts or words, but action. We'll have to see what he gets involved in~ Thanks for reading!