Dusk: A Handmaid's Tale Story

Chapter 8

Serenity's POV:

You don't realize how much you take for granted until it's gone...

-Flashback-

The class was dismissed and everyone began to shuffle about, collecting their books and heading out to their next classes or maybe their dorms. It was as normal a day as any back then...

I grabbed my bag, slung it over my shoulder, and began to also file out with the others until I heard a voice call out my name. Turning around I noticed Professor Malek approaching. She was a petite figure but had wisdom beyond her years. She was one of my favorite professors truly.

"Serenity, I just wanted to say you did a great job on your paper. I know microbiology isn't the most exciting thing to listen to especially as a freshman, but I appreciate your work truly." She said, smiling kindly. 

"Oh, well I appreciate it, Professor. Just so you know, however, I think you have a pretty good class." I said suddenly bashful at the compliment. 

I didn't get many compliments.

She laughed, "You are too kind. I look forward to seeing what else you produce this year. Keep up the good work!" 

I left class that day feeling good about myself. At least for a bit. 

Walking in the winter air with my scarf and feeling the metal seat of the bus stop under me was something I would think about more often than I imagined at that moment...

-

The bed was hard under me like it normally was. Even with the silk sheets that the Commanders spared no expense on, it felt like sandpaper to me. 

Back, forth. A rocking motion of my body and another's, but my mind was thinking of my old bus stop. The glass around it was sometimes stained with pigeon droppings, the seats painted a chipping purple, and my headphones plugged it as I watched the cars pass from the pavement. It usually took about two songs, maybe three, for the bus to arrive. Trevor was the name of the driver. He was a friendly older man. We would chat occasionally when the bus wasn't so busy and I would ask him how his husband or dog was. 

I wonder how they are doing now?

I thought about Professor Malek and her dark hair. The way she kept a pencil in her top knot handy and how she jokingly kept a step stool by her desk; a gift from a former student so she could "reach the top bookshelf". She smiled often and was eager to tell us stories about her family back in Pakistan. 

I wonder where she was now? In this world that did not take kindly to strangers, to different beliefs, and to women with strong minds and no children...

I wondered until my arms were released and I was left alone again. 

It had been the fourth time since I arrived. 

-

I was beginning to dare and think the Commander had... issues. 

No man was infertile in Gilead. God would not make a man in such a way. If a woman could not conceive, something was obviously wrong with her. And yet after my second medical check, there was no reason why I shouldn't have conceived at this point. Turns out I was as fertile as could be according to the hushed whispers of the doctors. 

Mrs. Adams had cried yet again at the news of no child this month also. 

The Commander had looked... aloft... indifferent perhaps?

They had left outside to discuss further with a specialist. 

Another younger doctor cleaned up the examination equipment, eyeing my blank face.