Things to read when you're sad :)

01

and as the waves crashed in front of me, and the water hit my feet, I finally felt relieved of the pain. The agonising experiences to which have to lead up to this, are all gone. All my stress, my sadness. All the times I became high to forget about the lows, and all the times I was low and dreamt about the highs. I knew that this would be the last sight I see, a beautiful sunset. I wasn't complaining, I was living. Living for the last moments of my lifetime. Through all the abuse, trauma, hurting and all. I could finish off with this. 17 years. 17 years of highs, lows, ups and downs. And now? Now I can finally finish. All of this anger, guilt, shame, confusion. They will all be gone in a matter of seconds. Failed relationships and friendships, failed schooling and parents full of disappointment. Constantly being told to go, so what if I did!? So what if I finished. Right here. Right now. Slow or fast? Agonising or painless? Or the final question always being asked, should I even do it? Some say no, others say yes. Every 40 seconds, someone, somewhere around the world, says yes. A gun to the head, some pills to the mouth, a blade to the wrist. Watch them take away their life, a permanent solution for a temporary situation. A temporary situation which feels like decades, centuries, an eternity to end. But it does. Me standing at the edge of the water, as the moments fly by, what am I thinking? My mind is clear, I'm taking in the sense of saltwater, with a touch of freedom. It felt like my turn to be a part of that 40-second cycle, but was it really? This will impact not only my past life but everyone around it, everyone in it, everyone circulating in my timeline, the ones who were there, the ones who weren't. The ones who watched it all, and the very small amount who stepped in. But no one could between the relationship I had with sadness. No one could break us apart, we were the inseparable bunch. The ones everyone saw and talked about. The relationship was abusive, I was always distraught. Every time I was happy, I'd get seen and torn down again. This relationship has spiralled down into a dark vortex, in which no sight of happiness can be found. It's like looking for light in the middle of a dark tunnel, that tiny flicker of a candle. A flicker of hope. But alas, a candle can be blown out and hope is only a dream.