Things to read when you're sad :)

13

10/07/20

The serenity of the rain is the only thing which gives me comfort anymore. The world is changing, the people in it are evolving, the way life revolves is different. I can't keep up anymore. Sleeping forever seems like the better option at this point. Where do I begin? I don't know how to cope, I don't know how to let go & just live. I feel broken, worn out. Like an overused toy for people's enjoyment. I can't help myself, I can only help others. Maybe God's plan for me is death while young. To be a healer for the time I can heal, then to perish off this Earth like I had never existed. Hearing each drop fall from the sky, remembering each time I was happy or had some sort of serotonin. I can't find myself anywhere, I've lost myself in the places where I was supposed to find me. I have this constant feel of irrelevance in people's lives. Why me? Why was I created? Why did I have to be the one to hurt people by leaving? God I pray to you that if I leave in the next 12 months, please don't let people suffer. Please help my lover live the life he is given, please help my mother support my brothers, please let my siblings move on and forgive themselves for the damage that they played no role. God, I'm tired. I'm exhausted. I feel miserable. I can't concentrate, I can't sleep, I keep giving people false hope in the thoughts that maybe, just maybe, I'll be 100% okay. Maybe the happiness that flourishes in my brothers will someday be passed on to their children, to carry on to the generations to come. The happiness that I will never be able to obtain, to pass on. I pray to you, that you give my lover the best life that you can. That he finds the love of his life and continues to live out his days with her. That one day, he can have a daughter and name her Aurora, and to live happily with himself and his family. I pray that my mother will get to grow old knowing that she was the most amazing woman in my life. That she was the strongest woman that I know, and that no one could replace her. Lord, I pray that you give the people that I care about, the best lives they can have. When I am gone, I don't want mourning or sadness, I want happiness and rejoice that I am finally painless.