Things to read when you're sad :)

04

As a child, I was always told about the monsters under the bed that would come and hurt me if I didn't sleep when I was meant to. Now, the only monsters in my life are the ones in my head. The ones which contaminate my mind, and tell me lies to take over my thoughts. The monsters which isolate me from everyone, being too scared to be around them, scared that I'll do something wrong or hurt someone unintentionally. The monsters which constantly make me look miserable, which make me feel miserable. The monsters which make my skin ice cold, to relate to the feeling of emptiness to which I feel inside of me. The monsters which cause my insanity and numbness on those ever so lonely nights. Those nights are like a living hell, like talking to the devil. But, these monsters are the only thing I have when I'm alone. The only thing I can talk to, better yet battle with. They remind me of all the faults and flaws intertwined with my insecurities, making it harder for me to fall asleep. It's reminding me of all the times that someone has hurt me, someone, who has taken me for granted and the fact that I would go back to them in a heartbeat if they let me. I'm too caught up in this imaginary world where people love and enjoy my company, to the point where I come to the realisation that I am nothing. I am just like everybody else, yet more pointless and irrelevant. I'm confused at this moment, one minute i'm worth something, the next, all I'm worth is a piece of garbage, waiting in the bin for someone to pick me up or kick me away. Although, being kicked away doesn't sound so bad. I mean, I could end up somewhere better. Somewhere where people would look at me and become excited for. But then again, it's just me. Nothing special. See, i've always been told how worthless I am so in all honesty, why wouldn't you expect me to believe it? In a constant world where i'm nothing. All I am is a soul in a body, living in this earth. I'm not even living, all i'm doing is breathing and walking and talking and going to school and coming home and studying and stressing, it's all way too much! High school is messing with my mind to the point where I can barely keep up. With people and work and relationships and friendships and confusion. It's all too much. Schooling hasn't changed over the years, throughout the 9 years of schooling i've had, all it's been is revision and stress for multiple exams which don't even go towards anything! Aspirations are crushed and dreams along with it. And it all comes back to the monsters, the demons in which are developed over time. Developed throughout school and stress and anxiety causing depression. This generation is too depressed to work anymore. Our future and your future relies on us, so why make us so sad? Stressed? Anxious? Depressed? It's always about the best grades and top of the class, and they wonder why we're sad.