again

seven.

I drag my finger down the keys of the piano, every key makes a different sound than the last, I smile, reminiscing on the time me and Lucifer played on this piano together.

I wonder if there's pianos in hell.

Getting lost in my thoughts, I put my head in my hands, elbows on the top of the piano.
How could I be so stupid? Why did I let him leave?

Another silent tear falls down my cheek, I quickly wipe it and stand up, brushing myself off.

"You're better than this, Decker. Pull it together." I tell myself
Suddenly the elevator chimes and I whip my head around to face it; Maze.

"Maze? What're you doing here?" I ask, turning around, she looks up shocked

"Uhm- I was just.. looking for you." She says, I furrow my brows at her

"You're lying." I state, she walks towards me and stops

"Fine, I came here to- I don't know, see if he came back, or something." She shrugs, I nod

"It doesn't seem to help." I admit

"Decker, he didn't mean to hurt you." Maze states, I nod

"I know." I whisper, "it just happens,"

"Do you want to go get drinks?" She asks, a smile forming on her lips

"Just us?" I ask, she nods

"Yeah, i'd like that." I smile

We sit on the padded bar stools, the smell of sex, sweat and alcohol fills my nose.

"Get us a round of tequila, and keep them coming." Maze orders, the bartender nods and turns to grab what she asks

two shot glasses are set down in front of us, I down it before I even realize what is happening.

"Woah, you're really going through it, huh?" Maze asks, I shrug

"Sometimes it feels like, I should hate him. I can't hate him Maze, I love him.." I reply, she gives me a sympathetic look

"I know what it's like to lose people, I've just never cared as much as you do." She offers, I nod

"Wait-" I say, shocked

"What?" She asks

"The rule is only an angel can take the throne, right?" I ask, she nods

"why don't you make one of lucifers siblings?" I ask, she scoffs

"Chloe, nobody willingly rules hell." She states, "it's hell." She adds, I nod

"What's it like down there?" I ask, she has a calm look on her face

"It's hot- but it's not like fiery pits of lava and helldogs- it's different than earth too, one month here is like a hundred years there." She states, my jaw drops

"So, to him, it's been like a year?" I ask, she nods

"Give or take."

He went a year without seeing me, and he hasn't came back. Maybe he doesn't care anymore. Maybe he moved on.

"Chloe, don't do that to yourself." She says sternly

"What?" I ask

"I know what you're thinking. You need to understand he's doing it to protect you, and Trixie."

"How can it feel that way, I know he did it to protect me but for some reason I still wish he didn't." I whisper

"I know what that's like." She says, I raise an eyebrow

"My mother- Lilith, abandoned me when I was a baby. People said she did it for me, but I know she did it for herself." She states, anger and hurt clear across her face

"Lilith like, 'Lilith' Lilith?" I ask, she nods

"See, nobody's perfect." She says, downing another shot

"I love you Maze." I say, she sets her drink down and looks at me, she looks like she's in thought

"I love you too, Chloe."

The hardest thing I ever did, was letting Lucifer leave. What would've happened if I held onto him?

"What if he knows someone on earth needs to be punished?
What if someone hurts me, will he come back?" I ask, she looks at me with knowing eyes

"Don't be stupid Decker. We're not doing that." She states, aggressively

"Listen, hear me out. If someone hurts me he will want to punish them, yeah?" I ask, she doesn't move  "So he'll come punish them." I add

"You could die." She replies

"I'm not scared to die, I'm scared I'll go to heaven." I admit, she shakes her head

"No. It won't work anywyas. He'll expect me to kill them and wait for them to get to hell. Chloe, there's nothing you can do on earth, that he will know from hell. How do you think he'll know you're hurt? We can't just send him a letter." She says, I nod

"Look, he abandoned us all." She adds, "we're all trying to figure it out."

I nod, "you're right."

I get home late, passing out in the couch.
I dream about Lucifer coming back, telling me how sorry he is and he'll never do it again.

But I wake up, and I'm still alone.

In the kitchen, I make Trixie and Maze eggs and toast. I don't feel hungry- mostly hungover.

"Mommy, did you have a bad dream again?" Trixie asks, I shake my head

"No, it was actually a really nice dream." I reply, with a smile

"Then why did you cry?" She asks, I pause

"Did you come in my room?" I ask

"Well, you were sad so I came to lay with you for a little, like you do when I have bad dreams or cry." She replies, I smile softly

How did I raise such a compassionate, caring child?

"That's sweet, monkey. But mommy's okay. I promise." I tell her

"It was just such a good dream, she was sad it wasn't real." Maze says, Trixie makes a face

"I have those sometimes." She replies, she looks confused for a moment before she speaks again "what was your dream about?"

I pause, making eye contact with Maze.
"Uh- well.. I had a dream Lucifer came back." I admit, she frowns

"I wish he came back too, you were happier when he was around." She says, I look at the floor and back to her

"Go get your things, you'll miss the bus." I tell her, she nods and hops off the chair

After Trixie gets on the bus, I get into my car, I don't go to work. I go to Amenadiel and Linda's.

I walk up to the door and knock,
Amenadiel answers.

"Chloe?" He asks, he looks shocked, Charlie on his hip

"I need to ask you a favour." I state