Daydream » VKook

[10] Hidden

Three weeks had passed since my father's funeral. I hadn't moved out of my house, let alone my bedroom, since then. My mother brought my food in, but many times, I didn't feel like eating. Even if I did eat, I just couldn't hold down my food. I wasn't sure why this was happening. Maybe it was a combination of depression and transitioning out of the hospital. But I got discharged almost a month ago, so it might just be a whole heap of glooming depression. I couldn't even gather the strength to go back to Kendo training; not when my father wasn't there anymore.

The TV was my only entertainment and friend. Despite my color-blindness, I tried to find some joy out of the anime and movies that I had enjoyed before. Sure, there were a few smiles and light laughter out of me, but it didn't sustain long. Anything that remotely resembled a father-son relationship or a master-trainee scenario, I couldn't bear to watch; even though The Karate Kid was one of my favorite movies. I came across some old black-and-white American shows like I Love Lucy, The Dick van Dyke Show, and the one I was enjoying the most was Gunsmoke.

Although the shows were decades old, the black-and-white setting made me feel comfortable about my disability. I imagined that I would like to live back in the 50s since all TV shows were in black-and-white. Plus, I found the American culture and humor quite intriguing, especially Gunsmoke. The wild west seemed like a dangerous, but adventurous and exciting time. Even the gunfights were a bit similar to Kendo. The cowboys stared at each other with such focus and fearlessness, until one drew out his gun and struck the other opponent in a second. That same intense stare was also used in Kendo as each kendoist waited patiently to strike. Maybe there was something I could take out of this show to be applied in Kendo.

Then, there were times I laid in bed and looked out at the clouds in the sky from my window. The shadows around the clouds were able to distinguish them from the sky, but most times, it was all one white color. I missed how blue the sky was and the little fluff of clouds being shaped into dogs and cats. It also reminded me of the sunsets that I saw with my father while we meditated at the temple up on the hill. I would give anything to see those hues of orange, pink and purple swallowing the sky before me.

Then, I heard a firm knock on my door frame. Yes, my door hadn't been screwed back in its place since that day.

"Jungkook-ah?" My mother softly called me.

I must have still been in a daze because I didn't hear her until a minute later. I rolled over to see my mother's face attempting to look lively.

"Jungkook-ah... we need to meet with the lawyer today."

"I don't want to go anywhere." I rolled back over to my window.

"Well, the lawyer will come to our home in about an hour."

"I don't want to meet anyone either." I pulled the covers over my head.

I sensed my mother coming into my room and sat down at the end of my bed. She placed her hand onto my leg and gently patted it. 

"Jungkook-ah..." She softly called again. "It's about your father's will. I think you should be present for this meeting."

My heart sunk when I heard those words. I didn't know that my father even left one. But what was there to provide or distribute? He didn't have much money, valuable assets or even a retirement plan. The only things of value to him were the antique store and the secret training facility. And that my mother and I would most likely be the only people that he would "distribute" anything. However, this would probably be the last vital connection I would have from my father and I should respect that.

"Alright, umma..." I faintly accepted.

"Thank you, son." My mother lightly smiled and patted me some more. "Please take a shower, Jungkook. It smells like you haven't bathed in weeks."