his first laugh || arthur fleck x reader

chp 12 - gone

"Arthur.. what?" My voice strained as I began to feel this heavy weight on my chest as those words echo in my mind. I began to fiddle with my fingers as I stared at Arthur with uncertainty of what his next move might be. I loved him, but there was no way of telling whether it was Joker or Arthur that was speaking.

Arthur looked at me as panic filled itself in his eyes. His agony could be felt from a mile away, and it would grow more intense if I said anything else so I just sat there, silent. His hands crawled over to mine and squeezed it gently as he shut his eyes tightly like he felt something coming onto him.

"Arthur, what's wrong- why are you-" I panicked as I watched Arthur's expression drop from panicked to terrifying look of pride. That's when I knew it was Joker. It was Joker the whole time.

"Oh shit," I cussed under my breath as I quickly jumped off the bed with my hands all around my grown stomach. Joker gradually got up as his sly smile only grew larger.

The innocence in his eyes lost in his wild thoughts as he began to lick his lips. Wicked as he looked, I could still feel Arthur's trembling soul begging to be let out, but only silenced by Joker's atrocious laughter. My heart began to race as I shivered in the corner of the room. My shaking hands reached out to anything that could be a weapon, but my eyes were glued to the mad man who slowly made his way towards me.

"J-Joker, th-this is not y-you.." I stuttered, fearing as I felt my sweat dripping down to my feet. The man speechlessly glared at me, his smile only getting larger and larger.

"Oh.. this is me.." a low chuckle escaped his lips as he panted like a hungry, demented wolf. "This is the Arthur Fleck I've always been."

"No.. you're not Arthur Fleck," I softly whimpered as my heart gradually sank. Everything felt so blur and unreal. If only I could fix Arthur Fleck, everything would be normal again. Suddenly, I felt the air sucking out of my lungs as hot tears burned my cheeks.

"Oh y/n, he did love you.." he chuckled sinisterly as his cold touch on my arm gave me a frostbite.

"He.. he does love me," I growled furiously.

"Hm.. y/n, always ignorant and clueless of everything. We could rule the world together, you and I. Take on Gotham City, kill the rich. You know.. your past really does define who you are, and I've embraced it."

"Clearly," I scoffed as I rolled my eyes in annoyance.

And that surely did anger the devil as he grasped on my arm tighter than before, hurting me as he tugged me closer. "

"Don't.. you.. roll your eyes at me, bitch," he uttered with hellfire burning in his once innocent blue eyes, filled with hope.

The growling clown squeezed my arm tighter, forcing out my whimpers as he inhaled the stench of fear on my sweaty skin. I knew it was only a matter of time until he'd attempt to kill me, so I just stood there, waiting for my hell of a bravery to appear and save me out of this torture.

It wasn't being threatened by Joker that tortured me, it was the thought of Arthur dying inside his own body. That wasn't Arthur at all. Though I met Joker first, I felt Arthur's presence in our first kiss. The hesitation to blow up the asylum— that was Arthur I met. Not Joker.

Memories of Arthur and I flooded through my head as I used my free hand to caress my stomach. The family he and I could've started together. Getting away from Gotham and just living the best life together with our own little offspring. All those dreams and expectations only sank my heart deeper in my chest. More like shoving, honestly. Arthur was completely gone, and hell would he never let Joker take over his identity. Not with our baby here.

"Arthur.." I whispered as tears as warm as Arthur's love roll down my cheeks. I couldn't feel Arthur anymore.

The grasp on my arm slowly began to loosen as Joker's breath diminished. A confused gasp escaped his lips as he looked around with fear in his eyes.

"Y/n, wh-why.. what happened.." he panted in bewilderment, gently touching his face to feel cuts and blood on his fingertips. It was then the light in his eyes faded away. As Arthur.

"You.. lost con-"

"Joker.." he sighed hopelessly. There he stood, his jaws dropped as he stared into my feared eyes. He knew what he did, though it wasn't him in control. I'd forgive him in a snap, I'd do anything to get back the Arthur Fleck I fell in love with. But his eyes said something else. Something.. despairing.

"Hey look," I grabbed his face, forcing our eyes to meet, "its okay, you're here now. There's no need to worry, I can deal with this. Let's just forget this and leave.. together."

Tears began to fill his eyes as he shook his head in distress. I couldn't let him say no. I couldn't let him go. There was no way. I held his hand tighter, forcing our fingers to interlock as I pulled him closer, whimpering for an agreement.

Gently, he pulled his hand away from mine and stroked my blown belly as a saddened, grieved smile grew on his face.

"I'm sorry, y/n.." he began to sob, his eyes glued to my stomach. "I can't let you go on in your life with an abuser. I can't do this to you and your child.."

"Y-you're not an abuse- Arthur, we have the opportunity to leave right now," my voice trailed as my voice cracks filled in the holes in my uncertainty. There was no way he'd..

"Tell our child, girl or boy, that I love them."

"Wh-what?" I gagged bemusedly.

"I love you so much, y/n. You don't deserve this- you don't deserve me. I'll always be in your heart no matter what."

Next thing I knew, Arthur held a gun to his forehead and...

There, he was gone.

His lifeless body collapsed on the floor with a thud. I stood there with our child in my stomach in the cold room, only to feel his absence of my one true love.

I have never felt so much pain at once. So much emotions rushing through. I've never felt so alone that moment as I watched the clown makeup on Arthur's face fade away with his soul.

Arthur Fleck was gone.

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