Run

Chapter Thirty-Four

I sit on the bench in front of the diner, my hands folded and pressed between my knees. Alex sits next to me and the man who claims to be my father is standing in front of me.

"Please say something Julianna."

"No one calls me that!" I snap before looking back at my feet and blushing, "Except mom when I don't do dishes..."

He chuckles, "Yeah well, she wasn't always like that."

I glare at him, "Why should I believe anything you say? You can't prove your my dad, and even if you are, you abandoned us!"

He sighs and shrugs, "I've made mistakes kiddo, I'm not proud of a lot of the things I did but I... How is your mom?"

"What do you care? You left her, twenty-five years old with a four year old baby. You left us straddled with all your gambling debts, do you realize that at four years old I had to listen to your bookie threaten mom and take her savings for school? I work part time while mom works full time and goes to school and tries to fix the mess you put her in!"

I don't realize I'm standing until Alex has to pull me back toward the bench and away from my dad's face.

"I'm sorry you had to go through that. If I could make it better I would, I'm sorry," He reaches for my hand but I pull away, "Look why don't you take tonight, get some sleep. I'll be here tomorrow around noon, if you want to talk or maybe get some questions answered, you come get me. Alright?"

I don't react or respond, instead Alex stands between my father and me, "We'll see what happens. Why don't you get going, get back to your celebration and I'll take her to make sure she gets rest and time to think. Just don't get your hopes up," I hear an edge in his voice.

My dad glances at me one last time before heading in the diner. Alex stands in front me, not saying anything, just waiting and giving me time to process.

"What are the odds? The one night I leave the motel room, I choose to eat at his regular hang out spot," I give a flat chuckle as I lean back on the bench, "I'm such an idiot."

"No, no you aren't. He's the idiot, he made the mistake of missing out on you and your life."

"Thanks," I can't help but smile, "Can we leave now? I'm kinda tired, this has all been..."

"A lot? That's fair," He takes my hand and helps me off the bench, "Do you think you'll want to see him tomorrow?"

"I don't really know, it's been almost 14 years since I saw him. What would I say? Why should I hear him out? Why should I believe any of it?"

"If nothing else, you can say you tried. You can say you finally got answers, even if they aren't true."

He's not wrong, and of course I want answers, but am I prepared for what those answers may be? At least I don't have to decide right now. I have some time.

My mom pops into my head as we walk, would she want me to talk to him? Would she talk to him if she had the chance? What would she say? In a way, she never got over my dad. She blamed herself for him leaving, for not being enough to stop gambling. I remember her crying in bed for months after he left. She really loved him, she really wanted a family. She tried to help him pay off his debts and quite gambling but he never did. If I bring him up she acts mad at him but then she'll cry when she thinks I'm not looking. He really broke her. Maybe at the very least I could give her some closure.

"Do you think I should see him?" I can tell the moment the words leave my mouth that I probably shouldn't have asked.

"I'd give my own arm to have a conversation with my parents at this point. I'd jump off a bridge for the chance to talk to my grandparents, so... I think you should take the chance before you lose it... You never know when the chance you're given is the last one you'll get."