Dance to This [kth]

n i n e t e e n

ミ★
nineteen
❝doctor's orders❞
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Thursday

Bitna, Lee. Room 1212A

Nurses, doctors, physicians, staff, workers, and personnel busy the hallways of Deabru Hospital as the gnawing of my inner lip becomes a numb void of frustration. The temperature is comfortable, yet I can't seem to shake the chills of thoughts running against my skin hiding under my sweater. I shift in my chair and cross my legs in an anxious manner before blowing out a deep exhale.

Rows and rows of waiting room seats detailed with dark green fabric fill the room; it smells of cleanliness and health. I find myself staring absentmindedly at the wall as my teeth continue to work against my inner lip, trying to suppress memories of this atmosphere. I don't know if it's my lack of sleep, but every inconvenience in my life is eating at my brain: minor and major.

A low mumble of television conflicts with the murmurs of my cast members beside me. Focusing on them has been an issue; I'm preoccupied with thoughts of the choices I've made recently. . . I shake away the thought of my father's voice and the call I had with him. I'm unsettled, and being in the hospital right now waiting to see Bitna is not helping with any of my anxieties.

It seems to be amplifying them. Hana has disappeared again, so my mornings and nights are quiet, and I have a lot of time to myself; my thoughts often overcome me. I am anxious for her to confront me about my lie: she knows I wasn't with Joon. What will her reaction be? What will I say? I find myself staring at the door every night waiting for her to stumble in when I am least expecting it. Consequently, my hours of sleep have been compromised.

"Do. . . Do you think she will be awake?"

I glance to my left; Jimin's voice is small. In surveying his body language, his tenseness is shared between the both of us.

"I don't know," I reply honestly.

We haven't had many updates on her condition. I'm unsure what to expect when we finally do see how she is. It's been a couple of weeks since the accident, and I can't say that anyone is feeling any less stressed about the situation since it happened.

Jimin's thighs are rocking back and forth in the chair. The swinging zipper of his hoodie hanging loosely from his shoulders is the center of my attention with every quick movement he makes. It's obvious that he has been thinking about today for a while. I know that today is like a stepping stone for not only him, but all of us. Making peace with Bitna's condition might actually help mediate some tension for when practice starts. . .