This Is My Version; A Conor Maynard Fanfiction

Chapter 7

Conor's POV

It was as though all the sanity left my body as soon as my back made contact with the mattress of my bed and I am all of a sudden nothing but numb again.

She had seemed happy to see me and it'd given me a glimmer of hope. Maybe things could be different, maybe we could make things work.

But then she'd stepped to the side, revealing a man that was everything I'm not. A tall gym junkie with perfectly styled blonde hair. She had managed to find my exact opposite and she'd done it in less than a month.

And unlike me she seemed the happiest I've ever seen her, making me doubt everything we ever had.

Had people been right about her never loving me?

No, I stop myself from digging too deep into my brain for answers I already know I won't find, turning my attention back to the girl that currently was laid next to me, the same fucking girl that had been hijacking my thoughts for the last twenty four hours.

"Sorry, I'm not really in the mood" I say, already knowing she most likely will leave after hearing it.

But I really don't care, even though all I really want is her company right now.

"I know, I gathered that. It's okay"

She turns her head, shooting me a soft and understanding smile, showing no signs of her leaving any time soon.

"We broke up a year ago"

Her hand moves to take a hold of mine, her thumb moving across my skin slowly as we lie in silence.

"Do you hate her?"

I shake my head, inhaling a deep breath as a wave of anxiety washes over my body.

"I'm sorry"

She moves closer, almost as if she's able to tell that that's exactly what I need right now.

"Why? It's not your fault"

I don't need sympathy, I'd made that very clear from the beginning but somehow people don't seem to understand that.

"I'm still sorry, heartbreak is never easy. Just know that I'm here if you want to talk about this Conor"

Everything had suddenly become very serious and for a second am I almost about to tell her the whole story even though she's nothing but a stranger to me.

But then I quickly change my mind, fighting the tears as we lay in the blacked out room, the only sounds surrounding us being our matching breathing and the London traffic.

It's weird how you can find comfort in someone you don't know. But that's how I feel with Olivia. She doesn't have to say anything, just her presence being enough to make me feel completely okay for once, the dark thoughts and anxiety being forgotten about for a few hours.

"Can I ask you a question?"

I nod despite not knowing what she's about to ask, somehow I just seem to be trusting her immensely.

"Why me?"

Her voice is soft, almost as if she's scared that her question would somewhat offend me.

"You want the honest answer?"

She nods, her hazel brown eyes meeting mine as she turns to her side, pushing some of my hair away from my face.

"I don't know, or I sort of know but I'm not sure it's the whole reason, not after tonight anyway. Why are you here?"

Yesterday I'd thought it was because she looked like Victoria but that hadn't been the reason tonight. Because the last thing I'd want is to see the girl that broke my heart and then ripped it out my chest by introducing me to her new boyfriend.

"I'm not really sure to be honest. But I'm glad because you kind of saved me from having to tell your friend that I wasn't an ounce interested in him"

She said, a soft laugh escaping her lips and it's enough to make everything feel kind of alright for a few seconds.

"Mikey?"

Nodding she quickly reaches for her phone that had started to vibrate on the floor, checking who is calling her before deciding to ignore it.

"Shouldn't you answer?"

I'm not sure why I care but I really don't want anyone to worry about her and I definitely don't want to keep her here if someone needs her.

"Nah, can't be bothered"

She turns back around, resting her head down on one of my pillows and for a second am I picturing her in my life. Waking up to her in my bed every morning.

No, I was getting ahead of myself, as much as I want to move on am I far from ready to let go of what I used to have.

I roll over to my back as soon as I can sense the tears escaping my eyes. It's just impossible not to cry anymore and it's almost as if reality finally has sunk in, the love of my life has someone new to hold tight. She's in love and it's not with me.

"Conor?"

Her voice was nothing more than a whisper, her hand squeezing mine as she laid next to me in silence.

"Do you want me to leave?"

I'm fully aware of how uncomfortable she must feel but something in me is telling me that she's the only one who's gonna understand the pain I'm in.

And when I shake my head as an answer to her question does she open up her arms, pulling me into the most comforting hug I've ever been in.

"It's all going to be okay"

She continuesly pulls her fingers through my hair in a way that calms me even at one of my worst times.

She's the first person who's ever seen me at my lowest and I've known her for a day if even that.

Yet all I know is that I need her to stay sane. I need her kisses to feel something that isn't pain and I need her hugs to calm my racing mind. I need her to help me heal because right now I don't even know what not being broken feels like.