Work it Out - KiriKami

2 ~ It's Wrong

"Denki... I love you."

Denki just froze, his crying coming to a halt. Eijirou didn't move either.

It was silent.

Then Denki finally sat up a bit, moving away from Eijirou's embrace, "Oh..."

Eijirou didn't try to pull him back to his chest, he knew Denki didn't want that, "You don't have to say it back."

Denki nodded. Nothing else.

It was silent again.

Eijirou couldn't stand it.

"Can you at least say something, though?"

Denki shook his head.

Eijirou looked down, "Oh... Okay..."

It was silent again.

5 minutes passed.

10 minutes.

15 minutes.

"Denki, please, say something."

Denki just sat there. He had his arms wrapped around his waist and his gaze glued downwards.

Eijirou was afraid to touch him. Yeah, Denki was right there in his lap. But he felt so far away. He fucked up. He knew it was too early to drop this on Denki, but he did it anyway. Now Denki was frozen solid, lost in his head trying to process it all.

Eijirou gave up on trying to get him to talk, he's clearly not ready for that yet. Instead he just very slowly and gently wrapped his arms around Denki again, "Let's lay down, okay?"

Denki was stiff but he let Eijirou guide him to lay down, letting himself be pulled into his warm chest and held in his strong arms.

Denki's mind was swirling like a hurricane. There were too many thoughts for him to make sense of any of them, but he knew most of the thoughts were bad. But Eijirou's embrace was solid and steady. It was warm and welcoming. It was safe. Safe from the storm in his head.

He finally spoke, voice barely above a whisper, "Eiji... I'm afraid."

Eijirou tensed up when he heard him speak, not expecting it so soon. He tried to relax, not wanting to further upset him, "What are you afraid of?"

Denki gripped onto Eijirou's shirt, not answering.

"It's okay, Denki. You're safe here. You can tell me."

It was clear Denki had slipped into an unsafe mental state, who knew what sort of paranoid thoughts could be running through his head. Eijirou knew he needed to proceed with caution.

Denki gripped Eijirou's shirt tighter, moving closer. His embrace helped ground him.

Eijirou regretted not pulling him back the moment he sat up earlier, regretted letting the silence go on for so long. Maybe Denki wouldn't have gotten stuck so deep in his mind.

But falling deep in his mind helped Denki find the one thing that he had buried all this time, the one thing he needed to face the most.

"He said it's wrong." Denki's voice was still so soft and quiet.

Eijirou was confused, "Who? What's wrong?"

"This is wrong. Two boys." Denki's voice cracked a bit before he hid his face in Eijirou's chest.

"What? I don't- ...Oh.."

The pieces started to click together in Eijirou's head.

He had always wondered why Denki never once showed reservation when it came to expressing interest in a girl but for some reason could barely stand the idea of even holding his hand in public. It had nothing to do with Eijirou, as he feared it had. It was his gender. If Denki was dating a girl, then this wouldn't be a problem. Someone had drilled their homophobia so deep into Denki's mind that he didn't even remember it. It turned into a subconscious fear that he couldn't recall the cause for. He wasn't afraid to show romantic or sexual intimacy at all. He never was. That explained why he could always be so lewd when talking about girls. His problem was actually when his desires were directed at another boy, that's when he shuts down.

"Denki, who told you it was wrong?"

Denki was silent for a moment, but this time it was because he was searching his memories for an answer, "I... I don't remember." he had pushed the memories too far down, "but he said heroes can't love other boys." his voice was easier to hear now but still reserved.

Someone had instilled it into Denki's mind that liking boys and being a hero were mutually exclusive. If he were to show himself being intimate with a boy then he could never be a hero so he shuts down all PDA to keep the world from seeing.

Eijirou finally understood.

The thought of someone filling Denki's head with this bullshit enraged Eijirou. Especially considering he couldn't remember it. The information must have been delivered in such a traumatic way that his brain repressed it all. But one obstacle at a time. They finally knew the cause behind Denki's fear, they could start to move past it. Finding out who put that fear in his head could wait for another day. Right now, Eijirou was only concerned with keeping Denki grounded.

"Well, let's forget about him. Okay? If you can't remember him then he must not matter much."

Denki nodded, "Right..."

Eijirou kissed the top of his head, "How do you feel?"

Denki didn't answer right away, he had to think. Then he smiled, "Safe... Happy... Loved..."

Eijirou's heart swelled at that, a smile growing across his face, "You are so loved, Denki. So, so loved."

Denki looked up at him, eyes droopy, "Can I sleep in here tonight?"

"I wasn't going to let you sleep alone either way. I love you too much to let you go."

Denki chuckled, closing his eyes, "Cheesy."

Eijirou was happy to see that he wasn't scared anymore, "Get some sleep, Denki. We'll talk in the morning."

Denki nodded, sleep taking him easily. Eijirou followed in suit.

Boy, did they have a lot to talk about.