Me, Myself and I

33 - After effects

"And now you haven't talked to each other for the past week."

"Yup."

"Well that's shit!"

"Really?! Don't you tell!"

Patty and I were sitting on the bleachers going over the whole debacle with Adam last Friday. We haven't spoken since and I really didn't want to. I know I'm weird and I know I don't particularly fit in with society's standards. But one thing is saying that as a joke and me understanding it is a joke, another is straight-up calling me a "crazy basket case" out of nowhere in the middle of a serious conversation. I've been called many things before, but I know from experience that it hurts even deeper when it's someone who means something to you saying it.

And as much as it hurts my pride to say this: Adam means something to me. Not in a romantic way! Just so we're clear on that part! All you Pattys can calm down now.

He means something to me because, after a really hard time in middle school, my only friend was basically Patty. She's always been there for me. And then Adam appeared, and with him Thomas and Ben. I was finally in a group that no matter how nerdy, geeky, or socially awkward I was, they all accepted me through and through.

So now it was back to the old... Dynamic Duo. Gods, I gotta get him out of my head!

After a little awkward silence, Patty spoke up again. "So, what do you plan on doing now?"

And... I stayed silent. Because I didn't know what to do. Man, this feeling sucks! So, I decided to answer truthfully.

"Nothing."

"What?!" She replied sounding sort of annoyed and confused.

"That's what I plan on doing: nothing."

What? Are you surprised? I might have my pride a little hurt but that won't stop me from not apologizing to him. Because that would mean that I was taking back my word. And, as much as it hurts not having the daily gang meetings, I needed to take a short break from all the craziness that was starting to surround me. I never said I wanted to stop hanging out with him. I never said I wanted to never see him again. I just wanted to stop with the fake dating and the showing-up-to-hang-out-without-warning. That was it. He was the one who took it at heart and who started calling me a weirdo and a basket case.

"Girl, I know you may not want to admit it right now. But Adam really means something to you. You actually like being around him. Admit it! So, why don't you just swallow some of your pride for once and go up and talk to him." Patty said. And this time I know by fact she wasn't saying this because of the whole shipping thing. Because she was my friend and that's what friends do.

But even though, I knew that all she was doing was being the good friend that she is, I called her to my reasoning. "If you were in the same situation as me would you go to the guy and straight up say that you're sorry and that you miss him?"

She looked at me and sighted firmly. "Well, first of all, I wouldn't even be in your situation to begin with. And second... pay attention to my words, not my actions."

Just like that, she looked at the empty football field to avoid eye contact. It made me chuckle a little. But soon after I followed.

"And besides, I said what I wanted to stop with. I never said I wanted to stop being his friend. So why can't he be the one to say that he's sorry for calling me a weirdo and a basketcase and for getting mad out of nowhere?"

She looked at me with her are-you-actually-serious-right-now look. "Caroline, I'm afraid you haven't noticed, but the guy is kind of oblivious to subliminal messages." I rolled my eyes knowing she was right. "And, even though he called you some pretty bad stuff... you could have explained to him why you were asking for some space. I'm sure Adam would have understood. So, it is technically your fault too."